Lost Lighthouse

File Case Number One:

Slayers Return Again

by Crystal Dawn Phoenix

fanfic by Filia Mettallium

*begin transmission*

Our story begins in a small bar, not at all unlike the Mos Eisley canteena. A small girl with big blue eyes and red hair streaked with white made her way over to Kane Blueriver, asking to play cards. The game was sabaac, and Kane, after having a few more drinks supplied by the redhead, bet everything and lost. Did I mention the girl was a cheater? And a horrible, dreadful SI author? I didn't? Darn. Well, as it turns out, the redhead, in true Hans Solo style, took command of Kane's ship, the Swordbreaker. Lucky her.

Now the girl, Crystal Dawn, CD to her friends, is attempting to get licensed as a trouble consultant. However, the Universal Guardians, being a little too intelligent to let someone like THAT loose have devised a method of keeping her from being licensed. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the bureaucratic red tape strikes again. In this particular case, the Guardians have devised a series of mental endurance tests to keep cute little CD from running amok with a license. These mental endurance tests come in the form of fanfics, sent by the Swordbreaker's government liaison Rail Claymore. We join them in the midst of another exciting morning before their wonderful session with another fanfic...

"All of these people!?", the holographic image of the ship's system, Canal yelped, "They're everywhere! Tracking about, strewing garbage! Millie was bad enough, but now!" She sank to the deck, crying holographic tears. As she did so, a petite brown-haired woman strolled by, one of the new additions, obviously.

"What's her problem?", Auryn asked, blinking at the aqua-haired basketcase in the floor. She shrugged, took a sip of her Diet Pepsi, and walked on. The sobbing continued unabated for several more minutes, no one seeming to notice or care. Finally, the new ship's captain, that horrible, cheating, nasty, SI author, CD came over to Canal.

"They're not all that bad, y'know," she said, patting Canal on her holographic back, "They used to stay in my lighthouse. Every once in awhile they blow something up and they sure eat a lot, but on the whole...." She decided not to continue against Canal's increased sobbing. "Uh, nevermind," CD said, "I guess I'll go put this new plant over here." Canal perked up and looked at the plant CD was talking about. It was a miniature yellow rose bush. Well, maybe these new inhabitants weren't going to be so bad after all....

Canal was hovering over the bush in a flash, inspecting it and such. How pretty! However, before she could decide where she wanted to put it, there was an authoritative "ahem" over her shoulder. The apparent owner of the rosebush, a woman with catlike green and gold-flecked eyes, long white hair with a long green streak in it, black triangular patches under her eyes, and a heavy black trenchcoat, crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Canal smiled up to the Amazonian looking woman. "I suppose this is yours?", she asked. The woman gave her a toothy grin.

"Actually, it's my husband's," the white-hair said, "Name's Tes. Who're you?" Canal smiled, trying not to cry from having such a rough looking woman onboard. She would surely tear something up.

"I'm Canal," she said cheerily, "I hope you all won't be as much trouble as Millie is." There was a bout of nervous laughter while Tes just smirked.

"Is she bothering you?", a cheerful man's voice asked from behind Tes. Tes gave the green-haired man with similar eyepatches a small snuggle then they both turned to regard Canal again. "I hope it's okay that I brought my rosebush onboard," the man, Matise, said, "I just couldn't leave it behind, though." Canal smiled cheerily, happy to find at least one sane person amongst her new cargo... er, passengers.

"No, it's no problem at all!", she chirped, "I love plants! Here, let's put him over here!" And thus began an unintelligible bout of baby talk at the plant from Canal.

"Hey everyone," said a man in a blue uniform *not at all unlike one seen on the Dark Kings from the Sailor Moon manga or TV series* with coppery tresses of hair pulled back in a ponytail, "We've got an incoming video signal feed!" The view screen at the front of the cockpit flashed to life, and a picture of a man with straight black hair and a suspiciously happy smile appeared.

"Hi, there!", Rail greeted the new communications man, Cerulite, "Is your new captain home? I'd like to speak to her!" CD stepped into the range of the view screen's cameras, followed by a grumbling blond neko man with an Imperial Repeater Rifle slung over one shoulder. He was carrying a can of Diet Pepsi, which sort of contrasted with his flowing black cape.

"Hiya, Rail!", CD said, waving, "Do I get my license to be a Trouble Consultant today? Do I? I can't wait to go out and blow up some criminals!" She gave him a cutesy grin worthy of Chibi-Usa herself as Rail simply shuddered.

