Lost Lighthouse

File Case Number One B

Slayers Return Again

Second Half

*Tes, dragging Auryn enters the theater, Matise trailing behind them. Cerulite and CD enter, then they all take their seats in the front row. Tes and Tise sit down together as everyone begins cracking into their sodee, poppycorn, soup, and various other concessions which they have brought into the theater*

Slayers Return Again
Matise: So, what's this about, anyway?

Episode 10

Tes: Well, so far it's been about various Slayers characters sleeping together and Lina being half-mazoku. That's all I can remember.

CD: And don't forget them eating! They do a lot of that, too!

"Wow, Lina you got a big house." Martina exclaimed.

Matise: And you accused US of watching porn!?

"Lina-san! You never told me you were rich!" Amelia said.

"W-ell," Lina started. "And you go off and steal stolen goods!" Filia said angrily.

Cerulite: *as Lina* "Well how did you THINK we got rich?!"

"Well it's not..." Lina tried.

"Ja ne! Maybe it's your mazoku heritage." Xellos said mocking her.

Auryn: What the...? "So long! Maybe it's your mazoku heritage."...?

Tes: Xellos finally got sick of paying for all their food and decided to cut out on them. A wise decision.

"I'm surprised at you Lina!" Zelgadis told her. Lina twitched.

"After destroying my castle just because my castle was bigger than your house." Martina said angrily.
"How come you never stay at home in this luxury?" Zangulus asked. Lina glared.

Matise: I guess Luna's still mad at her for that peep show she put on a few years ago...

"You think my parents would let me spend any of the money?!"Lina shouted. Gourry of course was confused.

"Lina your house looks great!" He commented. "Thanks Gourry... well come on lets go meet my family, ne?" Lina told him taking his arm. The others just stared at her.

CD: *as others* "My, that was defused quickly."

"Lina! Lina-chan?! Is that you?! Oh my daughter has come home!"

Cerulite: *as Mama Inverse* "Quick! Hide all the food!"

Lina's mother looked out the window then called to her husband and ran to open the door.

"Mama-sama! Mama-sama!" Lina ran into her mothers arms and hugged her.

"My my have you've grown. I suspect your hungry...

Matise: Lina's always hungry.

Auryn: *cries* Nooo! They're going to eat again!

Oh! Your friends from your wedding are with you. Come on in." Mama-sama motioned for them to come in. Lina noticed her Papa

"Papa-sama! I've missed you!"

Tes: *as Lina* "Even though you're a lying, slimy, embodiment of all that's evil!"

She hugged him and he hugged her back... then she felt uneasy, knowing he was a mazoku.

CD: I'm telling you, she only feels uneasy because Miko poisoned her in the last chapter!

She let go and lead everyone to the kitchen and sat down.

"What have you done since the last time we saw you? Judging by the looks of things it seems like you are on another trip." Papa-sama's voice boomed.

"You can say that. Just some mazoku after us." Lina said casually.

Auryn: *as Lina* "Just some nasty, rotten, no-good Mazoku... nothing you would know anything about, huh, PAPA?"

"Well of course they are Lina... you got some great magical powers. your still welcome to join us." Xellos commented. This time both Mama and Papa choked on their coffee.

Matise: *as Xellos* "Unlike SOME traitorous bastards who went off and married humans for no good reason... PAPA."

"Drinking to fast?" Mama-sama asked her husband weakly. He nodded and smiled at her.

"Mama? Could we stay the night here? I know we have enough rooms here." Lina asked.

Tes: *as Mama* "Heavens no, Lina! Not with all the bumping and grinding your friends get into!"

"Sure that's fine with me." She nodded and looked at her husband, who nodded an agreement.

"Thank you very much." Filia said politely. Xellos looked over at her and noticed that she was nervous seeing a pink bow sticking out from under her dress.

Cerulite: *as Xellos* "Mmmmm, dragon tail..."

He leaned over and whispered that in her ear which made her mad but she kept her cool.

"I'm going to kill you." She said to the mazoku thru her thoughts.

Auryn: *as Filia* "I'm going to kill you with luuuuuuuuv!"

"Try." Xellos replied. Her hand was itching to grab her mace and smack him with it.

"You know you want me to take you to a room and------" He said some dirty things to her.

CD: Which thankfully won't be shown here for the sake of decency.

Which made her blush. Amelia noticed,

"Are you alright Filia-san?" She asked worried.

"Oh I just am tired." Filia told her. Xellos put his hand up to his forehead, then up to Filia's

Tes: *as Filia* "Oh, I just want Xellos to take me up to a room and..."

Matise: *interrupts her* No, Tes.

Tes: Awww, you never let me have any fun. *pout*

"Oh your very hot." He said teasing her. Which made Filia blush even more.

"I'll b-b-be alright." She stuttered.

"Hey Papa-sama? Could I speak to you in another room?" Lina asked her father shyly.

Cerulite: *as Lina* "I think they may need a moment alone..."

"Sure Lina-chan." He said. They both stood up and exited the room. "When they reached the front porch, her father sat down and looked at her.

"What is it Lina-chan?" He asked her. Lina looked at him nervously.

Auryn: *as Lina* "Well, dad, I'm in... trouble..."

Matise: *as Papa* "Being chased by Dark Lords again?"

Auryn: *as Lina* "No..."

Matise: *as Papa* "Blow up another kingdom?"

Auryn: *as Lina* "No... Oh, Papa! Papa... don't preach!" *melodramatic sigh*

"Well uh..... Is it true your a mazoku?" She blurted out. He looked stunned.

"Who told you this." He asked quietly. "W-ell L-sama told me in a dream." Lina said.. then realizing how stupid it sounded. He sat there for a while. The wind blew.

CD: A tumbleweed blew across the street.

Cerulite: Lightning crashed.

Tes: A tiger attacked and killed all of them. The End. Can we go?

"Yes it's true."

Tes: No? Damn.

He said after a while. Lina gasped and looked scared.

"How... how... how could you keep this from me." She cried.

Matise: Very simply, he didn't tell her.

"I'm sorry Lina-chan, but how could I tell you? It would ruin your life. You'd be bombarded with mazoku plotting against you." He said.


Auryn: Too late for that!

"But what do you think they are doing now?! Huh?!" She yelled at him and ran inside, and ran to her original room. As she ran past the kitchen her friends and mom , who were laughing at a joke,

Tes: *as narrator* "...who were all having a massive orgy..."

Matise: *warningly* Teeeesss...

Tes: What!? It's not like they didn't already have one on a tennis court earlier on!

watched a speeding red like blur pass.

Matise: WHAT!?! Why didn't you tell me it was THAT kinda fic!?

A figured looked in at the group in the kitchen who were sitting quietly. Then her eyes landed on Papa-sama. 'Who is that?' She thought back then gasped to herself. 'No it couldn't be! Lina's dad is---------' She gasped again and teleported out of there.

CD: Well... I don't really think it was supposed to be...

Auryn: And who the hell was that at their window just now?!

Cerulite: I told you! *point* It's Xellos' mob ties, coming back to haunt them!

"Shouldn't someone check on, Lina?" Martina asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah I think so. Maybe she wants to be alone." Zel commented.

Tes: Thank you, Zel, that made no sense whatsoever.

"I'll go check on her." Gourry said standing up. He walked up the stairs, seemingly knowing the way. He opened her room door and saw an empty bed.

Tes: *as Gourry* "What the...? There shouldn't be any empty beds in this fic! Someone get in here and start going at it like a pair of rabid weasels!"

Matise: TES!

Tes: *sweetly* Sorry, darling! It slipped.

"Oi? Lina? You in here?" He asked, then he saw the window open with the curtains blowing away in the wind.

"Oh? A Lina alone. Poor girl." An evil smile looked down at Lina sitting alone in the forest.

Auryn: *as narrator* "It was just a disembodied smile, not at all unlike the one seen in Alice and Wonderland..."

"Well I guess she can be a use to Dynasty." A man by the name of Grau teleported with his companion down a little ways away from Lina.

"How are we going to do this?" The lady named Sherra asked Grau.

Cerulite: *as the Brass Rackets guy from Next* "With the power of GUTS!"

"Well I guess we can just take her." He suggested.

"Good idea." They went towards Lina and seized her. Lina screamed and tried to through a fireball but they grabbed her hands.

Matise: I don't know, that seems like a pretty BAD idea to me... Lina does have a propensity to use the Dragon Slave as a terror tactic...

"Yep Dynasty will love her." They teleported away.

Matise: What's this supposed to be?

Dynasty Grausherra
Tes: *shrug* It's the credits, I guess. Hey, Auryn... it's your turn.

Zelas Metallium
All but Matise: *cheer* ZELAS!

Matise: Huh?

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Auryn: *clears throat* "Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars..."

Gourry Gabriev
Auryn: *singing* "Let me see what spring is like, on Jupiter and Mars..."

Zelgadis Greywers
Auryn: *singing* "In other words, hold my hand... In other words, darling kiss me..."

Amelia Seyrunn
Auryn: *singing* "Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore...."

Filia Ul Copt
Auryn: *singing* "You are all I long for, all I worship and adore...."

Xelloss Metallium
Auryn: *singing* "In other words... Please be truuuuuuuueeee!"

Cerulite: All hail Queen Meta... What the hell!? It doesn't say Metallia anymore!

Zangulus and Martina
Auryn: Hey! I'm trying to sing here!

Priest Grau and General Sherra
Cerulite: *shyly* Oh... sorry...

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

Slayers Return Again
Episode 11

Gourry stared out the open window where Lina left out of.

Tes: Hey, at least his booty's facing the camera now! Yeah!

Matise: Excuse me!?

Tes: Oh... never mind. *grins sheepishly*

Amelia called to him. "Gourry? Is Lina-san coming down?" She asked. He walked back down stairs slowly.

"No.... she left."

Cerulite: *as Gourry* "No, I pushed her out of her window."

He told the others. They looked puzzeled, thinking Gourry got something confused.

"She wanted you to leave?" Mama-sama asked him gently.

Auryn: *as Gourry* "And that's exactly why I pushed her out the window!"

"No. I mean like opened the window and levalated out, or something like that. The window was open and no Lina in the room." He told her.

CD: Boy, he's eloquent.

"Well you might not have the right room." Papa-sama said, but wasn't sure himself. They all followed Gourry to the room he opened up.

"Oh! It is Lina-chan's room." Mama-sama exclaimed.

Tes: *as Mama* "Or maybe it's just the dungeon where we torture the prisoners. I always got those two rooms confused.... *nervous laughter*"

"Where could she have gone?" Amelia asked everyone, but mainly herself. She jumped out of the three story window

"Hey you'll die!" Papa-sama exclaimed, forgetting Amelia knew magic.

Auryn: I think that's the point of jumping out a three-story window.

"LEVATATION!!" She yelled, which made Papa-sama breath a sigh of relief. Zelgadis smiled over at Papa-sama and grabbed Gourry and followed Amelia.

Cerulite: *as narrator* "Zelgadis gave a sigh of relief as Amelia hit the ground and splattered."

CD: *as Zelgadis* "Well, now that she's gone, let's PARTY!"

"Well I guess we should go too, ja?" Martina took Zangulus by the hand and levatated down.

Auryn: Hey! Martina knows German, too! *point* Ja! Ja!

Papa and Mama looked at each other, shrugged and follwed the others.

"You two stay here becuase Lina-chan might come back." Mama-sama ordered Filia and Xellos when they teleported down.

Tes: *as Mama* "And no nooky while we're gone!"

Matise: *sigh* I give up.

"With this namagomi?!" Filia was about to say but the rest of them already took off running. Filia fumed and stomped back to the front porch. Xellos followed her, a teasing grin popped on his face.

"Aw poor Fii-chan." He started.

Cerulite: *as Xellos* "Hey, Fi-chan, wanna go shag in Lina's room?"

"Don't Fii-chan me." She growled. He sucked onto her anger and decided to make her a little madder.

"Ah... your anger is tasty." he mocked her.

CD: *as Xellos* "Along with certain other parts of your anatomy..."

A steam of anger fizzed out of Filia as she realized what he was doing, and decided to tease him.

"Liiiiiife is sooo woooooonderful! Won't you be briiiight like thedaaaaaay with me?" she sang Xellos twitched. "Butterflies flying around, biiiirds singing! Life is soooo woooonderfuuuul. Life iiiiiis sooobeauuuutiful! I looove it, life is soooo wonderful." She sang on.

Auryn: Actually, she's beginning to make ME a little sick with that.

Which made him so fustrated that he tackled her down to the grass.

Tes: Oh! *points* Look! They're going native this time!

"What did you do that for? She asked. She reached for her mace, which he grabbed in time.

"Get off me! You baka namagomi!" She squirmed.

Cerulite: *as Filia* "All the neighbors are watching!"

"You don't like to be out under pressure?" He asked. He held her arms above her head and reached down and..... tickled her.

CD: *blink**blink* Which seems to be even more common in this fic than shagging.

Her eyes flew wide open as she laughed in surprised. She squirmed and gasped

"Xellos..... Stop.....I... won't.... be able ..... to breath!" Filia said between laughs. He didn't belive her and kept on.

Matise: *sigh**droning* ...and on, and on, and on, and on...."

Which made her continue on laughing. When he stopped they both looked up and realized the weren't in front of Lina's house.

"Uh oh....." Xellos said realizing were they were.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "The fecal matter is about to hit the rotating oscillator...."

"Xellos! What are ya doing?" An angry Zelas Metallium

All but Matise: *cheer* ZELAS!!!

called to him. He sweatdropped and FIlia reached for her mace.

CD: Pfeh. Like that'll protect her from a pissed off Dark Lord.

Xellos got off Filia and stood up, then bowed.

"Greater beast Zelas Metallium. I'm sorry. We were just waiting for Lina and the others." He said.

Cerulite: *as Xellos* "We weren't really getting as frisky as we looked... *nervous laughter*"

Filia freaked out and tried not to faint. Zelas waved the cigarette in her hand said.

"Forget your first assignment.

Auryn: Too late for that. I already have.

Ya can do that later. I need ya to help me to keep Dynasty from makin' Lina his assistant general. If he does that he will make Lina a full mazoku on his side. You know how strong Lina is. He'll make her go against everything, and destroy me!" She said.

Tes: This time, I definitely say her accent is Scottish.

CD: No, no, that's Southern.

Matise: Actually, I think it's supposed to be 'Cheap, Easy Barwhore'.

Others: *gasp* Don't blaspheme against Zelas!!!

Filia gasped. Zelas looked up and noticed Filia. Zelas knew Filia was there but it didn't registered. "What is this dragon girl doing here."

Auryn: *as a Scot* "Aye, wot is this wee dragon bairn doin' here, accushla?"

She asked angrily. Xellos blushed.

"Uh well... she was with me when we were waiting for Lina and the others to get back."

Cerulite: *as Xellos* "And at that particular moment, I was trying to get her out of her clothes!"

He said.

"I summoned you not her. Why is she here too?" Zelas asked suspiciously.

CD: *East Tennessee accent coming through* "Ah summoned juw, not her! Whu's she 'ere, too? Didje cobble that up, too!?"

"Well I was er, uh, tickling her for singing the life is wonderful song." He said childishly.

"You didn't mention you starting to tease me, namagomi." Filia said standing up.

"You were the one how started it. I read your thoughts." Xellos argued back.

Auryn: Can he... do that?

Tes: I dunno... I don't think Zelas really cares, either.

"You read my thoughts?! I hate when you do that!" She pulledout her mace and smacked him with it. Which he teleported away and it missed him. She ran after him with it, while he dogged it. Zelas rolled her eyes and sighed.


All: Thank you!

She yelled her blond hair moved when she yelled. Filia and Xellos froze in their tracks.

Cerulite: *as Zelas**laughing* "Freeze tag! You're it!"

Xellos bowed and looked at his mistress.

"I'm sorry. It's Filia's fault. I apologize for her." He said to his mistress but mainly to Filia.

CD: Pfeh, thanks a bunch, Xel.

"I'm sorry Greater Beast Zelas. But Xellos always has to annoy me." Filia said sweetly to Zelas.

Cerulite: Filia, I don't really think Zelas is going to take your side against her own Priest...

"What? I don't annoy you! You try to annoy me." Xellos retorted.

Matise: *as Filia* "I annoy you a thousand times more than you annoy me!"

Tes: *as Xellos* "Nuh-uh!"

Matise: *as Filia* "Uh-huh!"

Tes: *as Xellos* "Nuh-uh!"

"Argh!" Filia raised her mace and was an inch from hitting Xellos when Zelas commanded their shadows to stop. "What is with you two?" She asked. clicking her high heels.

Cerulite: Much like Hawks Eye of Amazon Trio fame.

All but Matise: *Hawks Eye laugh* OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

"I can hardly tell your a golden dragon, and Xellos, ya don't act like my general! Your actin' like a lil' kid!" Zelas bellowed.

"Now I want you two to go follow my request! NOW!"

Auryn: *as Zelas* "Both of you, go stand in Time Out! Now!"

She dismissed them back to earth.

"We best get to work." Filia commented.

"Yeah I think so." Xellos twitched.

CD: *as Filia* "So what did she want us to do again?"

Matise: *as Xellos* "Sorry, I was too busy acting like a spoilt little brat to hear her."

"So how do we do thi------ WAIT! I"M NOT A MAZOKU!" She yelled.

"Ya want to save Lina right?" Zelas's voice echoed in Filia's head. "Never mind I'll help."

Tes: It doesn't matter if you're Mazoku or not, all must bow before Zelas!

Lina woke up to the feet of a twenty year old man. She sat up and rubbed her head.

"Where am I?" She asked dizzily. She didn't really remeber Sherra and Grau taking her. Dynast looked over and noticed her.

Cerulite: DYNAST! No, oh wait... he wants to destroy Zelas!

All: Boooooo! Hisssss! Boooo!

"Oh! Lina Inverse awakes." He said coldly.

Auryn: Dynast? Cold? What on earth gave them that idea?

"Is that my name?" She asked him. He looked in surprised, then a cruel smile appeared over his handsome, young face. His black hair blew as he thought of what he could do with her.

Matise: He could use her as a doorstop.

Cerulite: Or a paperweight.

CD: Or a lawn ornament.

Tes: Or he could just take her in the back and shag her rotten.

Matise: TES...

Tes: WHAT? It would fit the theme with the rest of the fic!

'I could finally rule the world!' he thought.

Auryn: Didn't see that one coming.

He looked over at her sadly.

"Your friends..... they left you to die.... My general and preist rescued you." He said it so convincenly.

Cerulite: 'Bout as convincingly as any Mazoku Dark Lord, I guess.

CD: *thinks* I dunno, Phibby was pretty convincing...

Lina stared blankly at him.

"Who? Who? Who would do that to me?" She asked puzzeled.

