Disclaimer: I don't own these chars, nor do I own the "Sixty-Four Thousand Dollar Pyramid". This story was inspired by staying up all night listening to Slayers CDs and driving, getting tanked on cappuccino, then going in to work 14 hours the next day, and a skit from the old show "The State" on MTV *anyone remember THAT?*. So don't stay up all night, kids. You start imagining things.
Feedback: You can win big, too! ~ SailorN1@aol.com
The Sixty-Four Thousand Gold Piece Pyramid
by Crystal Dawn Phoenix
Naga runs onto a large stage set with chairs, a bright colored backdrop, and bright floodlights. She stops in the center, bringing a microphone up to her mouth excitedly. She's wearing her normal spiked shoulder pads and black cape over a yellow Jenny Jones-style business woman's suit, and the crowd is going nuts. Naga pumps her free arm in the air, working the audience for more applause.
"Good evening, my adoring audience!", she happily yells to the excited crowd, "I'm Naga the Great White Serpent, sorceress supreme, and welcome to my show - The Sixty Four Thousand Gold Piece Pyramid!" Mad applause. "Let's go over the rules of the game, shall we?", she calls, smiling, one of the stage hands dragging out a big board for her to point to, "I give one of our contestants a category, and without telling their partner what it is, they must give them enough clues to guess the name of the category! Does that sound like fun?" Mad applause. Mad cheers. Naga pumps her fist again, milking the crowd for all they're worth. "Alright, then, let's bring out our first contestants!", she cheers, "He's one short push down a long flight of stairs away from becoming a Dark Lord, and she's a frumpy li'l Miko of the Fire Dragon King! Give it up for Xellos Metallium and Filia ul Copt!" The two walk onto the stage as Naga laughs loudly. They sit down, glaring at each other, and the crowd gives up more applause. "So are you two ready to play?", Naga asks loudly, producing a card from her suit, "Filia, you can give the clues first!" She runs over to the edge of the stage, bending over just slightly and producing some 'fan service nosebleeds' in the first row. "The clue is," she whispers, "'Things That Kill'!" Filia looks at the card for a second, tosses Xellos a nasty glare, then clears her throat. Xellos simply smiles serenely.
"Okay-y-y-y-y," Filia says slowly, "Ummm... Knives... Swords...."
"Things used in foreplay," Xellos guesses randomly, "Things you do to people you love..." He gets another glare.
"Mazoku...", Filia mumbles pointedly, "Dark Lords... You..."
"People who dress cool," Xellos replies smiling. Filia begins turning red.
"Alri-i-i-i-ight," she says, gritting her teeth, "I think I know... Love... Positive emotions..." A lightbulb almost literally goes off over Xellos' head.
"Oh!", he says, wagging a finger and winking at her, "That's easy! Things that kill!" A bell goes off in the background, signifying the right answer has been guessed. Naga pops back up, jiggling to the point that she almost bursts out of her business suit, causing several more 'fan service nosebleeds' in the front row.
"That's exactly right, Xellos!", Naga chirps happily, bouncing her chest into his face and almost putting his eyes out in the process, "And now, you can give the next clue!" She hands him a card, which he looks over thoughtfully before smirking at Filia. Naga runs back over to the edge of the stage, causing nearly the entire front row to erupt into nosebleeds. "The clue is," she whispers, winking, "'Methods of Divination'!" Xellos continues smirking at Filia before reading.
"A crystal ball...", he says, opening an eye, "...Your mace..." Filia smiles cruelly.
"Things to bludgeon a Namagomi with," she guesses happily.
"Scrying pools...", he says, ignoring her.
"Things to drown a Namagomi in," Filia guesses.
"Sacred fire...", he goes on, oblivious to her wrong answers.
"Things to burn a Namagomi with?", Filia guesses. In the background a buzzer sounds, signaling the end of the round.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!", Naga chimed, popping up from behind, "That's all the time you're allowed! You'll have to go home empty handed!" Filia stands up, glaring at Xellos. She stalks offstage, followed shortly by the obnoxiously happy priest. Naga turns back to her adoring fans. "Well, then," she says excitedly, "Let's meet our next guests! He's a persistently pessimistic chimera and she's an incredibly perky, justice-loving princess from Sairuun! Give a warm welcome to Zelgadis Greywords and Amelia Wil Tesla Sairuun!" Mad applause as Amelia drags Zel out onto the stage. She's basking in the spotlight, clinging happily to his arm, and he's about four shades redder than a beet. Amelia waves at the host and smiles happily.
"Hi, Onichan!", Amelia says, waving at Naga. Naga smiles happily back and waves in return.
"Are you ready to play, Ame-chan?", Naga asks excitedly, producing a card from her suit, "We'll let Mr. Greywords begin!" She hands the card to Zel, almost putting his eye out with her chest this time. She reaches over and pinches his cheek, not at all unlike a 70-year old aunt. "He's every bit as cute as you said, sis!", Naga exclaims, winking at Zel. Amelia is, of course, sitting on her hands and trying to argue herself out of beating her older sister within an inch of her life. Zel coughs, turning red, as Naga runs back over to the edge of the stage, bending over to her audience, and inducing 'fan service nosebleeds' all around, yet again. "The clue is 'Things That Are Scary'!", Naga says, jiggling.