"Oh, sorry, CD," he stammered, wavering against the effects of the cuteness, "But they've lined up another test for all of you. They've sent me a fanfic for you, and boy is it a long one!" He took out a stack of papers and looked at them, then whistled. "It's by someone named Filia Mettallium. A little gem called "Slayers Return Again"!" CD folded her arms and tapped her foot.

"Never heard of it," she said flatly, "Why can't you send me stuff I've at least heard of?" Cerulite looked up, smiling sheepishly.

"Well, at least it doesn't have 'wolf-bugs' in it," he remarked, sending CD into fits of barely stifled laughter.

"As long as there's no Zelgadis raping, I'm fine," Auryn remarked from a small card table behind them where she was sitting with a spikey haired man by the name of Trent. CD put a finger to her mouth and shushed Auryn.

"Don't tell him that!", she said quietly, "He'll use that against us and send us one of those!" Auryn grinned and sweatdropped. "Okay," CD said, "Who's going in with me?" There were grumbles all around and people making demands to be delivered in exchange for sitting through this with her. Cerulite, being a kind person, volunteered to go. Auryn, grumpy as she was, eventually gave in and went in as well. And Tes decided to go just to see some booty on the big screen they'd put in the new 'theater room' CD'd put in. And thus the reviewing team was formed for the day.

*end transmission*

*all enter theater, all carrying large tubs of poppycorn, sodee, candy and whatever else they could think to bring with them. CD, of course, is carrying a random iced drink along with all her other stuff. Tes, of course, has Diet Pepsi, as does Auryn, and Cerulite has somehow managed to smuggle a bowl of soup in with him. They all take seats in the front row*

CD: So what's this about again?

Cerulite: Hell if I know. *drinks soup*

Tes: Is there a lot of Gourry in it? He has a nice...

Auryn: *interrupts* Tes, you're married.

Tes: *grumble**grumble*

Slayers Return Again
Episode 1

Auryn: Enough with the damned Star Wars references! CD, you've been around Haunter too damned long!

CD: Heh. *rubs head while sweatdropping*

"Ah! Gourry that was good." Lina exclaimed as she rubbed her stomach. Gourry grinned then stood up and paid the Owner.

"Thank you! Come again!" The Owner called as they walked off.

Cerulite: *drinking soup* Who is this... The Owner? I think he must be some mob boss... look, they're paying him!

Tes: *happy* Who cares, I just wanna see Gourry booty!

"Tomorrow we'll make it to Amelia's." Lina said as they walked in the Inn. They went up to the room and got ready for bed. Lina sat down and started to write a letter to her Mama.

"Oi? Lina? Are you going to join me in bed?" Her husband asked her.

"In a minute.... I'm writing to Mama."

Tes: No, now, dammit! I wanna see him get naked!

She replied, looking up to smile at her husband. He nodded and leaned back and closed his eyes.
Lina poked Gourry in the side. "Come on sleepyhead. Time to wake up and go." She said.

Auryn: *blink**blink* I think we missed it.

He blinked and woke up to see crimson eyes staring down at him. He sat up and gave Lina a passionate kiss. He climbed out of bed and quickly took a shower and got dressed.

Tes: I think we missed it again.

After all he couldn't let Lina take all the breakfast, could he?
Lina and Gourry walked downstairs to the dining hall next door. "Ah I'll have this, this, that, this oh and also this and this and everything in the left corner." Lina told the waiter.

CD: The left corner of the restaurant?

The waiter served them before and wasn't surprised at what Lina ordered.

Tes: I don't think anyone is at this point anymore.

Cerulite: Jaded. *Tes shrugs*

"I'll have the same as her." Gourry told the waiter.

"And make it snappy!" Lina called after the waiter.

"Yes Ma'am." The waiter said. "I'm starvi..... Oi? Lina, isn't that Filia and Xellos?" Gourry asked.

Auryn: That was confusing. Did the waiter just say that he saw Filia and Xellos?

CD: I think we just missed a paragraph break. Heh. *sheepish grin*

Lina turned in the direction Gourry was looking and saw Filia threatening Xellos with her mace.

"Hey Xellos! Filia! Over here!!!" Lina called out. Filia andXellos stopped and looked around. Gourry called out to them and they saw Lina and Gourry waving from their table. Xellos took Filia's arm and disappearedand reappeard next to the table.

"Didn't I say don't touch me?" Filia growled to Xellos.

All: *make touching motions at the screen* I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!