"That swordsman husband off yours, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis Greywers, Amelia Sailune, OH and don't forget your mother and father.

Auryn: Gott, Lina's gonna be as screwed up as an Eva pilot if he keeps this up!

If you'd seen that look on their face when they left you. It broke my heart to see such cruel parents.

CD: He's obviously never seen Gendo Ikari in action...

Oh and do not forget that mazoku, Xellos Metallium. His mistress, that sneaky old Zelas Metallium,

All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Auryn: Hey! He's blaspheming against Zelas!

Others: Get him!

She told him to do this to you. Of course he obeyed! He's been wanting to do it for ages.

Matise: Do what to her?

Tes: I have no clue.

And that Filia. And she's supposed to be a golden dragon!" He said angrily.

CD: She IS a Golden Dragon... just... no_ a very.... chaste one...

"How could they do that to you?" he asked. "Lina shrugged.

"You saved my life then. I'll be forever indebted to you!" She exclaimed.

Cerulite: *as Lina* "Uhh, what'd they do to me again?"

"Oh really? Then that's great! I could use your help getting back at them. You see I never liked them. They always did evil around. Oh it was terrible!" Dynast exclaimed

Tes: Uh, hey, Dynast... Dude... She already agreed to help you... you can quit laying it on now....

'I should get an award for this. Hey she's falling for it.'

"Tell me oh great one! What should I do to help you out?" Lina asked with great earnest.

Tes: *as Dynast* "Well.... first you could get on your knees and..."

Matise: *interrupts* Don't even think about it.

"Oh do call me Lord Dynast. You should help me by killing them one by one. But first I want you to train with Sherra. Oh Sherra! Lina is awake." He called to his general.

"Oh she is? What do you want me to do? Torture her?" Sherra asked evily and was immediatly silenced by Dynast's cold black eyes.

Auryn: *as Dynast* "Hey, Sherra... Ixnay on the Orture-tay!"

"Hey just kidding. Need me to help her train?" She asked, getting what Dynast was saying.

CD: *as Sherra* "Need me to get her hit by a train... I mean... Need me to help her train?"

"Yes do that please." Dynast said coldly. "Yes my Lord." The girl flipped her blue hair over her shoulder and sauntered out.

Dynasty Grausherra
Cerulite: Hey, his name wasn't Dynasty! I feel cheated! I was expecting a Chinese guy!

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

CD: She should be the first character on the list!

Tes: I agree!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Auryn: Hey, is anybody singing this time?

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Cerulite: Nah, I think the credits are almost over, anyway.

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
All: *stare blankly*

Zangulus and Martina
Cerulite: Viva Zoalmagustar! *returns to staring blankly*

Priest Grau and General Sherra
(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

CD: Well, that was surprisingly painless.

Slayers Return Again
Episode 12

"It's been two days since Lina-san's been gone." Amelia pouted.

Auryn: *as Amelia* "She'd damned well better bring me back a souvenir when she gets back!"

Martina tried happy but was depressed. Zangulus just looked blank.

CD: Zangulus has always kinda looked that way.

Zelgadis was his usual quiet self... except quieter.

Cerulite: Is that... possible!?

Mama and Papa tried to be hopeful, and Filia and Xellos kept everyone going.

Tes: *as narrator* "...by providing three square orgies a day."

Matise: *sigh*

Gourry just sat fireplace....angry.

"Come on guys! We need to stop sitting around. Lets go to the north pole like Lina was planning. I bet that's where we'll find her. Gourry said standing up suddenly.

Auryn: *blink* What the hell gave him that idea?

CD: *shrug* Animal instinct?

Everyone looked at him in surprise.

Matise: Heck, I'd be surprised, too. That made no sense.

"You know son, your right. Here let me give you something that you would be good with while we travel." Papa-sama stood up and brought out a sword.

Tes: *as Gourry* "Uh, thanks anyway, but I already have one. I am a swordsman, duh."

"It's a sword and---" He was cut off by Gourry. Gourry pull the sword out. It didn't have a blade.

"LIGHT COME FORTH!!!" He yelled. The sword of light was shining bright.

All: *stare*

Auryn: I don't get it.

Tes: You and me both.

CD: The hell...?

Cerulite: Lost... I'm so lost... So lost...

Matise: Suspension of disbelief, folks, suspension of disbelief...

"Wow Lina is going to be happy I have this back! Come on lets go find her." Gourry said happily. Papa and Mama looked puzzeled, but went on with the others.

Auryn: *furious* Why the hell should they be puzzled!? They were the ones keeping the verdammt sword the whole time!!!


"Ok Lynasty Let's work on that swing." Grau told his partner.

Tes: Who the hell is Lynasty?

CD: Hell if I know, but it's a cool name.

'That red head girl wasn't getting frustrated at all over doing all this excerise' A blue headed girl thought from the corner.

"Ok Grau! I'll work with her now." Sherra pushed up and walked over to Lynasty and Grau. Grau looked up to see Sherra right there next to them.

Cerulite: What are we watching? And what does it have to do with this story, anyway?

"Ah Sherra. You want to take over? Lynasty is almost ready for battle. I could finish up you know." The dark haired man told the general.

"I'll do it!" Sherra growled. She wasn't in a good mood today and didn't have time for Grau to butter up to her.

Auryn: Uh oh... Sherra's PMSing...

"I wonder how my friends are." Lynasty said absent-mindedly.

Matise: I wonder how she knows she has friends. She's got amnesia.

Sherra and Grau gasped.

"What friends?" The stammered at the same time.

Tes: *as Sherra and Grau* "Don't be stupid Lynasty! You're obnoxious and ugly! You don't have any friends!"

CD: *as Lynasty* Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

"I don't know..... I just had this thought about some blond guy, and a group of people."

Auryn: *as Lyansty* "They were all naked and gyrating around... I think they were having an... orgy of some sort..."

Lynasty said flipping her long red hair over her shoulders.

"Oh! Those bastards that left you for dead!" Grau exclaimed angrily.

"Well let's call Decivio. He'll show us what's with them."

Matise: *as Lyansty* "For some reason, I have a hard time trusting a guy named Decivio..."

Sherra called to Decivio, Who came in immediatly.

"Yes mistress?" He asked.

Tes: *as Decivio* "Need me to make some bugs appear?"

"Show Lynasty-san, what her friends are doing." Sherra said frostily.

CD: *as Decivio* "But she doesn't have any... oh, never mind..."

"Right." Decivio turned so his evil grin wouldn't show. He waved his hand and an illusion showed up.

Cerulite: Surprise, surprise...

"Man am I glad Lina is gone! Don't have to worry about tragedy happening." Martina said.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Praise be to Zoalmagustar."

"Talk about happy? I'm more than happy." Zangulus commented.

Auryn: *as Zangulus* "As a matter of fact, I might just dance a jig!"

"She always had to boss us around." Amelia complained.

Tes: Riiiight, like it was her who made you sleep with Zelgadis...

Matise: *chokes on his sodee*

"She was to loud." Zelgadis said.

CD: Finally, someone has a valid complaint.

"She was to evil for my liking." Filia said angrily.


Cerulite: And yet she can sleep with Xellos and not complain...

"Even I didn't like her." Xellos said in his usual way.

"Hey at least we have food around here. Hey did anyone find Syphiel's number?" Gourry asked.

Auryn: *whistles* Ohhhh, that was low.

Matise: I guess, but who's Syphiel? She anything like Sylphiel?

Lynasty gasped at her ex-friends.

CD: *as Lynasty* "Who were these people again?"

'How could they?!' She thought angrily. "DRAGON SLAVE!!!!" She yelled throwing a dragon slave at the illusion.

Tes: *as narrator* "...and blowing herself and the entire vicinity up in the process..."

"Well I think Sherra and Grau are good teachers. Look how good that Dragon Slave was. And without chanting it." Dynast walked in and clapped his hands.

Auryn: *as narrator* "...singed and blackened as he was from being caught in Lynasty's Dragon Slave..."

Sherra beamed at her lord and Grau nodded.

Matise: I dunno, Sherra just doesn't seem the type to go around beaming at people, to me.

Lynasty had fire in her crimson eyes.

"I'll kill then all with one blow." She growled.

Tes: *snicker*

Matise: Not. One. Word.

Dynast looked impressed.

"Well I guess you are ready." He placed his hand on his black shoulder armour, thoughtfully.

Cerulite: *as Dynast* "Maybe moss green is more my color...?"

"Well I guess you can go." He said after a minute.

Auryn: *as Dynast* "And pick me up a carton of milk on your way back in..."

"Yes!!" Lynasty said pumping her black gloved fist.

"Sherra... you and Grau go and see how Lina does.

CD: Argh! I thought her name was Lynasty!

Matise: Fanfic? Is there something you'd like to share with us?

Give her help if she needs it." Dynast instructed.

Tes: *as Dynast* "Brainwash her again if she needs it..."

Cerulite: Is it just me, or was Lina easier to brainwash than Tuxedo Mask has ever been?

Sherra nodded obeying her lord as usual.

"Right my lord." She answered and stood next to Linasty.

Auryn: Hey, look! Lynasty's back!

Grau went reluctantly, while Dynast turned to Decivio.

"And you... stay here." He instructed, then teleported out. Decivio's shoulders fell but obeyed.

Matise: Of course, the rest of Decivio went right along with everyone else.

"Alright! Are you guys ready?" Lynasty asked evily.


CD: Ready for what? To go surfing?

Auryn: No, no, they're firing fireballs onto the ocean! See?

"I have a feeling Lina will be around here." Amelia told Zelgadis. They were walking together becuase everyone decided to

Tes: *as narrator* "...pair off and go make sweet love in the woods."

Matise: No, forget it. It's no use.

Tes: *sweetly* What was that, dear?

split up.

"We need to keep out eye one them. Remeber what Filia said. We might not reconize her."

Cerulite: Now just how does Filia know that? They don't know she's been brainwashed!

CD: In Lina's absence, Filia has taken over as "Ms. Know It All".

Zelgadis said looking around.


"Where could that girl gone off to? We've been searching for days. I hope she's alright." Martina told Zangulus sadly.

"Hopefully...." He answered blankly.


Auryn: *as narrator* "As they waded through the sewer water..."

Matise: Like either of them ever gave a flying flip about Lina, either way!

Cerulite: Unless it was to punish her in the name of the Monstrous Zoalmagustar...

"Why can't we just teleport to Dynast's place?" Filia asked Xellos.

"I've thought about doing that. But Dynast probably has traps that we need to watch out for. We probably would never leave." Xellos sighed.

CD: *as Xellos* "He's probably got exotic dancers and big, soft beds for orgies and we'd never want to leave!"


"Where could my baby have gone?" Mama-sama asked her husband on the verge of tears.

CD: *singing* "Where, oh where, could my baby be... the lord's took her away from me..."

"I wish she never found out about my being a mazoku... this would have never happened.

All: Yeah, right.

Well I guess she have to know sooner or later. I wish I could have told her though."

Matise: *as Papa* "L-sama telling her just wasn't good enough for my tastes!"

Papa-sama said angrily. They turned the corner and

Auryn: *as narrator* "...ran into a wall."

Tes: Where the hell ARE they, anyway? I thought it was a forest!

Cerulite: Are there corners in a forest?

met up with Amelia, Zelgadis, Filia, Xellos, Martina, and Zangulus.

"Did you find her?" They all asked together. No one answered becuase they knew the answer.

CD: 2+2 DOES equal 5...

They all sat down glumly waiting for Gourry.

Auryn: *as narrator* "...who had gotten lost looking for the woods. He couldn't see it for all the trees."

"I thought we'd find her here.... Wait I thought I saw her!" Amelia looked up to see a flash of red hair go behind some trees.

CD: *as narrator* "Unfortunately for all of them, it was just Jesse from Team Rocket..."

Tes: *as Jesse* "Prepare for trouble!"

Matise: *as James* "And make it double!"

"It must be your imagination." Zelgadis told her.

"No! This time I know what I saw! Come on Zelgadis... Belive me."

Cerulite: *as Zelgadis* "No, Amelia... you've obviously been hitting the acid again..."

Amelia went off in the direction of what she saw. The others followed.

"Great! They fell for it."

Matise: Fell for what!?

Auryn: I have no clue.

Lynasty grinned evily as the grew closer. She teleported above them and waited.

Cerulite: *ahem* Since when can Lina teleport?

CD: *shrug* Since... hell, I don't know!

"I told you it was your imagination." Zelgadis told Amelia.

"But I know what I saw!" Amelia insisted.

Tes: *as Zelgadis* "It was obviously only an hallucination brought on by your use of acid! Now stop arguing with me about it and sober up!"

Zelgadis and Amelia were on the verge of arguing when Mama stopped them.

"Hey hey hey! Listen to you all! I know you miss Lina

All: Yeah, right.

but I'm sure she wouldn't want you guys arguing like that!

All: Yeah, right.

Now we are going to go back and check everywhere to see if we can find Lina again."

Matise: Where are they even looking for her at?!

Auryn: The forest...?

CD: The North Pole...?

Cerulite: Their house...?

Tes: The local brothel...?

Matise: Tesssss...

Tes: Well, maybe that was a bit premature... She's actually married...

She told them. Lynasty blinked at what they said, then shook her head

Auryn: *as Lynasty* "Who were these people again? Damned amnesia!"

"Why don't you just look behind you." Lynasty said teleporting and leaning on a tree. They all turned around to see

CD: *as narrator* "...the forest drenched in blood!"

Cerulite: CD...?

CD: Oh, sorry! *sheepish grin* This fic's really getting to me... it needs more violence and less sex.

Tes: You've been around Haunter too long.

Lina/Lynasty leaning on a tree with a smile.... a cruel cold smile.

Matise: Been around Dynast too long.

Auryn: A-yup.

"Lina-san! Your alright!" Amelia rushed to Lina but was pushed away by a blow of wind from Lynasty's hand.

Tes: "Bomdi Wind"... The Slayers Try Deus ex Machina spell...

Auryn: Naw, I definitely say that's the Dragon Slave.

Tes: Oh! Good point!

"Amelia!" Zelgadis rushed to her side.

"Lina-san." Amelia whispered. Lina laughed evily.

"So, you finally thought about me, eh?

CD: No, she's just wondering why you Bomdi Wind-ed her... And Zelgadis is only worried about Amelia...

Cerulite: And what the hell happened to everyone else?

Well It's to late. Lord Dynast has been good to me. And you all? You were glad that I was gone."

Matise: *as Amelia* "No we weren-- Well, now that you mention it, yeah, we kinda were!"

Lynasty glared at each of them.

"You! Papa! You didn't tell me I was half mazoku! So I decided to join the mazoku.

Tes: What the hell kinda sense does that make?

Auryn: It's Lina, she's always right.

Tes: Screw Lina, Zelas is always right!

Why waste my nature to the mazoku? Dynast gladly let me join.

Cerulite: *as Lynasty* "Dynast gladly brainwashed me!"

I will not fail the mazoku... like you did...." She said pointing to him. She turned to her mother.

CD: *as Lynasty* "And you! You never got me those festival dolls when I was eight! I hate you!"

The gasps from Sherra and Grau were not heard from the others.

Matise: *as Grau* "Oh, my goodness, Sherra! Look at that mumu she's wearing! It's so tacky!"

"And you Mama! you went along wpith him! Not caring about how I felt!

Auryn: *as Mama* "As a matter of fact, we don't care now. Let's go, honey...."

If Luna wasn't already appointed that dreadful position as the Knight of Cipheed I'm sure she'd agreed."

Cerulite: I'm pretty sure the Knight of Cephied is just born, not appointed...

Lina said angrily, her crimson eyes lighting up.

"You! Martina! You always whined about how I destroyed your castle! You spoiled rotten brat! You think I care?!

CD: I know I never did.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "You will care as soon as I call down the curse of Zoalmagustar upon you! OHOHOHOHO!"

Zanglus! Go to hell! I bet you'd find lots of entertainment."

All: *silence**stare**sound of Matise sipping coffee**stare*

CD: Did I miss something?

Auryn: I don't... think so...

Tes: What... The... Frag...

Lynasty laughed.

"And you Amelia! Why do you always have to yell about your stupid justice. Who cares about justice?! Death to all!

CD: I have to say, I fail to see how death to all is unjust...

Auryn: You HAVE been around Haunter too long...

Evilness will always beat your gooodness. And Zelgadis! Since you found your cure, will you stop whining about it?!"

Cerulite: I have to say, he's not whined much this fic... just used a bad pick up line or two...

Lynasty's eyes were on fire.

Tes: *as Lynasty* "Owww! My eyes! Put them out! Put them out!"

"Filia! I'm tired of you talking about us mazoku. You alway are talking trash about us.

CD: *as Lynasty* "When you're not sleeping with us..."

No wonder they don't belive you were a priestess.

Auryn: WHO doesn't believe she was a priestess...?

Cerulite: Dynast? I guess? I'm confused...

We mazoku are way better then you. And Xellos prepare to meet your maker! I'm sick of your attitude and with the help of

Matise: *as Lynasty* "The Monstrous Zoalmagustar!!! No... wait... I mean..."

Lord Dynast I will destroy you!" Lynasty finished and raised her hand.

"Zelgadis-san. I'm going to try a Flow Break. Maybe she'll snap out of the spell Dynast put on her."

Tes: *as Zelgadis* "Sorry, but it's not a spell. You know how easily brainwashable Lina is..."

CD: And what the hell is a Flow Break?

Amelia suggested. Zelgadis nodded and walked in front of Amelia blocking her.

Auryn: *as narrator* "...from beating the snot out of Lynasty."

"O power of light, And earth and wind," She started Lynasty looked in her direction and raised her hand to fireball her.

Cerulite: Oh, please do. Maybe that will end the fic?

Tes: Not bloody likely...

Zelgadis put up a sheild and Amelia went on.

"Break now this evil spell! FlOW BREAK!" Amelia spread her arms out, spreading the magic towards Lina.

Matise: *shaking head* Is she Lina now, or Lynasty? I'm so confused... This is making my head hurt...

When the spell ended Amelia opened her eyes and looked at Lina. Lina blinked.

"What was that supposed to be? A goody goody spell?"

CD: Otherwise known as white magic?

Auryn: She'll change her tune when she needs a good healing spell... After they've beaten her to a pulp...

Lynasty asked rudely. Amelia blinked.

Cerulite: They need to stop all that blinking... They should just get some Visine or something...

"What it didn't work?!" She asked herself.

"It seems Lina isn't under a spell." Xellos said.

Matise: Bum bum ba DUM!

CD: Finally! That was a long chapter!

Dynasty Grausherra
Auryn: Okay, one: Why is Dynast spelled like that and, two: Why is he first and Zelas isn't?

Tes: That's what I wanna know!