Zel clears his throat, looking at the card. "Alright," he says, "Lina..."
"People who eat a lot?", Amelia asks, excited.
"Phil...", he continues absentmindedly, "Xellos..."
"I see no connection between my father and Xellos whatsoever!", Amelia protests, folding her arms.
"Okay, then...", he mumbles, "A world without justice..." Amelia gasps.
"Things that are scary!", she says, almost at the point of tears. Then it dawns on her. "Hey, are you saying my Daddy is scary!?", she asks, ignoring the bell going off in the background to signify the right answer being given. Naga pops back up before anything else can be said, producing another card from her suit.
"Good work, you two!", she says happily, "Now it's your turn to give the clues, Amelia!" She stuffs the card into Amelia's hand and bounds back over to the edge of the stage. "The clue is 'The Five Wise Men of the Age'!", she says, winking.
Amelia looks over the card. "Oh, I know!", she says happily, "Rezo..."
Amelia looks up, puzzled, to see that Zel's eyes have turned blood red and he has begun to twitch nervously. She scoots away slowly. Xellos suddenly pops up behind Zel, floating non-chalantly, holding a small twig between his hands. He smiles and breaks the twig, making a nice 'snapping' noise. Zel jumps up out of his seat, drawing his sword.
"Damn you, Rezo!", he screams, nearly foaming at the mouth. Amelia 'eeps' as several security guards rush the stage and drag a rather evil looking Zelgadis off. Naga sweatdrops and Amelia laughs nervously. From offstage, the sounds of "Let me go!", "REZOOOO!", and "Ra Tilt!" can still be heard.
"Well, then!", Naga says, nervously, "I guess that's all the time we have for you two! Take care, sis!" Amelia, smiles then waves nervously before running offstage toward the security guards. The sounds of struggle continue to emanate from offstage as Naga continues with the game. "Alright, then!", she chirps, "Let's meet our next guests! He's a good-looking, dumb as a sack of hammers swordsman, and she's my diminutive junior business partner and biggest rival! Say hello to Gourry Gabriev and Lina Inverse!" Lina and Gourry both come on stage, waving at the crowd. They both take their seats, Naga making damn well sure to hang over Gourry's shoulder. "Well, hello there!", she says, tousling his hair and watching Lina turn several interesting shades of red.
"Eh, hello," Gourry responds, smiling sheepishly. Naga smiles kittenishly at Lina, then hands her a card.
"Here, why don't you read first, Lina?", she says, before bounding back over to the edge of the stage, "The clue is 'Famous Swords'!" Lina looks at the card, then raises an eyebrow.
"Didn't try to dumb it down TOO much, didja?", she asks suspiciously. All she gets in return is a sheepish giggle from Naga. "Well, if I can win sixty-four thousand gold pieces, why not?", Lina reasons before clearing her throat, "Okay, Gourry... The Howling Sword... The Sword of Light..."
"Famous swords?", he asks, scratching his head. Naga gives him a patronizing clap as the bell chimes in the background.
"Animal instinct," Lina mumbles, watching Naga pat his head and hand him a card.
"Alright, Gourry," Naga says happily, "It's your turn to give out the clues! Do a good job!" And with that, she runs to the edge of the stage. "The clue is, 'Things Found in a Sorcerer's Guild'!" Gourry looks at the card and blinks, then smiles broadly.
"Oh, this is easy!", he exclaims, causing Lina to blink in disbelief, "Things found in a Sorcerer's Guild!" Naga nearly falls off the stage and Lina jumps up in a rage.
"You idiot!", she screams, "You're supposed to make me guess what's on the card, not READ it! We've just lost all that money!" Gourry scratches his head.
"Well, I'm sorry, Lina!", Naga says chiperly, recovering from her recent shock, "But that's all the time we have! But why don't we tell our contestants what lovely parting gifts they'll receive? Vrummigan?" From over an announcing system, Vrummigan can be heard reading from a piece of paper.
"That's right, Naga!", he says, "All today's contestants will receive a complementary visit to the Marga hot springs, coupons for all the local attractions, and a complementary buffet, courtesy of Canterbury Tavern. Naga?" Naga smiles, waving to the crowd as today's contestants file out to say goodbye. Filia stalks out, welding her mace. Xellos follows her, one hand behind his head and the other somewhere indiscernible behind Filia's back. Amelia comes out, grinning sheepishly, followed closely by several men in white jackets wheeling Zelgadis around in something that looks not at all unlike what Hannibal Lecter was depicted in in "Silence of the Lambs". Gourry is waving shyly to the audience and Lina is visibly excited.
"We get free food!", she says happily, "Maybe this wasn't a total loss after all!" Naga pushes her out of the way and caters the audience some more.
"Well, until next time, I'm Naga the Great White Serpent, saying So Long!"