"Oh? And here I thought the golden dragons were more kind."Xellos said in his teasing voice. Filia brought her mace on top of his head, making him fall to the ground. She turned to Lina.

"Ah Lina. Long time no see. how long has it been? Two years ago when you got married right?" She asked? Lina nodded and got up and hugged her. The two women sat down and started chatting away. Xellos stood up and rubbed the back of his head.

"Does she have to swing that so hard?" He asked Gourry.

CD: She's a dragon. So the answer is yes.

"How come you to are together?" Gourry asked him Xellos slightly blushed which wasn't noticed by Gourry and said

"Well she uh well... I saw her on the way to the same place as me so I decided to travel with her. Ehehehehe." He said with his hand on the back of his head, his eyes closed as usual.

All: *waving hands back and forth in the air* Liar! Liar! Liar!
"So where are you and Gourry going?" Filia asked Lina when they all finished eating.

"We are going to visit Amelia. She said she had something special for us." Lina answered.

"Oh really? that's why Xellos and I.. er uh.. I mean that's why I'm going to Sailune too." Filia blushed and turned slightly away from Lina.

CD: *points* Ohhhh, important plot point!

Lina noticed but didn't say anything.

"So why don't we just ask Xellos to take us?" Lina asked. Xellos agreed and told Lina and Gourry to hold on to him.

Tes: *as Xellos* "Not like that, you perverts!"

"I'll walk, thank you." Filia said

CD: *as Xellos* "Damn, and I wanted her to hold me like that..."

"Suit your self." Xellos answered. Xellos disappeared and reappeared in Sailune. Filia reappeared along side of him.

"Wha-? How? Ho-how did you do that?" Xellos asked. "I've learned a few things thank you, baka namagomi." Filia hmpfed.

Auryn: However, due to matters of decency, we won't disclose what those things ARE.
CD: *looks at wavy things, begins to sing* "In the sea.... The fish have learned to flyyyyyy...."

Cerulite: *happy* Ohhh, you liked "The Last Unicorn", too?"

Hello we are here to see Princess Amelia. Lina told the Guard.

"And may I ask who you might be?" The guard asked Lina.

Tes: I loved that movie, too! Especially when Amalthia and Lir were singing!

"Lina Inverse Gabriev. This is my husband Gourry Gabriev. And these two are Filia Ul Copt and Xellos Metallium." Lina replied.

"Ah. Yes. The Mistress was expecting you." The Guard opened the gate to let them in

Auryn: I liked Lir's poem...

CD: *snicker* *as Lir* "The bitterness of... cross? Boss? MOSS? Damn!" *all laugh*

"Hey! Wait for us!" A voice called behind them. Lina turned to see Martina and Zangulus running toward them.

Tes: ZANGULUS! Can we get a close up of him? *screen zooms in on Zangulus*

"Oh no! Not Martina!" Lina groaned.

Tes: Closer... *screen continues to zoom*

"Oh hi Lina! Zangulus and I had a new Castle built so I decided to forgive you." Martina said cheerfully.

CD: My, that was convenient.

Tes: Closer... *screen continues zooming* There! Okay, lower... *screen moves lower*

A sweatdrop appeared behind Lina's head. The guard let them all in and had an escort, escort them to Amelia. They expected to see Amelia alone but were surprised a little to see a purpled haired man standing next to her.

Tes: Okay, lower... *screen moves lower* There! That's better! Oh, and he's walking, too!

Auryn: *sweatdrop* Uhhh, Tes? As nice an ass as Zangulus has, we really didn't wanna see the whole screen fill up with it...

Tes: Awwwww... *pout, returns screen to normal*

"_i Lina! You look so much older and Filia you look nice! And Martina! Wow!" Amelia exclaimed.

"Hi Amelia! You look older and great too! Lina exclaimed as she, Filia and Martina moved closer.

"You went got married? To him or something?" Filia ask nodding to the purple haired guy a little ways behind her. Amelia blushed.

"To Zelgadis? Oh noooo." Amelia said laughing nervously.

Auryn: Oh, c'mon... you know you wanna...

"Zelgadis??!!" All three of the girls said out loud. They looked up at Zelgadis and looked at his skin. "Ah Zelgadis-san! You found a cure, ne? I hardly reconized you!" Lina said to him. Zelgadis smiled (which he rarely did)
"Amelia helped me." He said looking over at Amelia, who blushed and denied it saying:

"Oh noooo my scientists found a cure and I saw Zelgadis a few weeks ago and I had my scientist save it for him." She laughed.