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Auryn: *as Lisa Simpson* "When I get married, I may choose to keep my own name..."

Gourry Gabriev
Zelgadis Greywers
CD: *as announcer* "...Lord of the Dance!"

Amelia Seyrunn
Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Cerulite: *as announcer* "...and Xellos Metallium as the zany best friend, Joe!"

Zangulus and Martina
Priest Grau and General Sherra
(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Tes: *points* Is that the maker Lynasty was going to send Xellos to meet?

Matise: No, I think she was only sending him back to Wolf Pack Island to meet Zelas...

Lynasty is just a name I made up.... Lynasty is still Lina, just evil.

Auryn: ...for those of you who hadn't figured that out yet...

Decivio is one of my creations.

Slayers Return Again
Episode 13

"What do you mean Lina isn't under a spell?!" Filia cried to Xellos.

CD: *as Xellos* "I mean she's brainwashed! Like Tuxedo Mask! Like Tamahome! Get with the program!"

"It seems that's what she is actually thinking." Xellos said peering at Lina. Lynasty grinned at the fools before her.

Matise: *holding head* Lynasty, Lina, Lynasty, Lina, Lynasty! I wish they'd just use one name! Geez!

Sherra and Grau appeared next to her.

Auryn: *as Sherra* "Well, looks like it's time to brainwash her again..."

"Well Xellos. We meet again." Sherra said coldly.

Cerulite: Is it just me, or do Sherra and Xellos hate each other in all these fanfics?

CD: Trust me, it's not just you.

"Ah. Sherra. Grau. It seems you have Lina on your side." He said, smiling.

"Yes. And as you see she wants to be. She wasn't forced like you try to do to her."

Tes: What the...? What was that!?

Matise: Yes you see she was talking without any punctuation making her sentence look really weird. Like this.

Sherra told him smugly.

"And now for you all to die." Lynasty said. Sherra and Grau teleported out of there.

Cerulite: They know how to get when the getting's good!

Amelia ordered everyone to put up a protective shield.

Tes: And Amelia takes charge!

Auryn: She's a born leader, ja...

"I sure they trained Lina to be more powerful." She said. They nodded and got ready. "DRAGON SLAVE!!!!" Lynasty yelled. Everyone was amazed at how good the dragon slave was.

CD: Like any of her other Dragon Slaves had any less impact than a full-scale nuclear detonation without the fallout....

If they didn't block that it would have destroyed half the forest just like a dragon slave with a chant.

Matise: So basically... it's the same thing.

"Hmph If you think that's bad wait till you see my dragon slave, when I chant it. Or better yet what about when I use the spell amplifier?"

Cerulite: *ahem* Otherwise known as the Demons Blood Talismen?

She laughed. Amelia cringed at the site of Lina talking like that.

Auryn: She could see her talking?

She was about to jump up on a tree

Tes: Gods no...

Auryn: Hey, it's stereotypical Amelia, what'd you expect?

when Zelgadis stopped her.


Tes: *as narrator* "...and then the flood came and drowned them all. The End."


Tes: Dammit! It just doesn't end!

I was certain I heard someone yell 'dragon slave'" Gourry said thoughtfully. He was walking thru town looking for Lina.

CD: Of course, the gigantic mushroom fire cloud rising into the sky wouldn't have given him a clue...

'Maybe it's my imagination for missing her so much.' He thought. He walked toward the forest where the rest of them were.".....Or better yet what about when I use the spel amplifier?"

Matise: Wow, he must've been really close to the forest to hear that all the way in town...

Auryn: No, I think that since the Dragon Slave practically obliterated the forest, he didn't have any trees to keep him from hearing it...

He heard a voice say.

'Hey that's Lina!' He thought. He ran to the direction of the voice and stopped to see the group he was with facing Lina like they were going to fight her.

Matise: That last sentence just slaughtered any notion of grammar this fic had going.

"Lina! Your safe! Look what your dad-----" He was cut off by Mama.

"Gourry. Yes that's Lina but some how she's evil now."

CD: Well, it's nice to know that in an ever changing world, some people still see life in terms of black and white.

Cerulite: You are so jaded.

She whispered to him.

"What? Oh I see now. Lina must have went to the forest behind your house got knocked out. Dynast or someone found her. Took her back where they stay.

Auryn: The North Pole, maybe?

She has amnesia and Dynast told her some sob story about how we were glad she was gone and she's come back even stronger to kill us, ne?"Gourry asked them.

All: *blink**blink*

Auryn: *cries* How cruel can this fanfic get!?

Matise: *weakly* My head... My head... need... coffee...

CD: Am I the only person this is reminding of the Dark Phoenix Saga!? AM I!?! Hell, even Decivio is like Mastermind! *cries* It's not faiiiiir!

They all gasped... even Grau and Sherra.

Cerulite: Who everyone had forgotten... were... there.... Oh, forget it. This fanfic has broken my soul.

"How did he figure out." Grau asked Sherra.

Tes: *angrily* He apparently read the last two chapters while you guys weren't looking!

Auryn: He can read? Who knew?

"You know Gourry you just might be right." Papa-sama told him thoughtfully.

"Now we gotta find out how to wake her back up. How did you figure that out?"

Matise: Please... don't try to explain it... It'll only make things worse... *migraine*

Zelgadis asked quietly.

"That's a secret." Gourry winked.

CD: *cries* Now what the hell is that!? Did he and Xellos switch personalities while we weren't looking? Did they eat Anthy's secret ancient magic curry!?! WHAT!?! *breaks down in tears, is comforted by Cerulite*

Xellos glared at Gourry.

"If your trying to get me to go against Lord Dynast, it won't work." She said

"But Lina...." Gourry started.

Auryn: *as Gourry* "Or Lynasty... or whoever the hell you are..."

"Don't call me that!" Lynasty blinked.

Tes: Oh why the hell not!? Dynast did, to her face!

Cerulite: *whimper* Fanfic, what did we ever do to you?

'Her heart is responding to the dumb blond. Lets get her out of here.' Sherra told Grau thru his thoughts. They teleported next to Lina.

CD: ...Lynasty...

"I'm afriad we've wasted to much time here. Just kill them and lets go."

Matise: I really don't think that's what Sherra told him...

Grau told Lynasty. She nodded.

"Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond the blood that flows!

Auryn: *as Lynasty* "No, on second thought, let's go for the gusto... GIGA SLAVE!"

Tes: *as announcer* "But Lynasty couldn't control the Giga Slave and she destroyed the world. The End."

Buried in the flow of time !

Tes: *sputtering* DAMMIT! It never works!

In thy great name I pledge myself to darkness! Let all the fools who stand in our way be destroyed by the power you and I posses!"

Matise: *monotone, as Lynasty* "Let the fools who stand before us, yada, yada, yada..."

She chanted her eyes closed.

Auryn: I know my eyes are closing from boredom...

"Sheilds!" Amelia yelled. Everyone put up a shield and Gourry withdrew his sword.

CD: Withdrew? *snicker* From where?

Tes: *snicker*


Cerulite: AHH! Thank you, Gourry, we're all deaf now....

Auryn: Bout like CD's singing...

He yelled.


Matise: *nervously downing coffee* It never ends...

Tes: Gods, now we really ARE deaf!

Lynasty called after him, opeing her eyes to throw the dragon slave at them. She stopped when she saw the sword of light.

CD: *as Lina/Lynasty* "Ohh, Gourry! Can I have it now? We are family, after all! And you promised!"

She tossed her dragon slave power over her should where Grau and Sherra stood and toasted them.

Auryn: Is that... possible?

"Gourry! Oh Gourry! you got the sword of light back!"

Cerulite: Well, you got the general idea, CD...

CD: Unreal... Just... wrong....

She ran to and hugged him.

"Are you going to let me have it? Pretty please? huh huh huh? Please?"

CD: *indignantly* My version was better. Hmph!

Lina asked excitedly. Everybody's chin dropped.

Matise: *as narrator* "...and hit the floor. How unsanitary!"

"W-ell I might let you use it." Gourry said smiling.

Tes: *as Gourry* "I might let you touch my sword... if you ask me nicely..."

Matise: *sigh* And here I thought we were over that...

"Come on! We are in the same family now. Pleeease?" She asked.

CD: I am officially dumbfounded.

"Lynasty! What is this?! You turning your back on the people who saved your life?!" Sherra asked angrily.

Auryn: They're still here?

"Saved my life? Oh no! You fell right in my trap.

All: *stare*

How else was I going to find the power to beat you? Ne?"

All: *stare*

Matise: Plot twist after stunning plot twist.

Cerulite: I will never feel joy again. *sob*

Lina said laughing. She wrapped her coat in front of her and was back in her regular clothes.

Tes: She was wearing a coat? The hell...

"Wait till Lord Dynasty hears about this!" Grau exclaimed.

CD: I don't think Lina, Lynasty, or whatever she's calling herself, really gives a flying rat's ass, now do you?

"How about if he doesn't" Lina lowered her voice, gathering another dragon slave in her hands.

Auryn: Terror tactic.

Matise: Told ya.

Grau and Sherra immediatly teleprted out of there.


Cerulite: There go the chunks of my sanity, floating away on the ocean...

"Gourry we pulled that off good!" Lina exclaimed raising her hand.

"Good team, right?" Gourry high fived her.

Tes: *sputtering* So, on top of Gourry knowing everything that happened to her, and her brainwashing being all an act, we're supposed to believe they were in cahoots the whole time!?

All: Plot hole!

"Wait wait wait wait! This was all a plan?" Martina asked.

How come we didn't know about it?" Zelgadis asked.

CD: Screw that, the whole thing is incomprehensible, anyway!

"Well if you can't fool your friends and family how will you fool your enemy?" Lina asked winking.

Auryn: *flatly* Xellos does that much better.

"But how did you tell Gourry?" Zangulus asked.

Matise: Dare we ask? No, wait, I don't really even want to know.

"Well I talked to him thru his mind. I explained everything to him.

Cerulite: *bored* So on top of everything else, Lina is telepathic. I thought that was your department, CD?


You think Xellos and Filia are the only ones who can do that now huh?" Lina said excitedly.

Auryn: I don't even think they're supposed to be able to do that...

"Grau and Sherra were good teachers too. I learned to teleport and to speak to people thru their minds. Too bad they were evil."

Tes: *thoughtfully, as Lina* "Too bad people are pigeonholed as either Good or Evil, but nothing in between..."

Lina said seriously.

"Lina-san! How could you do that to us?!" Amelia admonished. Lina winced.

Cerulite: *as Amelia* "How could you give us aneurisms like that?"

"Yes Lina, And you said so many bad things about us." Martina said angrily.

"I think you should apologize." Zelgadis said.

Matise: *as Lina* "But it was so much fun!"

Lina twitched.

"Yes! what exactly did you mean by me going to hell, I'll find lots of entertainment there." Zangulus asked.

CD: Hell, I'd like to know that myself.

Auryn: I'm mystified.

"We ryuzoku will always be better." Filia hmphed. Lina scowled.

CD: *cough*slut*cough*

Tes: *snicker*

Cerulite: Better at WHAT, and why am I sure I don't even want to know?

"And when do I meet my maker. I was wondering who that was."Xellos said.

Auryn: Shiesse! Just how stupid are you, Xellos!? It's Zelas, you dumbkopf!

"Lina we didn't mean to keep it a secret!" Mama and Papa-sama whined.

"Er Gourry, chow time?" Lina asked.

Auryn: *cries* Noooo... they're eating again!

"Of course!" Gourry and Lina joined hands leaving everybody staring after them.


Matise: *as narrator* "As they skipped off hand in hand into the 44 suns setting into the ocean..."

"Shit! Stupid Lina Inverse.

Matise: Whoa! That's no kind of language for a... whoever that is... to be using!

Make a fool out of us will she? I'll get my revenge.... she'll see...."


"I'm sure I can defeat Dynast now." Lina said after they ate.

Auryn: *whew* We missed the eating scene this time!

"What exactly does he want?" Zangulus asked.

"Well I don't know. Xellos? Filia? You know??" Lina asked.

Tes: Didn't Xellos already tell us he wants to take over the world?

"Well sort of. It's seems Dynast isn't like other mazoku. He wants to take over the world." Filia explained.

Matise: Well, will wonders never cease.

"But why would he need Lina?" asked Gourry.

Cerulite: Maybe if someone pushes him forward until his two brain cells strike together, he'll figure it out?

"Well I guess he wanted her to dragon slave people till they vote for him?"

Cerulite: Well, I see Gourry isn't the only one with that problem...

CD: What the...? Right, like they had democracy in the middle ages...

Xellos said teasingly. That was followed with a big conk to the head to Xellos. When the bell on the door tinkled,

Tes: Ewww, they should've been watching that bell better. It tinkled all over the place.

Lina turned to look. When she saw whoit was she ran under the table and screamed.

"What's wrong Lina?" Her friends and parents asked.

Matise: Mayhaps they're blind and didn't notice the person who just walked into the room?

Tes: Or they didn't notice the little bell tinkling itself?


Cerulite: *gasp* It's Meatball-hime's little black cat!

Others: Oh no!

She chattered.

Oh hello everyone. Mama-sama, Papa-sama." Luna walked over to their table and said hello.

Auryn: As evidenced by the fact that she just said it.

"Luna! Your back from your camping trip? Tell me how was it when you come home and guess who is here?"

Matise: *rubs temples**as Luna* "Oh, I dunno, maybe if I could have understood what you just said, I could answer you?"

Mama-sama told her daughter.

"Sure mama. Now who is here? Wait let me guess.

Tes: Apparently, no one else fears Luna like Lina does. Don't you all find that odd?

CD: Hell, I'd fear her... anyone who can see underneath all that hair is frightening in my book...

You all look familiar. OH! Yeah from my dear sister's wedding! Lets see... Lina should be here somewhere."

Cerulite: Check under the table, or perhaps in a broom closet. She should be cowering in fear there.

Luna laughed and looked under the table to see Lina shivering under the table.

Auryn: *shivering* "It's c-c-c-c-c-c-cold in here!"

Tes: Oh, you're one to talk.

"Heeeeeeeey Sis. Oh your still scared of me? I thought we setteled this long ago?" Luna luaghed at Lina. Lina climbed out sheepishly.

CD: *as a sheep* B-a-a-a-a--a-a-a-a-a-ah!

"Oh yeah i forgot." She said sitting back down.

Cerulite: *as Lina* "Oh yeah, I forgot about the time you beat me to a pulp for putting on that peep show of you to the local boys! What a short memory I have!"

"Mind If I sit with you? I'm waiting for my best friend." Luna asked pulling up a chair.

"Go ahead. Say now I can meet your mysterious best friend, ne?" Lina asked her older sister.

Matise: *as Luna* "Sure, she's just an unsubstantiated fan rumor, anyway! I don't know HOW these things get started!"

"Sure she should be here any minute---- Wait there she is." Luna looked up and waved young blond girl over to her side.

CD: *cough* Like, a thousand or so years young... *cough*

Auryn: She ages like Dick Clark!

All: *in awe* Whoa.

Xellos and Filia choked on their tea.

"Hey everyone I'd like you to meet Zelas Mettalium." Luna said grandly.

All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Tes: *as Lina* "Oh, yeah! You mean the Dark Lord, Beast King, Master of Wolf Pack Island, THAT Zelas Metallium? Oh, I was afraid I had her confused with that OTHER Zelas Metallium! I've heard so much about you!"

Matise: As in, 'those who starred in this fanfic'.

Dynasty Grausherra
Auryn: *scornfully* He's not worthy to be first up here. Not like Zelas-sama.

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
CD: Who are these other people? They are inconsequential to the plot! Not like Zelas-sama! *cheer*

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Cerulite: *points* Hey, it's that loose princess!

Others: He-e-e-e-ey!

Filia Ul Copt
Tes: *points* Hey, it's that loose dragon!

Others: He-e-e-e-e-ey!

Xelloss Metallium
CD: *thinking* I dunno, I don't think we can really crack on his chastity...

Auryn: *shrug* He could do worse than Filia.

Matise: *mumbling* Namely Lina or Amelia...

Zangulus and Martina
CD: Hey, hey... saying things like that will make the Lina/Xel, Ame/Xel people angry with us.

Priest Grau and General Sherra
(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

Tes: I think it's safe to say those people wouldn't be caught dead reading any of this.

Lynasty is just a name I made up.... Lynasty is still Lina, just evil.

Cerulite: Or was she really? Or was she just pretending? *cries* L-sama, why have you forsaken us?

CD: L-sama! Zelas-sama! Volfied! DarkStar! Cephied! Zoalmagustar! Sarjilim! ANY-damned-body! Get us out of here!

Slayers Return Again 14

Zelas waved and winked at everyone.

"Hey y'all." She said gaily.

CD: *point**point* See? Ah told y'uns she was Southern!!!

"I know you all know who this is." Luna told everyone.

Matise: I'd hope to goodness that at least Xellos would...

"Well er, of course we do." Lina said wincing. Xellos immediatly got up and bowed to the Beastmaster and went back to his seat.

Auryn: Well, that was largely ceremonial.

"Luna? Who is she... I'm sure I met her but I'm not sure." Mama-sama asked.

Tes: *as Mama* "I meet so many blonde women who wear tons of jewelry, high heels, short skirts, and drink and smoke compulsively... Sometimes I get them confused..."

"Well, this is Dark Lord, Beastmaster Zelas Metallium! The most secretive of the bunch!" Luna laughed and winked at her friend.

Cerulite: Does anyone else find this the least bit disturbing? *all raise hands* Thought so.

"Come on Luna! I'm not that secretive.... oops that's supposed to be a secret." Zelas and Luna laughed at the stupid joke they made.

CD: I agree. That joke was stupid. And since Zelas herself endorsed it as such, it is safe for us to believe it stupid as well.

Others: Ahhhhh...

Cerulite: What was so funny in the first place?

Matise: I have no clue.

"Beastmaster?" Mama and Papa-sama asked weakly.

"Ja Mama.

Auryn: *point**point* Look! Luna's speaking German! Maybe that means that Zelas does, too? Ja-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!

Here Zelas, lets sit down for awhile." Luna offered a chair to her friend.

"Nani nani nani?!!

Auryn: *disappointed* Oh, it's back to Japanese now. *pout*

Luna do you know how much trouble this lady has caused us?!

Cerulite: Actually, it's been Dynast causing all the trouble.

CD: Yeah! Don't blaspheme by blaming Zelas for stuff she didn't do!

How could she be your best-friend?! Anyway your the Knight of Cephied!" Lina exclaimed.

"Well, see The reason 'this lady' caused you so much trouble is becuase I asked her too.

All: *stare**silence**stare*

Matise: On top of everything else...

Cerulite: *cries* I am a broken man...

CD: *compulsively drinking tea* There, there... *offers him his soup* There are only 5 more chapters left!

Cerulite: *sobbing increases*

I figured you'd need some entertainment in your life. So she ordered Xellos to kill you all

Tes: Which he never so much as gave a second thought to, thank you very much.

Auryn: I feel a Fireball is coming his way.

but we both knew Xellos couldn't do that becuse he likes you all." Luna said simply.

"Luna-san. That's cruel." Amelia said. Luna winced.

"And who says the knight of Cephied can't have friends?" Zelas asked them.

CD: Yeah! Zelas needs drinking buddies, too!

She put one finger up and winked like Xellos does.

"Beastmaster Zelas, What about Dynast? Lina is back. What will Dynast do next?" Filia asked.

Tes: Stop babbling Filia. You annoy Zelas with your babble.

"You'll going to become like a mazoku taking orders from Zelas." Xellos whispered to her.

Auryn: I don't see where he gets that. All, Mazoku and non-Mazoku alike, should bow before Zelas!

Filia sat politely but took her elbow and knocked Xellos in the eyes.

Matise: Like no one else noticed. Riiiiight.

Zelas looked at the two.

Cerulite: *as Zelas* "Hey! They're acting just like the Three Stooges! Check it out, Luna!"

'Ah I see. My lil Xellos is growing up, ne?'

CD: Apparently growing up into some kinda masochist...

she said to herself, then said aloud.

"Well he'll probably wanna get revenge on Lina for trickin' him like that." Zelas said.

Matise: Ohh, so that was him with the potty mouth before...

"Well how else was I supposed to find out some of his

Auryn: *as Lina* "...super yummy recipes for his awesome sugar cookies?"

weaknesses?" Lina asked.

"You could have asked me." Zelas said leaning back crossing her long legs.

"Like you would tell me! Well that's to late, ja ne?

CD: Ya know, I think I've just discovered a new disease that strikes certain fanfic authors. They seem to use 'ja ne', which means 'so long', or 'ja' in place of 'ne', which means 'really' or 'right'....

Auryn: *devastated* So you mean Luna really doesn't know how to speak German?

CD: *shakes head sadly* No, I think the disease is really killing this writer off.

So I'll just have to defeat him." Lina said tossing her red hair over her shoulder. Zelas sighed and whispered to Luna.

"She surely acts like you." Luna glared at her friend.

Tes: *as Luna* "Dem's fightin' words!"

Papa looked at Luna... then Xellos.

"They look very much alike..... Maybe.....

Auryn: *as Papa* "GEEZ, Xellos gets around!" *all but Matise fall into the FLOOR laughing*

Matise: *sigh*

Oh no! Of course not! What am I thinking?" He thought to himself. Amelia stood on the table and pointed her finger to the air.

Cerulite: My, that was random...

Zelgadis sighed and tried to stop her but she went on.

"Dynast watch out! Justice will win! We will defeat you like we did the rest! In the name of justice, your toast!"

Matise: In the name of justice, she's bringing him his toast?

Tes: *pats Matise's shoulders* I think she just used the wrong form of 'you're', darling.

She called to Dynast.

CD: ...who wasn't there.

"Well done Amelia!

Auryn: *as Lina, rubs hands together* "That's exactly what I want... Well done Amelia... *homicidal laughter*"

Hey waiter! 2 more side orders!" Lina clapped to Amelia then called the waiter.


"Well we better get going." Mama-sama told Lina and the others when they were at the end of the towm.

Matise: I love seeing all these new ways to spell words...

"Alright Mama." Lina leaned over and hugged her mom. Then turned to her father.

"Bye Papa."

Tes: *as Lina* "You lousy, stinking, rotten, good-for-nothing, lying Mazoku!"

She hugged him, too.

"See ya sis." She said to her sister.

"Hey don't I get a hug too?"

Auryn: *as Lina* "Uh, no."

CD: Ahhh, reminds me of me and my little sister... *sigh* *others scoot away from her*

Luna teased her sister. Lina cringed but hugged her sister.

"Wow no tricks, eh?" She asked her.

Cerulite: Now, Lina, is it her fault you put on a peep show of Luna in the shower to make money and she got understandably angry with you?

Matise: No, I think not.

Luna looked hurt but smiled.

"Now Lina! Would I trick you?!" She asked in feigned surprise.

"Yes." Lina said flatly.

"Take car_ of Lina." Papa-sama told Gourry.

Auryn: Shouldn't he be asking someone else to take care of Gourry and keep Lina from beating him to death?

CD: I think so, yup.

"Hai!" Gourry nodded. Amelia and Filia waved and said politley.

"Bye Mama and Papa-sama. Nice seeing you again."

Tes: *as Filia and Amelia* "Please come visit us at the brothel we're starting! We give discounts to ex-chimeras and Mazoku!"

All but Matise: *FLOOR*

Matise: *sigh*

Mama-sama smiled and told the bye. Papa just nodded. Xellos and Zelgadis gave them a little wave, and Zangulus and Martina said bye.

"Mind if I stick with you a while Luna?" Zelas asked.

Cerulite: *as Zelas, cutesy* "You can keep that mean ol' Dynast away from me! He scares me!"

CD: Zelas does not need Luna to protect her! She is a self-sufficient Dark Lord!

Others: Here, here!

"Sure why not?" Luna and Zelas walked ahead of Mama and Papa-sama.

"Well guys... were off to defeat Dynast!" Lina exclaimed.

Auryn: *as Mama, Papa, Luna, and Zelas* "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Lina-san er uh I mean Lina, just why are we off to defeat Dynast?" Zelgadis asked.

Matise: Even the characters are unaware of what's happening in this story...

Tes: Except for Gourry... and he's TOO aware...

"He sent his goons after us! so we go and see what he wants. If it's something stupid like 'lets take over the world!'

Cerulite: I think we've already established that he wants you for just that purpose, Lina.

CD: *groan* Several times... painfully...

or 'join the mazkou put your application in now!'...."

Cerulite: And I think that's definitely part of it...

Lina glared at Xellos who smiled.

"Then we say no way! Dragon Slave and kaboom he's gone."

Matise: *as Lina* "And Gaav and Phibrizzo were just that easy to defeat, too!"

Auryn: Deus ex Machina... Again....

Lina said and clapped her hands for efect.

"But Lina... he won't go down on a dragon slave." Gourry said thoughtfully.

Tes: Gourry once again proves to be the brains of the group...

Auryn: I thought you were supposed to be taking up for him?

Tes: I AM.

"I know that! It was just a figure of speech." She said hitting him on the head.

CD: Well, it was a weird figure of speech...

"Figure of speech.....?" A thought cloud popped up and Gourry saw a lady's figure with an arrow pointing to her that said 'Speech'

All: *chanting* Speech! Speech! Speech!

"Not that, baka!" Lina yelled. Everyone sweatdropped.

Cerulite: I fear Lina now...

CD: As all good folk should...


Amelia laid in the dark room thinking. In the bed next to her Filia snored softly.

Auryn: *whew* Well, at least there are no guys in the room this time...

'Why am I friends with Lina?' She asked herself.

Tes: Hell, that's something I've always wondered myself? But please don't elaborate on it, as it would increase the time until this story comes to its close.

'I'm supposed to be the princess of Seyruun and I hang with a dragon destroying half mazoku who would eat half the world!

Cerulite: *as Amelia* "And I sleep with a whiney, coffee guzzling ex-chimera..."

Matise: Hey, there's nothing wrong with coffee...

Well I guess friendship is like that. Lina-san is a true friend.

Auryn: *as Amelia* "Except for when she's brainwashed. Or pissed off. Or hungry... or... Damn, I guess she ISN'T a true friend!"

I guess that's a good thing, ne?' She thought. She rolled to her side.

'Then there is Zelgadiss-san. How could I just given myself like that.

Auryn: You're cheap.

CD: You're easy.

Tes: You were drunk.

Matise: Why am I glad I missed that?

And I don't even remeber it! Hopefully we can still be friends. I mean, we talk but not like we used to.

Cerulite: And she's just now thinking about it? 12 chapters later? These people belong on Springer...

Maybe I'll talk to him later about it.' She rolled on her stomach, placed her head in the center of the pillow, closed her eyes and went to sleep.

CD: And the world was a much better place for the next eight hours.

Dynasty Grausherra
All: Boooooo! Hisssss! Booooo!

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Luna Inverse
Cerulite: Whoa, that name's new!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Tes: What, you actually pay attention to this stuff?

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Cerulite: It's all I can do to take my mind off the Evangelion-style brain abuse I've undergone in the last few chapters....

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Auryn: *wrinkles nose* I-I-I-I don't think I'd put this with Evangelion... It's... not angsty enough...

Zangulus and Martina
Mama and Papa-sama (I don't have their real names so I call them this. They are Lina's mom and Dad)
CD: Yeah! This needs more blood! And guts! And violence! These cheap Lucasfilm lightshows aren't enough for my tastes!

(All the characters above werenot my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Tes: Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ay too much time around Haunter.

Matise: I'll say.

Slayers Return Again 15

"We must be getting close to Dynast. It's getting cold."

Cerulite: Well, it tends to do that when you get close to the North Pole...

Filia said, shivering. Xellos looked over at her and offered her his cape.

Auryn: *as Filia* "I don't want your awful namagomi cape!"

CD: If Haunter-sama were in here, he'd be lecturing us that it's not a cape, it's a cloak.

Matise: He and Kane should talk about that... maybe start "Capes Anonymous" or something...

"Thanks Xellos." She whispered to him. She wrapped the cape

CD: ....cloak....

around her. Xellos scent was all in the cape.

CD: ....cloak....

She breathed it in but not noticably.

"I'm not cold." Martina annouced.

Tes: Well, bully for you, boy scout.

"Neither am I... Are you guys?" Amelia asked the rest.

CD: *as Amelia* "I've got Zelgadis to keep me warm! Tee hee!"

Everyone shook their heads.

Cerulite: It seems as if the Gods are only against Filia today, then, huh?

Auryn: Just like any other day, it seems.

"Seems like your the only one, Filia." Zelgadis said.

"Hmm I wonder why." Filia put her finger to her cheek thoughtfully.

Matise: Don't strain yourself, there, priestess...

"Lina... where are we?" She asked. Lina opened their map, sat down

Tes: Uh, where are they again?

and spread it out. She ran her finger over the map.

Auryn: It was in braille.

"We... are... right.... her." She pointed a blue dot on the map.

CD: *as narrator* "...which conveniently had an arrow pointing to it that said "You are here"..."

We are near Makiko." She closed the map.

"Hmm I've heard that before... Makiko.... Makiko.

Cerulite: *as Filia* "We've suddenly been transported to Japan!"

Oh yeah that temple my mother told me about when I was younger!" Filia exclaimed smacking the palm of her hand with her fist.

Tes: *as Filia* "Oww! Why the hell did I do that?"

"Nani?" Lina asked.

There is a temple in Makiko that wards of dragons. You could fall dead with a evil sickness.

Matise: So does that mean they'll all die and this fanfic will end and we can go?

Tes: Nope, sorry. It just doesn't work. Believe me, I've tried it.

They say the dragons came and tried to destroy the city

CD: There were probably some Ancient dragons there...

Cerulite: ...or Mazoku...

Auryn: ...or someone else who pissed the 'holy' dragons off.

and the temple destroyed most of the dragons. Mother told me that what really happened was the dragons needed a place to stay and the people were scared

Matise: Typical Golden Dragons... deferring blame for their misdeeds...

Tes: Hell, I'd be scared if a bunch of dragons landed in my town and wanted to stay there, too!

and prayed the temple up and destroyed the dragons.

Auryn: Well, that wasn't very hospitable.

The temple was based on white magic but became evil." Filia told the others.

Cerulite: Is that possible?

CD: Hell if I know.

That must be that temple of Storm.... Arashi." Zelgadis commented.

"Yes that's it." Filia nodded.

Matise: What's with all the Japanese names all of a sudden?

"I know what your talking about. It was named after a girl, Makiko Chojii.

Tes: They're in Japan! Just look at her name! See?

She fell in love with a dragon. But her parents forbidded it. They built a temple

Auryn: Her parents sure were busy little beavers!

that would be activated if the town prayed for it. It was to keep dragons away.

CD: Extra strength dragon repellant!

Makiko ran off to be with her dragon friend but before going, Makiko put her own spell on the town.

Cerulite: The little witch...

If a dragon would stop by, he or she would be sparred if he or she held the hand of a loved one of the opposite sex.

Matise: My, isn't that con-veeeeen-ient?

Tes: Ranma-style romantic hijinks ensue.

Kind of wierd." Zelgadis ended his story.

Auryn: Weird, and completely not what Filia said at first....

"Wow. M-m-maybe we shouldn't go in the city." Martina said nervously.

CD: Why should she care? She's not a dragon.

"Nonsense.... if Filia just holds one of our hands then she'll be fine, ja ne?" Xellos said.

Tes: *as Xellos* "If Filia just sleeps with one of us, then she'll be fine!"

CD: There's that disease again. The Ja Ne disease. Matise, do you think you could do something about that?

Matise: I don't think even I can heal that one...

"True true.... Well what will it be Filia? A.) Gourry. B.) Zangulus C.) Zelgadis or D.) Xellos."

Cerulite: *as Filia* "Oh, a multiple choice test! Those are easy!"

Lina lined the boys up and was showing them off like a show host.

Auryn: They didn't even have game show hosts back then...

"Er... ah..." Filia started.

Tes: Hell, I don't blame her for being uncertain. That's not the best selection in the world....

"Well you can't have Gourry... or Zangulus....

Matise: Well, that narrows it down.

And Xellos is fine and Zelgadis is fine..... Oh wait, Zelgadis needs both his hands to perform magic so Xellos it is.

CD: *as Amelia* "Oh, and what magic those hands can perform!"

Matise: And isn't that convenient...

Hurray! We have a winner!" Lina exclaimed. Amelia, Martina and Lina all went chibi

Cerulite: I think it's properly referred to as "super-deformed"..?

and threw flowers on Xellos and Filia. Filia and Xellos sweatdropped.

"Er ah Lina." Xellos started.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "All these positive emotions! ACK!"

"Nani? YOUR NOT SATISFIED WITH MY SELECTION?!!!" Lina's body went back to the right size but her head went super big

Tes: First she's telepathic, now this? Geez...

as she yelled at Xellos. Xellos waved his hands in front of his face.

"No no no.! It's fine I love it see?" He grabbed Filia's hand and and raised it.

Cerulite: Oh, come on. He's already slept with her! He can't complain about not liking her now!

Lina went back to normal. "Good." She said. Filia and Xellos stuck their tounges

Tes: *as narrator* "...into each others ears."

Matise: Oh, geez! Come on, Tes!

Tes: Teehee!

out behind Lina's back.

"Well lets go!" Lina shouted.

"Food!" Zangulus yelled.

CD: Since when does Zangulus care about food?

"And Sleep!" Zelgadis said.

Auryn: *as Zelgadis* "With Amelia!"

They all ran off with Filia and Xellos dragging along.

"Hai we love it." They said unethusiastically.

Matise: I don't think they're the only ones unenthusiastic about this...


"Four rooms please." Martina told the attendant at the desk.

Auryn: Oh no... not again...

Cerulite: Why do I have a sudden queasy, sinking feeling?

She handed the attendent the money and he handed her the keys. Which she in turn handed one to Gourry, Xellos and Zelgadis.

CD: *si-i-i-i-i-i-i-igh* Not this again...

"Have a good night sleep everyone." She and Zangulus waved befor entering their room.

Tes: Yeah, right. Like anyone's gonna be sleeping.

Matise: Why do I have the feeling I don't want to see this?

"Night night." Gourry said. Lina just yawned and walked in their room.

Matise: Well, at least those two are married....

"Well we'll see you in the morning." Xellos said.

"Ja." Filia said

CD: Disease.

after him following him in their room. Zelgadis looked at Amelia. Amelia looked at Zelgadis.

Auryn: Intense looking action!

They both looked in the room

Auryn: More intense looking action!

and noticed one bed.

Cerulite: *cries* Why us?

"Why does Lina-san do this?" Amelia muttered to herself.

Tes: I don't know, this is the third time she's done it! Why do you keep falling for it?

Zelgadis opened the door grouchly. They went their seperate ways, Zelgadis to the bathroom and Amelia still in the room.

CD: *as Zelgadis* "Same old, same old...."

Amelia quickly got ready for bed and slid under the covers. Zelgadis soon followed and shut off the light.

Matise: From the bed? He must have the Clapper!

As soon as he got in the bed Amelia scooted over so she wouldn't be close to him.

Auryn: I wouldn't wanna be close to him, either. He looks dumb as a human...

"Amelia." Zelgadis said in the dark. Amelia stiffened.

Tes: Rigor Mortis had set in. Or could we be that lucky?

"Y-y-yesss Zelgadiss....-san?"

Cerulite: *as Zelgadis* "D-d-d-d-d-don't you thin-n-n-n-nk this v-v-v-v-ibrating b-b-bed-d-d is nic-c-c-ce?"

She stuttered. He was annoyed that she was stuttering.

CD: Hell, I'm annoyed she's still breathing!

'She usually isn't like that. Maybe it's becuase we were around other people.'

Auryn: Around other people for what? What's he talking about?

He said to himself. Then said aloud.

"Do you hate me... Amelia.?" He asked. Amelia looked at the ceiling,

Matise: ...in the dark....

then turned on her side and faced Zelgadis.

"No. I don't hate you." She said shortly. Zelgadis let out a sigh.

Cerulite: I don't think that's any reason to be relieved...

"Then how come your treating me like this? You ignore me when I try to talk to you.

CD: I've not noticed it... hey, have any of you noticed that?

Others: *shake heads* No...

Everytime I try to talk to you, you snub me You act like some stuck up princess!"

Matise: News flash, Zelgadis: That's exactly what she is.

Zelgadis burst out. Amelia was shocked.

Auryn: Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z! *various shocking noises*

"Now you know how I feel." She said with a short laugh.

CD: She thinks he's a stuck up princess?

This time Zelgadis was shocked.

Auryn: Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z! *various other shocking noises*

He flipped over

Tes: ...like a gymnast!

and faced a angry/fear faced Amelia.

"What's that suposed to mean?" He asked narrowing his eyes.

Cerulite: *as Zelgadis* "Look, just because of that thing with Miwan, you can't believe..."

"Rememeber are last battle? With the Dark Star? You ignored me then.

Matise: I don't think that was their last battle... What about with Lynasty back there?

CD: He didn't ignore her! He was too busy trying to dodge her badly aimed attacks with the Battleaxe of Light!

The battle with Hellmaster Phibrizzo,

Auryn: *snicker* He didn't ignore her then, either....

Tes: Matter of fact, he got pretty pissed when Phibby waxed her...

The battle with Copii Rezo...

CD: ...Kopii Rezo... Or Copy Rezo... but not both at the same time!

your ignored me then. You didn't ignore me as much with the first two battles.

Matise: Actually, he didn't notice her at all during the Kopii Rezo battle... and they didn't like each other back then, either...

The only time you paid attention was when I was in danger.

Cerulite: ...Or dead...

I was 'Amelia, the superhero freaked out little girl'."

Tes: You still are.

Auryn: Is this fight going anywhere at all?

She said narrowing her eyes too. Zelgadis didn't have anything to say.

CD: *as narrator* "He was too shocked that Amelia had finally gotten some gumption."

"Well you bugged me." He said after a while. Amelia seethed

Auryn: *singing* "Can't fight the seether! Can't fight the seether!"

then raised her hand and slapped the side of his face.... hard.

"What was that for?!" Zelgadis asked her angrily grabbing her wrist.

CD: *chanting* Break it! Break it!

"That was for you... you jerk."

Matise: *as Amelia* "Merry Christmas!"

Amelia said squirming to get her hands back.

"All you care about is yourself.

Cerulite: *as Zelgadis* "But if I don't, then who will?"

About how Rezo turned you into a chimera.

Tes: *as Zelgadis* "Damn you, Rezoooo!"

And then I get a cure for you you say thankyou but even while you were in Seyruun you didn't talk to me!"

Matise: Wow, that last sentence...

Auryn: She must be REALLY pissed.

Amelia said on the verge of shouting.

CD: *as other guests* "Keep it down, will ya!"

Tes: *as other guests* "We're tryin' to get some sleep!"

"Why should I talk to you? I told I don't want your friendship before, but that doesn't mean you have to go all bitchy on me."

Cerulite: Does he realize how much of an ass he just sounded like?

CD: I highly doubt it.

Zelgadis said.

"Get your hands off me." Amelia gritted her teeth and waited.

Auryn: *as Zelgadis* "Fine, I didn't want your lousy old hands, anyway!"

Tes: *as Amelia* "Fine!"

Auryn: *as Zelgadis* "Fine!"

Tes: *as Amelia* "Fine!"

He let go of her hands and they both turned over in the bed not facing the other.


Cerulite: *points* I guess it was a water bed.

Meanwhile...... "Goodness I'm tired!" Filia said rasing her's and Xellos's hand above her head.

"Ja ne! Me too."

Tes: WHY does that remind me of Love Ribbons?

All: *groan*

CD: Gods, this almost makes me miss Rocketshipping. Almost. Oh, and disease.

Xellos exclaimed. "Well you go ahead and head to the bathroom. I'll get dressed out here."

Auryn: *melodramatic* But you'll have to let go of her hand, and she'll die, and what about the Love Ribbon?

Matise: *gagging* But remember! Love Ribbons are magical and can stretch the distance between those in a couple!

Filia said about to let go off Xellos's hand. She tried but it wouldn't work.

Cerulite: Shampoo screwed their Love Ribbon up so that they were actually tied together holding hands...

"Oh yeah I forgot." Lina made them take off their gloves and she put super glue on their hands

Tes: How could you forget something like that?

"So Filia will be safe." Lina had said.

CD: Sure, tying her to a Mazoku who's killed thousands of her kind is *safe*.

"Oh damn. Well Xellos don't look." Filia said.

All: *blink**blink* Filia SWORE!?!

"It wouldn't make a difference. It's not like you have anything I haven't seen on you."

Cerulite: I think he's trying to say, "It's nothing I haven't seen before," but he does make a valid point.

Filia blushed. She unzipped the side of her sleeve. and slipped out of her dress.

Tes: I fail to see how that's going to get her out of anything but her sleeve.

Xellos looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

Tes: *as narrator* "Irritated with her sleeve zipper, he finally just tore her clothes off of her."

Matise: As dirty a thought as that is, I think it's kinda valid here.

Tes: Hah!

'She is even more beautiful.' He thought to himself.

CD: *as Xellos* "...then the last three times I banged her..."

He slipped off his pants and put on some shorts and took off his shirt.

"Done." They both said at the same time. They looked over at each other. Filia was in a semi-long shirt that reached her knees.

"Are you wearing that to bed?" Xellos asked swallowing visibly.

Matise: *as Xellos* "It shows so much... ankle! *gulp*"

"Yes is something wrong with it?" Filia asked frowning.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "Yes, as a matter of fact! It should be tight leather lingerie, with spikes and metal buckles!"

"No no it's fine." They walked over to the bed and climbed under the covers.

Tes: Baow Chika Baow Waow! Chika Baow Waow!

"Er... Xellos?" Filia asked a moment later.

CD: *as Xellos* "Have you come to clean my pool?" Baow Chika Baow Waow! Chika Baow Waow!

"Hmmm?" Xellos asked semi-sleep. "Your hogging the blankets."

Matise: Now that wasn't that bad! I really don't see what you guys were complaining about before...

Cerulite: But... but... There WERE gratuitous sex scenes before! Really!

Auryn: Geez, now you're starting to sound like Amelia with her hallucinated bugs!


Lina yawned and buried her face in the blond haired guy in front of her. The sun poured into the room where they slept.

"Uh...hmmmm." Gourry said still sleep.

Cerulite: I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep again after this fanfic...

"Gourry.... Gourry... time to get up." Lina called softly. She leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips. then got out of the bed.

"I'm up." Gourry said sitting up.

Tes: *starts to say something, but is cut off by Matise*

Matise: No, Tes.

Tes: Awww! I never get to have any fun! *pout*

"Good then you can help me scrub my back." Lina said.

Auryn: Huh? I thought they were in bed, not the tub!

"Only if you will help me with mine." Gourry said getting out of the bed.

CD and Tes: Baow Chika Baow Waow!

He walked over to the small redheaded girl.

Cerulite: She's only a girl!? Isn't that a little... illegal?!

Matise: I guess it wasn't back in those days...

"Of course." she giggled and kissed him again.

Auryn: *bored* The thrilling end of another thrilling chapter...

Dynast Grausherra
Lina Inverse Gabriev
All: *gape*

CD: *angry* WHERE is Zelas!?!

Tes: She's getting gypped here! This sucks!

Gourry Gabriev
Zelgadis Greywers
Auryn: Dammit, don't tell me they sent Zelas back to the end of the list! No fair!

Amelia Seyrunn
Filia Ul Copt
Cerulite: Freakin' Dynast wasn't even in this chapter, but he gets put up there! But Zelas gets cut out!? No freakin' way!

Xelloss Metallium
Zangulus and Martina
Matise: Well, that's great, just great! No Zelas at all!

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Slayers Return Again 16

"Are we ever going to get to the north pole? We've been traveling for ten days now!" Martina complained.

CD: *scoff* It's gonna take you a helluva lot longer than that to get there.

"Chill out, Martina. we'll be there in about three days." Lina said.

Matise: That's all!? Three more days!? To get to the North pole? Walking? Where were they, Finland?

"Three more days?!" Martina and Amelia exclaimed.

Auryn: *as Martina and Amelia* "Three more days of doing big restaurant scenes and having massive orgies? Yay!"

"Can't take three more days, huh?" Zelgadis asked Martina and Amelia. He stared pointedly at Amelia. Amelia glared back.

Cerulite: *as narrator* "Zelgadis looked at the ground. Amelia glared at a tree. Zelgadis stared at Amelia. Amelia stared back at him."

"Of course we can take three more days. Just we've been traveling for so long." Amelia said in supeiror voice.

"That's not what it seems." Zelgadis said grouchly.

Tes: Spat.

Matise: Lovers' quarrel.

"Who asked you?" Amelia asked. Zelgadis was about to reply when:

CD: *as narrator* "The Lord of Nightmares, sick of listening to them all, descended upon the group as a vengeful spirit intent upon smiting the non-believers. Everyone died and the world ended. The End."


CD: Why'd I even bother?

Tes: I've already tried, I told you!

Here we are traveling and you decided to argue?!

Auryn: Why not? It's what they're good at.

You've been acting like this for days!" Lina yelled.

Cerulite: Funny, I've not seen it...

"Hai! Lina!" Zelgadiss and Amelia said. The cold wind nipped

Tes: Is it a bit nipply in here, or is it just me?

at everyones faces and made everyone sort of in a bad mood. Above a dark haired young man watched them.

Matise: *as Lina, ala Sailor Moon* "Tuxedo Mask! You came!"

He laughed to him self his white cape blowing in the wind.

Auryn: *hopeful* Kall Su?

Tes: *twitch* Kall Su has white hair, Auryn...

CD: Besides, you couldn't get that lucky.

"Soon Lina Inverse. I'll get you." He laughed again, unheard by the group.

Cerulite: They're deaf from all Lina's yelling.


"Ok we can take a quick break. We'll meet back her in two hours. Got it?" Lina said when they reached the next town.

"Hai." Everyone parted. Gourry and Lina went to get some food. Martina and Zangulus went to shop. Xellos and Filia went

Cerulite: *as narrator* "...to destroy the town with their fighting..."

Auryn: *as narrator* "...to argue in front of an audience..."

Tes: *as narrator* "...to find a No-tell Motel to make out in..."

Matise: *sigh*

Tes: What!? It's expected of me to make these kinda jokes!

for ice cream. Amelia and Zelgadis went to take a walk.... In the different directions

CD: Thank L-sama...

"Hm so many choices." Filia said looking at the list of ice creams.

Auryn: *as Filia* "Ohh, let's see... vanilla, vanilla, and vanilla! Oh, look at this! I found one for you, Xellos! Strychnine flavored ice cream!"

"Pick anything you want. My treat." Xellos said.

Cerulite: *stifling laughter* Did he just call her 'his treat'?

"Really?" Filia asked.... then narrowed her eyes.

"What's the catch?" She asked.

Matise: *as Xellos* "Well, I expect you to pay me back."

Tes: *as Xellos* "It doesn't have to be with money...*wink**wink*"

Matise: That's not what I meant! Ack! I feel dirty now!

"Nothing! My treat. I'm just trying to be nice." Xellos said sweatdropping.

"Ok... Hm lets see. I'll take a vanilla cone with strawberries.

Auryn: Told ya! Vanilla!

CD: She's gonna eat a cone with strawberries on it? Won't they fall off?

Cerulite: White, hearty, white ice cream for white, white people...

Double scoop." Filia told the lady at the stand.

"Yeah I'll have what she said." Xellos said.

"That'll be 100 yen."

All: *stare*

Matise: YEN!? In Medieval Europe?

CD: And two icey creams would sure as hell be a lot more than 100 yen...

The lady told them, getting their ice cream. Xellos paid for the Ice cream and he and Filia were happy on their way,

Auryn: *singing* So happy-y-y-y-y-y together!

licking their ice cream.


"Oh what a pretty necklace!!" Martina exclaimed. Zangulus smiled at Martina as she gushed over the dress.

Cerulite: What dress? She was looking at a necklace!

"Get it. it's yours." Zangulus told her.

Tes: *as Zangulus* "You're paying for it, after all... Or did you forget I'm only a poor bounty hunter?"

"Oh really?! Your the best!" She got on her tiptoes and kissed her husband on the lips. Zangulus's smile grew bigger, returned the kiss and paid for the necklace. "

Auryn: So it was a necklace after all!

Want me to put it on you?" He asked her. Martina nodded. He fiddled with the clasp until it was on her.

"Oh thank you Zangulus!

Matise: *as Zangulus* "Think nothing of it! Although your father will when he sees the bill..."

Your so sweet!" She hugged him.

"Anything for my Martini." He said teasing her.

CD: *as James Bond* "Shaken, not stirred..."


"I'm so bored.... Lina-san probably having the time of her life eating. While Martina-san is probably buying something. Filia-san proabbly is licking her ice cream happily

Matise: How does she know that?

Tes: Sometimes, I swear, these people have to have crystal balls or something... either that or they're precogs...

CD: *as Celcia/Elizabeth, the Fortune Telling Dog* "I see a naked Elf in your future! Yes, and she has a spell fragment tattooed on her body! Kreh! Kreh! Kreh!"

and here I am by myself.

Auryn: Hell, no wonder. I wouldn't wanna hang around her whiney ass.

Zelgadis-san is probably walking around town like the grouch that is he is." Amelia said sitting by the waterfall.

Cerulite: What waterfall? And in the middle of town?

"What do you think your doing?"

Tes: *as Amelia* "Sitting by a damned waterfall? What do you think YOU'RE doing?"

A voice behind her said. Amelia gasped and looked behind the waterfall.

"Why are you following me?" Amelia accused Zelgadis.

CD: Hell, I'd wanna know why he was sitting behind a waterfall, myself. Wouldn't he get soaking wet?

"I'm not. I decided to sit at the waterfall. Anway I was here before you." Zelgadis snorted.

Matise: Now, now, children...

"Well la de da. You think your something great don't you."

Auryn: *as Zelgadis* "Well, yes. As a matter of fact, I do!"

Amelia said angrily.

"I know I'm much better then you." Zelgadis said.

"Bring it on."

CD: *as Zelgadis* "Dem's fightin' words!"

Amelia stood up and cupped her hands

Tes: *as narrator* "...and yelled to her mommy to tell on Zelgadis."

getting ready throw a spell.

"Whenever your ready, baby." Zelgadis growled

Auryn: *laughing* Zelgadis sounds like a 50's greaser!

standing up likewise.


Cerulite: AHH! Deaf now, thank you.

Amelia immediatley levetated to the air so no one around them would get hurt.

Matise: I don't think it's going to matter, as spells have an impact radius big enough to hit the ground even if they are flying...

Zelgadis followed her suit.

CD: *as narrator* "It was a stylish suit, nothing unlike what Anni Lenox would be seen wearing..."


Cerulite: First they assault my mind, now my ears...

Amelia shouted. A schokwave of lighting flew at zelgadis. He easily blocked it.

Auryn: *as narrator* "...with his arm."

Tes: *as Zelgadis* "Oww, son of a..."

"That's your best? SHADOW SNAP!!" He yelled. Amelia imediatly got caught and was stuck.

Matise: *as narrator* "...and went plummeting to her demise thirty feet below."

"FIREBALL!!! He threw a fireball toward her

"LIGHTING!!!" She called.

CD: That was a random spell....

She easily dodged the fireball.

Tes: Even though she was still stuck with a shadow sn-.... Oh, that's what the Lighting was for...

Cerulite: Well, they could've just said so...

"Oh you think your so great?" Amelia's levatation wore off and she jumped back down. Zelgadis followed her.

CD: I'm just waiting on them to both cast Ra Tilt at each other. That spell is the most useless spell in their arsenals.

Auryn: After casting the Ra Tilt, they'll BOTH be doomed to lose.

Amelia placed her hand to the ground


Matise: *as Amelia* "Marlon Brando!" Then a fat, mobster guy would come and crush Zelgadis for her...

The earth underneath Zelgadis blew him in the air.


Cerulite: *winces* I wish they'd quit all that yelling...

He yelled. His levatation wasn't that good but it got him safely to the ground. He smirked. "This isn't getting me no where."

CD: *as redneck Zelgadis* "Dawggawn it."

Amelia gasped as she realized what he was going to do.

Tes: *announcer voice* "He was going for a.... Friendship Fatality!"


"Lina stop stealing my food!" Gourry complained between bites.

"This is yours.... I was just eating mine." Lina said grabbing a chicken leg.

Auryn: *as Lina* "And now you must be punished for your insolence, Gourry."

There was a peice of sausage left on the plate. Lina and Gourry looked up and growled at each other.

Matise: Over a lousy piece of sausage? Boy, pickin's sure were slim that day, huh?

They readied their forks and knives to go in combat.

"Gourry why don't you ever let me have the last peice?" Lina argued. Gourry was about to reply when they heard a shout ring out.

CD: *singing ominously* "Ring around the Rosy... Pocket full of posies..."

Tes: No! No Rin Kobayashi references!

"A fight!!"

"Some girl and guy are fighting in the street!"

Auryn: *as street person* "Quick! Don King's promoting it!"

Lina grabbed the last piece and sausage and followed the crowd

Matise: It's never a good thing to just follow the crowd like that...

out to see what was going on. "

Source of all souls which dwells in the eternal and infinite."

CD: Yes! They ARE gonna Ra Tilt each other!

Cerulite: But a Ra Tilt won't have any effect on a human... it's astral magic...

CD: I know! They'll both look like idiots!

Zelgadis's was heard over the hushed crowd.

"Ever lasting flame of blue." They heard Amelia say.

"Let the power hidden in my soul." Zelgadiss gathered the Ra Tilt

Auryn: Ra Tilt... he's doomed to failure now...

in his hands.

"Be called forth from the infinite..." Amelia looked up. Lina rushed past the crowd to Zel and Amelia.

Tes: *as narrator* "....and got hit with both their Ra Tilts at the same time, thus ending the fanfic."


Matise: It didn't work. And now I'm deaf, too.

Tes: Yeah, but I had to try.

She yelled pushing them into the air. The Ra Tilt was immediatly canceled.

CD: And thank L-sama! They'd have both been doomed to failure!

Lina brought them both down to the ground.

Auryn: *as narrator* "...dropping them both on their heads for good measure..."

"Come with me." She said walking away. The crowd walked. Gourry sat down by the water fountain

Cerulite: *ahem* ...waterFALL...

to wait for Lina.

"What is with you two?!" Lina asked angrily.

Matise: Oh, other than them acting like two spoiled little brats? Nothing, nothing at all.

"Ask him." Amelia muttered.

"Why don't you ask bitchy superhero freak?" Zelgadis muttered back.

All: *in awe* Whoa!

Auryn: Wow, that was a little harsh, huh, Zel?

Tes: If I were Amelia, I think I'd have decked him by now.

"Wait, I'm bitchy?!" Amelia asked.

CD: Among other things...

"Well you finally realized it." Zelgadis said.


Cerulite: *clutching ears in pain* Oh my GODS! I'm deaf, completely deaf...

Matise: Wow, they sure curse a lot. *rubs ears out*

Amelia yelled at him.


CD: *humming* "...like a cancer grows..."

I want to know what is going on and I want to know now!" Lina growled. Amelia and Zelgadis clamped up.

"Alright, you don't want to act like mature aldults?

Auryn: I don't think *I* know how to act like a mature *aldult*....

Fine, Amelia why are you mad at Zel?" Lina said with gritted teeth.

Tes: She just said! Because he's a selfish, self-centered son of a bitch...

Matise: Oh, no, not you, too!

"Because he's so self centered, all he cares about is himself and he always has to ignore me." Amelia sniffed with her head in the air.

Cerulite: Well, I'd HOPE it'd be in the air, otherwise she would either be drowning or in extreme pain...

"Alright, Zelgadis why do you hate Amelia?" Lina said calmly turning to Zelgadis.

Auryn: *as Zelgadis* "Would you like the list in alphabetical order...?"

"Becuase she always has to jump on trees, tables etc and yell about how justice is going to win.

Matise: But is that REALLY any reason to hate her?

DO you know how annoying that is?"

CD: We do.

Zelgadis said turning away from Amelia.

"Ok I want you two to ask the other why they act like that. Maybe you'll understand."

Tes: God knows none of the rest of us do...

Lina said walking away. Zel and Amelia stood there in silence.

CD: *singing* "In the sound... Of Silence..."

"Amelia..." Zelgadis said, just as Amelia said "Zelgadis-san."

"Go ahead." Zelgadis told Amelia.

Cerulite: Oh, NOW he decides to go and be gentlemanly...

Auryn: *as Zelgadis, politely* "Here, Amelia, let me help you into the carriage, you bitchy superhero freak!"

"Zelgadis-san why do you always ignore me like that? You were always depressed and I just wanted to offer you friendship.

CD: *as Amelia* "And all you wanted to do was call me a bitchy superhero freak!"

Even now...." Amelia trailed off. Zelgadis thought for a moment.

Matise: *as narrator* "Amelia could tell he was thinking because of the smoke and noise of grinding metal coming from his head..."

"Amelia... I never meant to ignore you. I mean No I didn't want friendship. Rezo told me to never love anyone.

Tes: Rezo doesn't seem like the first source he should have listened to...

Because the one you love will always break your heart. I mean yes I do love you guys but....." Zelgadiss trailed off.

CD: What the hell is he talking about again? He just lost me.

"Yes I understand."

Matise: Heck, I'm glad someone does...

Amelia fiddled with her bracelet.

"What about you? How come your so...?"

Cerulite: ...loony...?

Auryn: ...insane...?

CD: ...bitchy...? *all others snicker*

Zelgadiss started.

"Such a justice freak?" Amelia said bluntly. Zelgadiss nodded.

"I wasn't at first. Me and my sister Gracia watched our mother's bloody death. I was a kid then and when Gracia ran away, I hated the world. All I had was my dad."

Matise: *as announcer* "Amelia's life story in four easy sentences!"

tears came to Amelia's eyes as she remebered.

"My dad wanted me to help him show the owrld justice. I used to tell him no, justice is stupid.

All: *blink**blink*

Mom would be here and so would Gracia if justice was real.

Matise: Well.... she does have a point...

Father would get frustrated. I used to lock my door with a spell I learned and he didn't know it and neither did anyone else.

Tes: Smart kid...

It was a black magic spell." Amelia laughed a little.

"Then when I got older I started thinking about how bad guys and evil people would be stopped and people wouldn't have to go thru that if there was justice.

Auryn: *as Amelia* "So now I stalk the night, striking fear into the hearts of evil doers everywhere as Batman!"

I thought If I could help Father show the world justice then we could just save the world.

Cerulite: *as Amelia* "And it's just that simple!"

And that's how it started. Ever since then I didn't give up on justice." Amelia ended. They both fell into to silence.

CD: *singing* "Into the sound... of silence..."

Tes: Okay, okay, enough Simon & Garfunkle!

"Amelia would you forgive me?" Zelgadis said haltingly after awhile.

Auryn: *as Amelia* "For being such an ass?"

Matise: *as Zelgadis* "No, actually, I stole all your traveling money and used it to buy crack."

"Under one condition..." Amelia said. Zelgadis stiffened

Tes: *snickering*

and got defensive.

"Only if you forgive me too?" Amelia turned and smiled at him.

"Ja." Zel said smiling back.

CD: Disease.

Amelia giggled and threw her arms around Zelgadis in a hug. He was surprised but returned the hug akwardly.

All: Awwwww...

"Well I guess you two made up. Care to tell me why you two were mad at each other?"

Cerulite: *as Zelgadis* "Well, no, not really."

A voice said from behind them. Amelia and Zelgadis stepped away from each other.

Auryn: *as New York City cop* "Move along, folks, nothin' to see here! Nothin' to see!"

"I guess that's a no. Well come on. Time to go. And no more Ra tilts!"

Tes: *as Lina* "You'll only embarrass yourselves."

She said. Zelgadis and Amelia blushed.

"Sorry about that fight earlier." Amelia said.

"Yeah me too. They walked off to join Lina and the others.

Matise: Did he just say they walked off to join Lina?


Lina and her group camped outside that night in the forest. Not knowing what laid ahead......

Matise: *ahem* "...what LAY ahead..."

Auryn: *weeping* Finally! This chapter's over! How many more are left?

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Tes: Three? Two?

CD: HEY! Where the hell is Zelas!?

Others: *grumble**grumble*

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Filia Ul Copt
Cerulite: It's almost over? Seriously? *weep* I'm so glad!

Xelloss Metallium
Zangulus and Martina Xoana
CD: *laughing* So... Zangulus... Took Martina's name!? *laughing*

Auryn: Hey, it worked for Gendo Ikari...

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Sl ayers Return Again 17

Matise: What's a 'Sl ayer'? Is this a different fanfic?

Tes: We couldn't get that lucky...

"We should reach the North pole by noon." Zangulus said looking at the map.

"Good. We can buy some heavy weather clothes."

Cerulite: *ahem* Shouldn't they have bought heavy weather clothes BEFORE they were within at least twelve hours walking distance of the North Pole?

Auryn: Cerulite, you're heading for an aneurism.

Lina said shivering. She and Gourry were walking cuddle together so they could keep warm Zangulus and Martina likewise.

CD: *retch* Do we REALLY need to see that? I mean, who really wants to see Martina and Zangulus cuddle?

"Can't we stop to build a fire?" Filia's teeth were chattering.

Tes: *as Filia* "Or we could just generate a little... 'body heat'... Tee hee!"

Auryn, CD, and Cerulite: *cheering* Blanket Scenario, Blanket Scenario, Blanket Scenario!

"We just did." Lina said shortly. "Can't we again?" Martina asked.

All but Matise: *snicker*

Matise: *sigh*


Cerulite: *cleaning ears out with fingers* Can't she see I'm trying not to think about her loud, obnoxious voice?

Lina yelled. Everyone fell in silence.

CD: *as narrator* "Silence was deep and sticky, and it looked like they'd never get out of it!"

"What time is it?" Amelia asked.

"About 10." Zelgadis told her.

Cerulite: *fuming* Okay, so they're TWO hours from the North Pole and are just now deciding to get cold weather clothing!?

Auryn: Aneurism...

Everyone fell quiet again.

"Well lets go over those spells again. Martina. Let me see you through a fireball." Lina said.

Matise: Wonder if this'll look anything like Sylphiel's fireballs?

"Alright. FIREBALL!!!!" Martina yelled. It wasn't quite as the regular fireball

Tes: So fireballs are regularly quiet?

CD: I don't think that's quite what they meant, Tes...

but it did a little damage.

Cerulite: *ahem* But if this were D&D, she'd probably have singed everyone with the blast radius on it...

*rolls percentile dice* Oh, look, she failed. *cackle*

"Good. Do you know the chant?" Lina said teacherly like.

"Yes. Source of all power, Light which burns beyond crimson, Let thy power gather in my hand." Martina sighed.

Auryn: I think I missed something... aren't you supposed to do the chant BEFORE you cast the spell?

"Great." Lina ran ahead of everyone, then turned around.

"FREEZE ARROW!" She yelled.

Tes: *points* Hey, Lina's doing a Vrummigun impersonation!

All: *cheer*

Martina was caught off gaurd but caught on.


Matise: Unfortunately for Martina, it's only about as effective as Sylphiel's Flare Carrot...

Auryn: I guess that's because she's trying to draw arcane power from a god she made up herself...

CD: I really don't think the Zoalmagustar Slave is going to help them any...

She yelled. the two spells canceled each other out.

"Good." Lina walked back to the group.

"You've been studying your magic Amelia?" She asked turning to Amelia.

Tes: *as Amelia* "Actually, I've been studying the Kama Sutra. What makes you ask?"

"Yes." Amelia sighed. Lina has been making everyone study extra magic lately

Cerulite: *snicker* Metallia knows Lina's the responsible one out of the group.

so they could be more skilled. But Amelia and Filia refused to learn black magic.

Auryn: *scoff* Oh, come now, surely Xellos has taught her SOMEthing!

So it still left Lina being the only one knowing black magic. Well except for Xellos.

"You've been practing with your swords?" Lina asked the two other guys.

Tes: *hopeful* Gourry yaoi?

Matise: Oh, God... This isn't THAT kinda fic, is it?

They nodded.

"Great so that means everyone is ready. I'll try to use mostly black magic.

CD: Now, that's a real shocker there.

Since everyone else knows the wind and earth and fire shaminist magic. Filia and Amelia know the white magic.

Cerulite: Unfortunately for Amelia, her magic sucks next to Filia's.

and Amelia and Zelgadis know the spirit shamanist magic. We got and Filia and Xellos's ryozoku and mazoku magic.

Auryn: *ahem* Otherwise known as "WHITE magic", right? That Ryuzoku stuff?

Gourry and Zangulus's swords I think we'll do good."

Tes: If they can actually hit Dynast with them. *cackles evilly*

Lina commented praising the Slayers. Everyone cheered up a bit and got in to mood of fighting Dynasty.

"Aaaahh Lina? What if you don't have to fight Dynast?" Xellos asked.

Matise: Finally, someone has something slightly resembling common sense.

"Well then we just learned some extra magic spells? Eh'hehhehheh" Lina said. Everyone fell in silence

CD: I wasn't aware they'd crawled out of the icky silence yet at all...

till they got to the north pole.


Cerulite: Look, it's the penguins, drifting away on ice floes with the last remaining chunks of my sanity in their grasp...

Auryn: *as penguins* "Don't interrupt our floating!"

"Alright! We made it!" Lina exclaimed.

"Now lets go look for something warmer."

Tes: *flatly* They're at the fraggin' North Pole and it just NOW occurred to them to look for something warmer to wear!?

Amelia said shivering against Zelgadis. Zelgadis put his arm around her so she wouldn't freeze to death.

"Sure come on." Lina said. They purchased their items

CD: The hell....

Matise: When did they get into a store?

and went to a boat dock.

Auryn: And why is there a boat dock at the North Pole?

"Hello. We need to go to the farthest end of the North Pole." Amelia told boat attendants.

"What?! Are you crazy! People that go there will never return!"

Cerulite: Mostly because they freeze to death, yes.

One of the men cried out.

"Why don't we just raywing it Lina?" Martina asked.

Auryn: *as Lina* "Because that would just be too damned simple, Martina."

Cerulite: Since when did Martina have any common sense?

"We are trying to use as less magic as possible." Lina told her, then turned back to the man.

"Ok here is a deal. Take us to the place and I promise you'll return safely."

Tes: *blandly* I gotta say, I don't believe her.

Lina said with a big smile.

"How will you predict that?" The man asked suspiciously.

CD: *as Celcia/Elizabeth, the Fortune Telling Dog* "With the awesome power of my crystal ball! Now, cross my palms with silver! Kreh! Kreh! Kreh!"

"Don't you know who am?" Lina asked taking of her hood. The man gasped.

"Hai! Hai! Ma'am I'll be ready in a minute!"

Matise: They speak Japanese at the North Pole?

The man scurried away to get a boat ready for them.

"Lina you didn't have to scare the man." Gourry accused.

Auryn: *snicker* Hell, I think that face would scare me, too!

"I didn't mean too! I was just showing him I could get him safe. I AM the beautiful sorceress genius." Lina said flipping her hair over her shoulders. Everybody sweatdropped.


Cerulite: *points* And there's all the sweat from their sweatdropping, flowing like a river...

"Can't you go any faster?" Lina asked.

Tes: *snicker*

"No there is no wind out. At this rate we should get there at midnight."

Matise: Well, that just moved their time tables back a bit...

The man yelled.


Cerulite: Owww, I'm deaf, totally deaf.

Auryn: It's not like it's awfully urgent for them to get there and beat the hell out of Dynast, anyway. Not like he wanted anything from Lina immediately anyway.

The man winced.

"Fine then." Lina stood up in the boat.

CD: *as narrator* "...causing it to capsize into the frozen northern sea, killing all passengers and thusly ending the fanfic. The End."


CD: *groan* Never mind...

She jumped high in the air.

"What is she about to do?" Martina asked.

Matise: Just a guess, but FLY, maybe?

"Don't ask me." Xellos answered.

"BOMB DI WIND!!!" A blast of wind came from Lina's hands pushing the boat faster. She ran into the wind which pushed her in the boat.

Auryn: Did anyone else understand that?

All: *shake their heads*

"Ah much faster." She said laughing. Everyone sweatdropped. They reached the end of the north pole

Tes: So now the North Pole has a beginning AND end...

by afternoon and it was even colder.

CD: As it tends to do when you get close to the North Pole...

"Thanks." Everyone called.

"BOMB DI WIND!!!!" Lina pushed the boat again for the man who smiled and waved.

Matise: Everyone just smile and nod... smile and nod...


"Their here, my Lord."

Auryn: *as Dynast* "They own a here?"

Cerulite: I think that's a different version of 'they're' again...

A blue haired girl before Dynast said bowing.

"Alright." Dynast crossed his black clad leg.

CD: Just the one?

"Anything you want us to do?" The blond haired guy on Sherra's right asked. Dynast thought for a moment.

Auryn: *as Dynast* "You could all hurl yourselves from bridges! That would please me very much."

"I want Grau and Decivio to go ahead out and 'greet' them. Sherra will stay with me."

Tes: *as Dynast* "And we will make mad, passionate, wild weasel Mazoku love!"

He said. Sherra beamed at the thought of her Lord choosing her to stay with him.

CD: *snicker* No wonder...

Cerulite: *as Dynast* "Shaggy, you and Scooby go search around by the boat dock, Daphne and I will stay here and search upstairs..."

"Yes, my Lord." The two men said. And teleported out of there.


"We are coming up against trouble." Zelgadis growled.

Matise: *as Zelgadis* "It's Team Rocket!"

Cerulite: *as James/Kojiro* "And make that double!"

"You sense it?" Lina asked quietly. Zelgadis nodded.

"Lets go." Xellos ran ahead with the others following him.

Tes: They should all follow Xellos anyway, in all situations.

"Get ready everyone." Lina commanded. Grau and Decivio teleported behind them.

CD: Pfeh, lotta good that did them.

The group immediatly turned around.

"Well look we have the Slayers.

Auryn: Have they ever been called that in the series?

Matise: I... don't think so...

You coming to defeat us?" Grau asked, taunting them.

"No." Lina said with a smirk.

Cerulite: *singing* "Brave, brave Sir Lina, bravely ran away! Bravely ran away, away, brave, brave Sir Lina!"

It surprised Grau and Decivio.

"We are coming to see what you want.

Tes: *as Grau and Decivio* "Yeah, right."

And why you want me. If it's something I don't want to do and you try to force me then...."

Matise: That just sounds so, so wrong...

CD: Are we suddenly watching "La Blue Girl"?

Lina made her hand like cutting her neck off.

'Ask her to join me.' Dynast told Grau thru his mind.

Auryn: I think they already know the answer to that one...

"Will you join us, Lina Inverse." He asked Lina.

"Hell no!

Cerulite: *singing* "Heavens no, Hells yeah!"

I wish you all will stop asking me that! Lina said.

Tes: Hell, so do we.

'Then kill her.' Dynast said.

"Prepare to die, Lina Inverse." Decivio smirked.

CD: * as Decivio, imitating Rin Kobayashi * "What is your preferred method of death?"

Decivio waved his hand making mist appear, he laughed and ran up to Amelia.

"Haaaah!" He yelled

Matise: * as Decivio* "BOO!"

Amelia put her hands in front of her face and squeezed her eyes shut. When nothing happened she opened her eyes

Tes: Shouldn't he have taken that opportunity to knock her the hell out?!

and realized it was a illusion.

'He's going to be hard to defeat.'

"DY SLASH!!!!!!!"

Cerulite: * as Amelia* "Princess Di Halation!"

Amelia yelled throwing many shaped boomerang. Devicio easily dodged it.

"That all you can do, little girl?" He asked. Amelia laughed as the boomerangs came back and hit him.

Auryn: I always knew Amelia was the cold-hearted kind of person who'd laugh at someone when they were down…

"Come on Zelgadis!" Amelia called. Zelgadis immediatly ran up with his sword

CD: Would it be too much to ask that he ran UPON his sword?

locking in a sword battle with Decivio.

"Flare Arrow!!" Amelia casted the spell. The arrow missed Decivio. "GOZ FLOW!!" Zelgadis yelled.

Tes: Does anyone else know what a Goz Flow is?

Matise: Maybe it's supposed to be Gozu Vrow?

A shadow came behind Decvio and held his arms back.

"ARGH!!! LET GO!!!" Decivio yelled.

Auryn: Yeah, right, like he'll do that.

"Hurry Amelia! We don't have much time!"

Cerulite: * as Zelgadis* "Hurry! Put the mascara on him while I hold him down!"

Zelgadiss commanded.


"FIRE LANCE!!!" Lina yelled.

"ICICLE LANCE!!!" Grau yelled after her.

CD: Suddenly, this reminds me a whole lot of Vrummigun again. Why are they casting ice spells at the North Pole!?

The spells canceled each other out.

"Ha! Try better then that." Grau taunted.

Tes: * as Lina* "Okay! Dragon Slave!"

"RUNE FLARE!!" Filia shouted.

Matise: Isn't that fire shamanist magic?

Auryn: Hell if I know. I thought Filia only knew white magic and holy magic…

Missles of fire flew from Filia's hands to Grau. As they hit Grau, he yawned.

"Hmmm It's cold." He said.

Cerulite: Did Grau forget his cold weather clothing, too?

Filia growled.

"BALUS ROD!!" She yelled. In her hand was a long whip of fire.

Tes: Ohhh, kinky!

CD: * snickering* That reminds me of the Riding Crop of Phibrizzo…

Cerulite: Or the Silken Love Whip of Dynast?

CD: * snaps fingers* Exactly!

She glared at Grau and waved it above her head, then wrapped it around him.


Matise: What's she screaming for? She's not the one being whipped…

She swirled Grau around and around and around with the whip of fire. Grau tried to teleport but couldn't concentrate.

"Source of all_power, Light which burns beyond crimson. Let thy power gather in my hand! FIRE BALL!!!!!" She threw a fireball down the rod.

Auryn: Apparently Filia DOES know shamanistic fire magic…

"AAAACK!" Grau sweatdropped.

Cerulite: If I were being fried with a fireball, I'd do a helluva lot more than sweatdrop…

She snapped the rope and fireball toasted Grau. she let go of the rope.

"EEEK! Hot hot hot hot hot!!!!" Grau hopped around on one foot.

Tes: Well, there went ANY sense of dignity this guy may have once had…

From the other side Decivio was screaming.

CD: Why? He's not the one being fireballed…

"ARGH!" He shouted. Amelia walked up to him and placed his hands on his chest and closed her eyes.

"O power of light, And earth and wind. Break now this evil spell! Flow Break!" Amelia opened her eyes as the flow break traveled from her hands in to his body making him pass out.

Matise: What spell was he under, anyway?

Tes: He was turned into a Mazoku? I guess she just made him human again?

Auryn: Wouldn't that sort of… y'know… kill him?

"That should keep him from doing any damage. Lina-san quick." Amelia said. Lina ran over to Amelia while the others were toasting off Grau.

Cerulite: What, they're making toasts over him? Like New Year's?

CD: A toast, to Grau!

Others: Here, here!

Lina grabbed Decivio and teleported out of there.

"LIGHT!!!" Gourry shouted bringing the sword of light out.

Matise: As in "Light come forth"?

Tes: Well, why didn't he just say so?

He charged at Grau and swung at him. Grau teleported.

"Haaaaah!" Zangulus let out the howling sword.

CD: Lot of good that'll do them. He's not the best swordsman in the world…

Cerulite: * as Zangulus* "Duel with me, Gourry!!!"

Grau was caught off guard but moved out the way.

"I don't have time for there silly games." Grau said.


Auryn: * as a grizzled old pirate* "ARGH, mateys!"

Grau yelled letting out a blast of stinging ice.

"Eeeek! That hurts!" Martina screamed.

Matise: Yes, Martina, I think that was the point.

Lina teleported back and was caught up in it.

"Acck! What's going on? Xellos to Grau!"

CD: Is she speaking Japanese again? "Xellos and Grau"?

She yelled over the sound off the ice blizzard.


Tes: No, but now he's speaking Japanese.

Xellos teleported over to Grau and held him so he won't teleport away.

"Wha? Wha? What are you doing?!" Grau asked.

Cerulite: I believe he's holding you so you won't get away, stupid.

Xellos just smirked. "

Lord of Darkness of the four worlds. I call upon you! Grant me the power you posses!" Lina chanted. The four talismans lit up as Lina boosted the spell.

"Sword of the cold, dark void, free yourself from heaven’s bonds!

Matise: "Free yourself from WHAT bonds"?

CD: Hey, cool! Lina's gonna kill Xellos, too!

Become one with my power, with my body. " She started the Ragna Blade. Grau gasped in fear.

"NO! You can't do that! No you can't kill me!"

Auryn: Famous last words…

He screamed.

"And let us walk the path of destruction together Power that can smash even the souls of the gods! RAGNA BLADE!!!!!"

Cerulite: But does he really deserve a Ragna Blade?

The Ragna blade gathered in Lina's hand. Lina charged at Grau.

"Sword of Darkness!!! ARGH!!!" She yelled.

Matise: * as Philionel* "ARGH! Take to the sea!"

CD: * as Amelia* "Take to the sea!"

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Tes: Hey, how many chapters does this make so far? Are we almost done?

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Auryn: I think so… let's see… this makes? 16? 17?

Filia Ul Copt
Cerulite: * bitterly* Too damned many if you ask me.

Xelloss Metallium
Zangulus and Martina Xoana
CD: * trying to be optimistic* But… there are only 2 more chapters left!

Grau and Sherra
Dynast Grausherra
(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Tes: And where the hell did Zelas go!?

Decivio is a creation of my own

Slayers Return Again 18

Cerulite: * weeping* I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Just one more chapter!

"Sword of Darkness!!!! Argggh!!!" Lina yelled charging at Grau.

Matise: Now Lina's a pirate, too.

Grau put up a shield as Lina started to bring down the Ragna Blade. Xellos teleported away.

CD: * snaps* Damn.

The Ragna blade easily cut through the shield and down to Grau.

"Aaaack!" Grau screamed and was gone.

Auryn: If you knew you were going to die, would you really make a sound like "Ack"?

Lina fell to the ground gasping for air.

"Lina-san! Are you alright?!" Amelia asked her. Her friends gathered around her and started to put a healing spell on her.

Matise: Somehow, this is reminding me of some kind of cult…

Lina nodded.


"Lord Dynast! They killed Grau and took the spell off Decivio!" Sherra exclaimed to her Lord.

Cerulite: Sherra, Master of the Obvious…

Dynast didn't say anything. Sherra was getting angry at Lina for killing her partner.

"Curse you Lina Inverse! I'm going to make you oay for what you did."

Auryn: Ohh, I sure hope Lina doesn't have to 'oay' for killing Grau.

She muttered to herself.

"Tell Lina Inverse to meet me here. Then I will talk to her."

CD: * as Dynast* "We will have coffee."

Dynast said coldly.

"Yes my Lord." Sherra started to teleport away.

"And don't kill her." Dynast quietly told her.

Matise: Ohh, a Mazoku showing sympathy.

Tes: * points* Important plot point!

Sherra was about to protest but changed her mind.

"Yes my Lord." Sherra bowed and teleported away.

Auryn: Bet he doesn't want Lina killed cuz he's in love with her.

Cerulite: Yeah, right.

CD: Hell, I'd bet Sherra's in love with Dynast, too…

Matise: A love tetra-hedron! How fun!

Dynast grunted.

"Soon Lina Inverse you'll be mine." He laughed.


"Flare Conceal!!" Amelia shouted, putting a shield around them.

CD: What the hell is a Flare Conceal?

Tes: I have no clue. I've not heard of half these spells.

"That should keeps us warm and protected while we rest a moment." She told the others.

"Good thinking, Amelia." Zelgadis told her. She beamed.

Auryn: * as Amelia* "I'm so glad that I can base my self-worth on a tiny comment from a man!"

CD: Why does that sound like Shinji Ikari to me?

Auryn: * shrug*

"Lina Inverse!" A voice from the shadows called. Everyone stood up and looked around for the voice.

"Sherra...." Lina whispered.

"So Lina Inverse. You thought you could trick us, kill my partner, turn my servant against me and get away with it?"

Matise: * as Lina* "Uh, yeah, kinda."

A blue figure was walking toward them out of the shadows.

"What do you want, Sherra?"

Cerulite: I kinda think she wants to kill you, Lina.

Lina asked with a smirk.

"It's not what I want.... It's what Lord Dynast wants.

All but Matise: * snicker* Boaw Chika baow wow! Chika Baow wow!

He wants you to meet him where we took you. He told me not to kill you... lucky you. Bad luck to you, Lina Inverse."

Auryn: * as Lina* "Ohhh, I'm scared. Okay, let's go get some food!"

Sherra laughed and teleported out.

"Argh! That girl makes me sick!"

CD: Yeah, and the rest of us, too.

Lina seethed balling up her fist.

"Lina do you know where they took you?" Filia asked.

Tes: * flatly* Probably not, as she was unconscious at the time!

Lina blinked.


Cerulite: She keeps reminding me of Usagi with all her "nani" ing. * impersonates Usagi* "NANI, NANI, NANI!"

Auryn: I think if I hear one more "nani", I'll lay the smackdown on someone…

The girl didn't even tell me where that is!"

"Ooooh But guess who does know where that is?" Xellos asked.

Matise: * flatly* Probably Xellos.

Tes: How, we don't dare fathom.

"Who, Xellos-san?" Amelia asked. Everyone face faulted.

CD: Ask a stupid question….

"Uh me." Xellos said weakly standing up.

"Xellos knows where everything is, he just never tells us." Filia sniffed.

Tes: Su-u-u-u-ure he does. He's secretly God, after all.

A big boulder saying 'Mr. Know it all' fell on Xellos knocking him down again.

CD: * cough* Cheap special effects… * cough*

"Well lets go!"

Cerulite: * as Lina* "To the restaurant, to eat!"

Lina shouted raising her fist in the air.


"Dynast! Come out!! We are here!" Lina yelled when they reached their destination.

Matise: Wherever that destination might have been.

"Maybe he's not here." Gourry suggested.

Auryn: He heard Lina was coming and decided to haul ass before she ate him out of house and home.

"He has to be." Lina said.
"Give us the power, Lord Zoamalagulstar!" Martina prayed.

All: * blink** blink** insane laughter*

Cerulite: After EIGHTEEN frickin' chapters, she finally mentions Zoalmagustar!

CD: Martina's backsliding…

"You still pray to him?" Zelgadis asked her.

Auryn: Not that any of us could ever tell….

"Welcome to my humble abode." A deep voice said behind them.

Tes: Oh, so that's where they are…

Everyone turned around and were surpirse to see a young man around their age

Matise: I sincerely doubt he's anywhere NEAR their age.

standing behind them. He had dark black hair and was very handsome.

"Lina... that's Dynast?" Gourry asked.

Cerulite: Gourry's keen sense of perception never ceases to amaze me.

Lina nodded then said aloud,

"Dynast, what do you want with me?" She asked.

CD: * sigh* As if she didn't know by now that he wants her to help him take over the world…

Sherra appeared by his side, smirking.

"I thought you would have known by now. I want you to rule the world with me.

Matise: Well, now, that was a twist.

Soon I'll be king of the world and I do need someone to rule it with me. I want you to be my queen!"

Auryn: Told ya so.

He said simply.

"Y-y-y-you don't mean that, do you?" Sherra asked her Lord in shock.

CD: Ha ha! Told ya so!

Cerulite: * grumble*

Everyone else was just as shocked.

Tes: Except for us…

Lina blushed in surprise.

"Well Lina Inverse? What is the answer?"

CD: Dude, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she's already married.

Dynast asked with a smirk. Gourry looked from Lina to Dynast and from Dynast back to Lina

Cerulite: Gourry's 'Lay Offa My Bitch' radar is going off…

"Oi Lina? Did he just ask you to---"

Cerulite: …Or not…

Gourry was cut off by a angry Lina.

"Dynast... you know the answer is no!"

Matise: You silly man, you.

She gritted her teeth.

"Lord Dynast! How could you do this?!" Sherra asked.

CD: Hah hah! * points*

"Be gone Sherra." Dynast told her with a wave of his hand he sent her flying into the wall.

CD: Did that just remind anyone else of Nakago and Soi from Fushigi Yuugi?

Tes: Who saw it coming? * all raise hands* Thought so.

Sherra withered in pain, she opened her mouth and no sound came out. Amelia and Zelgadis rushed over to her and started to put a healing spell on her.

"Why are you helping me?" Sherra asked.

Auryn: * blandly* Because the author told them to.

Zelgadis and Amelia looked at each other then looked at Sherra and shrugged.

Cerulite: * as Zelgadis* "We really don't care either way."

"Fine Lina Inverse. You will die." Dynast said coldly.

Tes: And suddenly, this reminds me of Legend.

CD: Oh, yeah, the part where the Devil is trying to win the girl over and not kill her stubborn ass in the process…

Gourry spit on the ground and looked at Dynast in anger.

"Not if you don't die first." He growled.

Matise: Well, if he doesn't die first, then that means that he's probably won…

"What do you think your going to do? Kill me?" Dynast laughed crazily. Sherra stared at her Lord in fear... then disgust.

"He's crazy, really crazy."

Tes: Is it just me, or does anyone else think Sherra really needs to go to a battered women's shelter?

Auryn: I think they all need counciling…

She exclaimed aloud, her strength coming back.

"Fire.....Ball!!!" Lina yelled throwing a ball of fire towards Dynast.

CD: * snort* I know that's the first thing I'd throw at a pissy dark lord…

He easily froze it.

"Try harder Lina." He laughed. Which made her angry. He was sucking in her anger as fuel.

All: * make sucking noises*

"Astral Vine!!" Zelgadis yelled standing up leaving Amelia to take care of Sherra.

"Haaaaaaaaah!" Gourry yelled charging at Dynast with the sword of light.

"Whoops you missed." Dynast teleported away.

Auryn: Well, naturally.

"Shit!" Gourry cursed.

Matise: * whistles* Wow, the profanity is even spreading to Gourry now, huh?

" I do not know why you try." Dynast taunted. Amelia finished.

"There you should be fine.... Oh no! I just aided the enemy!"

Cerulite: D'oh!

She backed away from Sherra.

"Don't worry." Sherra stood up and walked over to the group. She took a fighting stance against Dynast.

Tes: Sherra, I think he can kill you with a thought if he felt like it. He did create you, after all…

"Oh? Look what we have here. Sherra is going to fight against me? This just might get interesting." Dynast said.

CD: Yeah, right. He could kill Sherra with a snap of his fingers if he felt like it.

Sherra growled.

"I'm tired of you treating me like dirt! I was your most loyal servant!

Auryn: She just had the hots for him.

And this is the thanks I get?!" Sherra asked angrily. Dynast smirked un-interested.

Cerulite: Hell, I'm uninterested, too.

"I didn't have need of you....human girl..."

CD: Nooo, I'm pretty sure she's a Mazoku.

He growled. Everyone looked over at Sherra. She cursed and pulled out her sword.

"Aaaaaaaaagh!" She yelled charging at him.

Auryn: Please kill her.

Matise: I hate to say it, but I think I agree.

He pushed her back yet again but Sherra put up a shield in time.

"Hell Blast!!!" A black lance was shot at Dynast.

CD: Yet another spell I've never heard of.

It hit him in the arm but he drew it out in time.

Tes: * snicker* Drew what out in time?

"Bram Blazer!!" Amelia and Martina yelled. Two shockwaves of lightning hit Dynast. He appeared unharmed.

Cerulite: Well, hell, how do they expect an attack from Amelia and Martina to harm him?

"Now time for my fun!" He raised his hand and big sharp iclces were headed towards them.

Auryn: Yay, it's fun.

"Flare Conceal!" Filia yelled immediatly putting up a shield for them. Dynast teleported. The group looked around for him . He appeared behind Gourry and shot a blast of Ice through his black.

Cerulite: Wow, Zoisite did the same thing to Endymion once…

Tes: * snicker* I bet Dynast just has penis envy.

"Oh no! Gourry! Gourry!!"" Lina ran to his side and beckoned Amelia and Filia to do a Recovery spell. blood was already appearing around Gourry. Lina took Gourry's sword

CD: Damned scavenger.

and walked toward Dynast chanting as she walked.

"Lord of Darkness of the four worlds. I call upon you.

Auryn: * as Lina* "I want a pan crust, cheese lover's pepperoni pizza. And make it snappy, Lords of Darkness!"

Grant me the power you posses!
Sword of the cold, dark void, free yourself from heaven’s bonds!

Matise: 'Free yourself from WHAT bonds'?

Auryn: That has got to be cut and pasted.

Become one with my power, with my body. And let us walk the path of destruction together. Power that can smash even the souls of the gods! RAGNA BLADE!!!!!"

Cerulite: Oww, my ears. Again. You think I could get disability for all her screaming causing me to go deaf?

CD: Doubt it.

She instructed the sword to take the Ragna Blade and ran towards Dynast yelling.

"Now this is what I was Looking for."

Tes: * as Dynast* "My car keys! Damn, why'd I put them in the refrigerator?"

Dynast laughed. Lina ran to him and began lowering the Ragna Blade down on him. He held the blade up with one hand.

Matise: Wow, he must have pretty big hands.

Tes: * chuckles* Well, you know what they say about men with big hands…

Matise: Ack, now I feel dirty!

Auryn: And it's feet, anyway, not hands.

Lina used all her strength to bring it down on him. He quickly used both hands to hold it up.

Cerulite: *as narrator * "She brought it down, he held it up, she brought it down, he held it up…" Is there a point to all this!?

Lina could see that she wasn't going to do much damage but continued. His hands started to slip as she brought it down on him.

CD: By rights, his hands shouldn't have just slipped, they should've been sliced off.

"Arrrgh!" He grabbed her arms and lifted his leg and kicked her. Lina in surprised dropped the sword and fell back . She coughed up some blood.

"See? Even Lina Inverse has failed to kill me.

Auryn: Well, it was a pretty sorry attempt any way you look at it.

Matise: Lina's not applying herself.

You have no hope." He threw his head back and laughed.

Filia growled and was about to transform into a dragon

Cerulite: Yeah, right, like that'd help anything.

Tes: I think all it'd really do would be to destroy whatever building they're in and freeze everyone to death.

when Xellos stopped her.

"No Filia! It'll only make it worse."

CD: I really don't see things getting much worse. Unless, of course, Dynast decided to kill them all.

He told her.... then smiled at her and raised his staff towards

Auryn: No, Xellos, you aren't powerful enough to kill Dynast. You are stupid if you even think otherwise.

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
CD: Da da da… * makes blipping noises* Da da da…

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Tes: Wait… I just thought of something…

Matise: Do I really want to hear this?

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Tes: YES! The next chapter is the last one!

Zangulus and Martina Xoana
All: * cheer*

Grau and Sherra
Dynast Grausherra
Cerulite: Hey, they spelled his name right for once.

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Decivio is a creation of my own

Tes: Oh, who cares? We get out of here in one more chapter, anyway! HOORAY!

Others: Huzzah!

Slayers Return Again 19

"Oh Xellos is going to try to defeat me?" Dynast asked, mockingly.

CD: Yeah, he is kinda jumping his Chain of Command, isn't he?

Xellos just smiled. Dynast and Xellos teleported and went into attack.

Auryn: * as narrator* "And five seconds later, Xellos' bloody, mangled form was thrown from the astral plane. It was even faster than when Gaav took him down."

Xellos got a few good attacks in but it was Dynast doing all the damage.

Cerulite: As well it should be.

"Xellos!"" Filia cried when Xellos fell to the ground.

Matise: "Miaka…" "Tamahome!" "Miaka…" "Tamahome!"

She ran over to him and helped him with his healing spell.

Tes: Healing spell? What the--? They just lost me. Again.

Dynast looked over and pushed Filia away with a blast of wind.

"Aaaiih!!!" She screamed.

CD: * as narrator* "As she fell down the bottomless pit…"

"Oh no FIlia!" Xellos walked over to her but got pushed away by Dynast.

Auryn: Why is this suddenly reminding me of Sailor Moon?

Cerulite: * as Dynast* "Renounce your feelings for Xellos, and I might spare you…"

CD: * as Filia* "No! True hatred can never be taken away!"

Sherra watched as her Lord cruelly hurt everyone.

Matise: I thought that was the only way to hurt people…

She ran behind a rock and washiddin from everybody else.

Lina finished her recovery spell just as Amelia was finishing with Gourry.

Tes: * snicker* Finished WHAT with Gourry?

Auryn: Ewwww, weird Alt-shipper.

Sherra watched as Lina and Gourry got to their feet to fight Dynast.

"Wait! Lina!" Sherra ran to them.

"If you attack Dynast with multiple hits you could bring him down!

CD: Sherra, the tactical genius.

So don't go one by one!" she advised. Lina nodded and started firing off orders.

"Amelia and Zel! Ra tilt!

Auryn: * as Lina* "That way, we're sure to fail!"

Martina! You think you got the Dragon Slave right?"

Cerulite: * as Martina* "No, but will a Zoalmagustar Slave work?"

Lina asked. Lina had been teaching Martina the Dragon Slave but so far Martina hasn't been able to use it.

Matise: Gee, I wonder why.

Martina nodded Zangulus your sword!

CD: Wonder how long it took Lina to think that one up?

Hey Filia xellos you alright?" Lina called? Everyone was behind a shield and weren't getting hit by Dynast's blows.

Tes: As evidenced by the fact that they weren't getting hit.

But the shield was wearing down fast. Filia and Xellos nodded.

"Ok give him the best you got with mazoku and ryozoku magic. And Sherra...."

Auryn: * as Lina* "Go throw yourself on your sword or something."

Lina tunred to see Sherra standing there with her eyes closed and a glowaround her.

CD: And then she blew up! Bwah hahahahahahha!

A figure stepped from her body and formed next to her.

"Lina Inverse...." The figure cursed

"Grau? Sherra how?" Lina asked.

All: * stare*

Matise: What the…?

"I revived him.." Sherra answered.

Cerulite: My head… oh, that migraine's starting again…

"Sherra... why?" Grau was about to say.

"Sherra you give it the best you got---- whoops lets go!" Lina shouted as the shield went down. Martina and Zangulus advanced forward

CD: And died first.

Tes: You couldn't get that lucky.

Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond the blood that flows. Buried inthe flow of time. In thy great name

Auryn: * as Lina* "In they great name… Deus ex Machina!"

I pledge myself to darkness! Let allthe fools who stand in out way be destroyed by the power you and I posses!DRAGON SLAVE!!!"

Martina opened her eyes and aimed for Dynast. Zangulus let out his howling sword attack at the same time. Zelgadis and Amelia ran up and started chanting the Ra Tilt.

Cerulite: * as narrator* "Which of course caused them all to fail miserably, whereupon Dynast slaughtered them all. The End."

"Strength of all souls which dwells between chaos and the infinite"

"Eternal flame of blue"

"Hidden strength that slumbers deep within me"

"I call you forth here and now"

"Ra Tilt!!!" Amelia and Zel let out the Ra tilt at Dynast who immediatlywas in pain.

CD: Guess he just doesn't have a constitution like Gaav did…

Xellos and Filia immediatly ran up drawing forth their strongest magic. Filia's positive power and Xellos's negative power

Matise: * as Kubo from Otaku no Video* "Posi-king and Negi-king!"

reached and twirled together

Tes: * as narrator* "Like Brian Boytono at the Winter Olympics!"

toward Dynast. Filia had a determined look on her face as she concentrated to make her power stronger.

"Grau are you with me?" Sherra asked.

Cerulite: * as Grau* "In spirit, Sherra, I am always with you. In body, however… I am SO gone!"

Grau was hesitant to go up againstDynast.

Auryn: Mainly because he knew he would die.

"Please Grau?" Sherra begged. Grau looked over into his partner's eyes.

"Alright lets go!" He said grabbing her hand. She grinned as they started their attack.

"Hell Blast!!!!"

Tes: Helloween!

CD: Damned!

Auryn: Tesla!

Cerulite: Venom!

Matise: Megadeth!

They yelled throwing two black lances to the weak Dynast. Lina and Gourry saw their opportunity and ran foward.

"Lord of Darkness of the four worlds! I call upon you! Grant me the power you posses!! Sword of the cold, dark void, free yourself from heaven’s

Auryn: Hah ha! There's that cut and pasted part again!

bonds! Become one with my power, with my body. And let us walk the path of destruction together Power that can smash even the souls of the gods! RAGNA BLADE!!!!!"

Cerulite: Deaf again, thank you, Lina.

Lina instructed the sword once more to take the spell.

"Haaah!" Lina and Gourry yelled jumping high in the air then coming downharded spliting Dynast in half.

Auryn: Ouch.

CD: Crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside!

Tes: Crunch!


CD and Auryn: * as Ritsuko* "DESTRUDOOOOOO!"

His voice faded off. Everyone fell to the ground to catch their breath. They just sat their not saying anything.

5 few months later

Matise: Wow, that was anti-climactic. Did Clamp write this?

Tes: If Clamp had written this, there'd be much more blood, Martina would've been the first to die, and it would've been over about 14 chapters ago.

Filia fell onto her bed before getting ready for bed.

Auryn: Filia's kinda… backwards, isn't she?

'Oh it's good to be home.' She thought. She sat down at her desk and pulled out her journal and started writing.

"Dear Journal,

CD: *as Filia, as Captain Kirk * "Captain's Log, stardate 0845921-J. No signs of intelligent life found around the entity known as Xellos."

I just got back from Zelgadis and Amelia's wedding.

All: Awwwww…

Cerulite: And even after he called her a 'bitchy superhero freak'. * sniff* How sweet.

It was really cute and fun. Zelgadis was actually having fun and laughing. I think they are such a cute couple and always thought they should go out.

Matise: Maybe someone should explain to Filia that going out and being married are two different things.

It was great to seeeveryone. Lina is pregnant.

Auryn: * disgust and terror* You mean there will be MORE of them?

All: * shudder*

She looks so wierd being pregnant. It's funny.She is due in two more months.

Tes: So you mean to say that the whole time this story was taking place, Lina was two months pregnant?

CD: You'd think she would've mentioned that.

She is hoping for a boy. Martina is also expectinga child.

All: * stare*

Cerulite: Oh, gods, the world is coming to an end.

Tes: Hold me, darling! * glomps Matise*

She's hoping for a boy that looks like Zangulus. She can be realsweet sometimes. Grau and Sherra were there too.

CD: * darkly* If Sherra's pregnant, too, Rail had better never go to sleep again.

You really can see theyare very much in love... just they won't acknowledge it.

Matise: * flatly* Just like someone else we know, huh, FILIA?

They say they arejust best friends. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Auryn: That's probably the only thing that'd allow her to sleep with Xellos…

Amelia looked so happyshe looked like she was going to burst.

Cerulite: I bet Amelia's pregnant, too.

Others: Ohhhh! Shotgun wedding!

I think Zelgadis really loves her.

Tes: * as Filia* "…For the bitchy superhero freak that she is."

At first he thought she was a justice-loving brat to put it bluntly, Butthen he got to know her.

CD: After he slept with her, of course.

Xellos was there too. I didn't speak to him much.

Tes: * as Filia* "We were too busy making out in a corner of the reception tent to talk much."

Matise: Tes!

Tes: Well, I had to get just one more before we left! Hah ha!

He and I are the only ones left that aren't married, besides Grau and Sherra.I'll get married when I fall in love. I want to marry someone who lives aneternity like me.

Auryn: * as Filia* "An eternity! Just like XELLOS! Hear that!? An ETERNITY!!!"

I don't want to keep getting married over and over.

Cerulite: Yeah, that would be pretty slutty of her.

CD: This is Filia we're talking about here, remember?

Cerulite: Never mind.

I don'treally have anyone in mind...... Well sort of. I mean Xellos is nice sometimes.

CD: * as Filia* "When we're in bed…"

And he was worried about me when we fought Dynast and he's a great loverbut.....

Matise: * as Filia* "He's good enough in bed, but I just don't know if I should decide to love him yet. Maybe I should look this up in Cosmo…"

I don't know if he could love me. I'm his race's sworn enemy.

Cerulite: * scratches head* Shouldn't she have thought about that before now?

Idon't know why I'm thinking about Xellos. He's a mazoku for crying out loud.Maybe I'm just crazy.... or maybe I'm in love.

Auryn: * as Filia* "Or maybe I'm just trampy? No, I was right the first time. I think I'm crazy."

I could never tell him I wasin love with him. He'd probably mock me saying I was weak or something.

Tes: Before he laid her again.

Wellanyway goodnight.


Filia closed her journal

CD: Finally, and thank God. Can we go now?

and walked to her kitchen to fix some tea. She thought she heard someone knocking on the door but figured it was her imagination.

Auryn: She's been hitting some of Amelia's acid…

She took a sip of her tea and heard the knock again. She grabbed her mace and walked towards the door and opened it.

Matise: My, that's friendly of her, answering the door with a mace. And she wonders why she attracts nothing but Mazoku and vagrants…

"Hello? Hell--- Xellos! What are you doing here?!" She asked in shock. It was raining outside and Xellos had a a umbrella shaped shield.

CD: * points* I saw Rachel Summers do that once.

"Well I er was uh in the neighborhood. I reconized your place and well here I am." Xellos shrugged.

"Come in." Filia stood out of the way and pulled her yellow robe around her tighter.

Tes: * as narrator* "Lest he get the idea she wanted to shag him like a wild, rabid weasel."

"You want some tea? I was just making some." Filia asked politely.

"Sure that'll be nice." Xellos nodded awkardly.

'I wonder why he's here?' Filia wondered to herself.

Cerulite: * laughing* She has to ask!?

Matise: Why should he go to the store to buy milk when he's got the cow at home?

CD, Auryn, and Cerulite: * blink** blink* Huh?

Tes: I think what he's saying is, why should he stand out in the rain when Filia's willing to put out?

Matise: I… don't think that's quite what I meant, Tes.

Filia motioned for him to sit down at a chair at her table andd fixed some tea for him. She finished and sat down.

"Mmmm. Thanks Fii-chan." Xellos breathed in the steam coming from the tea.

"Y-y-your welcome."

Auryn: What's she nervous for?

Cerulite: * snicker* Pre-coitus jitters.

Filia stuttered hiding her face in the cup.

"Um I don't have anywhere to go tonight you mind if I stay here over night?"

CD: * as Xellos* "In your bed?"

Xellos asked nervously.

"Yeah sure... oh wait." Filia started.

Auryn: If she says she's only got one bed, I'm going to hurl a brick at the screen.

Tes: Oh, come on, Auryn! It just wouldn't be the same without at least one more good orgy before the show ends!

"I can sleep on the couch I mean it's not a biggie." Xellos said.

'Why am I being nice to her? All of a sudden I feel like being nice to her.'

CD: Xel, I think it's just a normal reaction to trying to get a girl to put out.

"Well I don't have a couch. but don't worry, I have an extra blanket youcould use.

Tes: * as Filia* "In my bed."

You could sleep in my bed, It's pretty big."

CD: Okay, who saw it co- *all raise hands* …Thought so.

Filia said turningaway from him to put their dished in the sink.

"Thanks Filia." Xelloss smiled and followed Filia to the bedroom.

All but Matise: Baw Chika Bawwoaw! Chika Bawwoaw!

Matise: * sigh*


As Filia snored softly right next to him, Xellos wondered aloud.

'Why am I here?

Cerulite: I think we all know why he's there.

CD: Gods, you have become so jaded. Even more jaded than me.

I shouldn't be here. Much less with a ryuzoku. I'd probably get her kicked out from her tribe or something. They'd probably ban her becuase of me.'

Matise: I'd say it'd be more along the lines of a stoning or a burning at the stake, but yeah, I think he gets the picture.

He turned over and looked at Filia her blond hair spilling over her face. He took his finger and traced it down her cheek lightly.

"I think.... I think... I think I'm in love with you."

Tes: Nope, sorry. Survey says… * BZZZ!* "Romantic tension in shards, burning on the ground like Napalm"! We're sorry! Try again!

He whispered to Filia. Xellos got out of the bed grabbed his hournal and walked over to Filia'sdesk. He noticed her journal lying there and couldn't help taking a peek.He read over her last entry.

Auryn: * in disgust* Gods, where's Audrey and her verdammt Jigglypuff when you need it?

When he read the ending part her smiled to himselfthen closed her journal and put back his, shut off the light and walked backinto bed. He tried to get down as light as possible without waking up Filia.

"Huh? Xellos what are you doing?" She asked sleepily.

CD: * as Xellos* "I'm here to clean your pool, Miss…" Baw Chika Bawwoaw! Chika Bawwoaw!"

"Just needed another cup of tea." He told her. "Oh." She laid back down and shut her eyes to go back to sleep.

"Hey Fii....." Xellos started. "Hmmm?" Filia asked.

"I love you." He told her. There he said it.... now it might stop bugging him.

Matise: Unfortunately, all the positive emotions inherent therein instantly killed him. The End.

Filia sat up and looked at the purpled haired mazoku laying in her bed.

Cerulite: * as Filia* "Oh, man, how drunk WAS I last night?"

"Oh Xellos...." She whispered placing her hand on her mouth. tears streamed down her face.

"Hey come on Filia don't cry I mean I'm not that bad of a guy right?"

Auryn: * as Xellos* "Except for that whole near-genocide thing, but that's neither here nor there, huh?"

Heasked with a grin. He lightly wiped away her tears.

"I love you too." Filia told him surprising him. Xellos looked at her.

CD: Intense looking action!

"Really?" He asked. Filia nodded. "Oh Fii-chan that's great." He leaned down and kissed her lightly then more passionatly. She kissed him back... happy her dream came true.

Cerulite: Is Filia going to get pregnant now?

Auryn: With all that kissing they're doing, if they were Sims, they'd have a house full of anklebiters right now.

Tes: He-e-e-e-e-e-ey! You know what this means!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
All: * jump up and cheer*

CD: It's OVER!

Zelgadis Greywers
Matise: We can leave!

Amelia Seyrunn
Cerulite: Let us sing the praises of L-sama for finally setting us free!

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Auryn: Forget L-sama! I think we owe this all to Zelas!

Zangulus and Martina Xoana
Others: * cheer* ZELAS!

Grau and Sherra
Dynast Grausherra
Tes: * looks around at mess in theater* Think we should even bother with this?

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

CD: Screw it, I think we're owed something for sitting through all of this. Canal can clean this up her damned self!

Well everyone.

All: ACK!

CD: Author-person-thingie talked to us!

Auryn: I'm scared!

How did you like that?

Ceruite: I think I may throw myself or someone else on a rusty railroad spike after this, but other than that, it wasn't bad.

This was my first fanfiction ever so I know it's not that good but I do except suggestions and comments as well as compliments.

Tes: I have a complaint: It was too damned LONG! AUGH!

Tell me how I did thanks! email me!

Matise: That was just creepy.

CD: Okay… Let's get the hell outta here! *all bolt for the door, all exeunt *

*begin transmission *

"There's popcorn under the seats!", Canal's frustrated voice called out from the dimly lit movie theater, "And this gum! And SOUP! And what did I just step in!? ARRRRRGHH!" Canal's screams of aggravation fell on deaf ears, however, as the rest of the new crew were busy talking to Rail on the video screen of the bridge.

"So, let me get this straight," Rail said over the video feed, "Since reading this fanfic, you four have decided to start a cult." A woman with bracelets, high heels, a short, white skirt, a wine goblet, and a long, thin cigarette blinked back at him. As a matter of fact, there were three of the women and one man dressed like that.

"Ah done told ya, Rail!", the one with the red and white-streaked hair answered, "We have decided to honor the holy being that is Zelas. It is through her divine providence that we made it through the fic today!"

"So you're saying you don't want me to send you anymore?", he asked smoothly, "Because if that's the case…" CD made shooing motions with her hands.

"It's not that at all, Rail, suh!", she replied, laying on the southern accent thick, "We just want to emulate the perfection that is Beastmaster Zelas!"

"Yieah!", the brunette drawled, a sticky Bostonian accent shining through, "Woi d'we always git persecuted for our beliefs?"

"Oh, forget it, Sister Auryn!", Tes' slightly sloshed drawl came through, "Here, have a little of our holy wine!" Tes poured her a glass full of bloodwine as Rail watched in abject confusion.

Rail cleared his throat, trying not to look at Cerulite in a skirt. "Anyway," he finally said, "What did you think of the fic as a whole? What about the plot? Did you find yourself being driven to insanity, or better yet, suicidal tendencies?" Cerulite smiled, taking a sip of his wine.

"Well, now, Accushla," he responded in a lovely Scottish accent, "Oi'd say it would've been better if they weren't tryin' t' get inta each other's knickers ever' five minutes." Rail gave him a half-puzzled look.

"Why are you dressed like that?", he asked blankly, "I thought you were a man? Are you a transvestite?" Cerulite smiled up at him.

"Not just a transvestite," he replied, "But an executive transvestite! I feel rather like Hawks Eye in this get up." Rail looked away from Cerulite nervously, instead focusing his gaze on the hateful, dreaded SI author.

"So," he said, grinning at CD, "I take it you won't want me to send you anymore of these, and you want to give up becoming a Trouble Contractor, correct?"

"Oh, no, Mistuh Rail, suh!", CD replied, smiling, "Send one whenevah you feel like it! We'll manage just fine!" Rail nearly facefaulted into the video screen.

"Well, if that's what you want," he said, barely recovering. The view screen blanked out as he shut off the transmission. CD turned back to Tes and held out her now empty glass.

"Let us now take part in the holy rituals of Juuou-sama, and drink the holy wine!", CD exclaimed happily.

* end transmission*

Now it's time for pointless blabber! Yay! First of all, I'd like to thank Simone/Fillia Mettallium for being graceful *or crazy, I'm not sure which, yet * enough to let me butcher… I mean, riff her fic. Whew, it was a long one! Just for the record, I'm never going to do anything that long again! I'd also like to thank Elf From Space for reminding Simone about this and offering all sorts of feedback! Without her, this wouldn't have gotten the go ahead to get started! ^_^ I think it goes without saying that I owe a big, big thanks to the people whose characters I borrowed for this. Auryn, Psycat, Stace, Chexter, and Haunter-sama were all so very gracious and helpful as I wrote this! I constantly collaborated with them to make sure their characters were being done right.

Now for other stuff. A lot of the jokes were related to other anime, particularly Sailor Moon and Evangelion. If you have any questions about what any of the jokes meant, please feel free to write me and ask. I'll be more than happy to explain them!

For more information about the characters on today's show, you can visit your local library, or by all means, visit Auryn's TRRPG Archive page.

If you would like to see your very own fanfic shredded on these very pages, please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to SailorN1@aol.com including your pen name, fanfic, and express permission to, as Deborah Harry put it, "Rip 'er to shreds". Please do not send me anything this long, ever again. I will personally hunt you down and impale you. This was a one time offer, only, and I thought a very nice way to start out * what will hopefully be* a series.

We hope you enjoyed this program. Join us next time as we find out just where Kane's gone, why he and Haunter could be such good drinking buddies, and how much farther we have to push the crew until they snap. This program was made possible by a generous grant by the Gazer Concern, The Owner, and Viewers Like You.

Feedback: Butterfly in the sky, you can fly twice as high! ~ SailorN1@aol.com

"Wanna ditch this party and have a party of our own in the bedroom?"