CD: Not *hopelessly* obsessed, is she?

Cerulite: Of course not! That'd only be if she put out a bounty on his head to bring him back so she could give him the cure...

"Well anyway. The reason I invited you all here is because there is this sea demon bothering this hot spring resort in Finisty. They contacted me and said that if we got rid of the demon then we could stay for two weeks free plus all we can eat." Amelia said changing the subject.

Auryn: Thusly being just the subject to distract Lina and Gourry with.

"All we can eat?!!" Lina and Gourry exclaimed.

"Watch out sea demon here we come!" Lina said

"What are you waiting for we need to get going!" Gourry said excitedly.

Tes: *announcer-like* "And Gourry takes charge!"

Amelia told the escort to let her Father that they will be leaving for Finisty. She shook off her princess dress and which had her super heroine outfit on underneath.

CD: That's convenient, too.

And the slayers all together again went to defeat the sea demon (And get some food and vacation too).

Lina Inverse Gabriev
CD: Lessee, that one's "The Bitch"....

Gourry Gabriev

Tes: "The Beefcake"...

Zelgadis Greywers
Auryn: "The Angsty, still-depressed ex-chimera"...

Amelia Seyrunn
Cerulite: I think that's the fifth spelling change Sairuun's undergone...

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Zangulus and Martina
(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

CD: Odd place for a disclaimer... O_o

Slayers Return Again
Episode 2

"Now this is the life!" Lina said leaning back sipping on her lemonade.

Tes: *scratches head* Did we miss something? They already defeated the sea demon?

"I wonder when the sea demon is going to show." Amelia commented a little worried.

Auryn: Guess not...

"Oh he will be here sooner or later.... speaking of demons..." Zelgadis looked over at Filia and Xellos. Filia was commenting on what a beautiful day it was while Xellos looked like he was about to hurl.

"Do you have to do that?" Xellos yelled at her.

CD: *as Filia* *giggling* "I guess not, but it's so much fun to slip hot coals down your back!"

"I was just commenting." Filia replied innocently. Xellos picked her up and tossed her in the water.

"Eek Xellos I'm going to kill you!" She smashed his head with her mace and dragged him to the water. She stepped out of the water and looked at her work. "This place needs to pick up their trash!" She said angrily. Xellos disappeared and reappered next to her and placed his arm around her shoulder.

"It looks fine to me." He said with his teasing grin. He took a handful of sand and placed it on top of her hair and smiled.

CD: He recovered quickly.

Auryn: I would've put the sand down the back of her bathing suit if it were me...

"My my do you look becoming." She screamed and picked up handfuls of sand, throwing it at him. She chased him around the whole beach, stopping only for more sand.
Cerulite: See, you can tell it's the beach... Look at all the starfish riding the waves...

Meanwhile Martina and Zangulus walked over to Gourry and Lina "Would you like to join us over there near the water looks like they are about to have a couples three legged swimming event. You can sign up for it if you want.

"What about it Lina? Wanna try?" Gourry asked her.

"Sure! I'm game." Lina replied. "Amelia? You want to be my partner?" Zelgadis asked the girl sitting next to him.

"Sure, Zelgadis-san." Amelia answered standing up.

Tes: And Ranma-style romantic hijinks ensue...

"How many times do I have to tell you you could call me just Zelgadis?" Zelgadis asked Amelia as they walked toward where the event was taking place.

"Well Gourry lets go." Lina said, grabbing Gourry's hand.

CD: *as Lina* "These guys are obviously too busy having a lover's spat to give us the time of day! *hmph*"

"Right!" Gourry answered.

"Well I guess we can go too." Zangulus looked down at Martina who nodded.

Cerulite: I thought they'd be the first in the water, with Martina claiming that the power of Zoalmagustar would crush their opposition...

"Wait! where are you going?" Filia called out to Zelgadis and Amelia. They turned around and waited for Filia to catch up with them.

"We are going to join in the three legged couples swimming race." Amelia answered.

"Hey I wanna join too." Filia said. Xellos appeared next to her.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "I would gladly volunteer to tie Filia to myself!"

"Three legged couples race? Hmm . Well I guess I could do that." Filia glared at him.

"Well you better get your partner." Zelgadis said.

"Partner?" They both looked at each other.

"I don't want to pair with him! Filia whined at the same time Xellos whined about not wanting to pair with her.

Cerulite: *mimicking a bad Harlequin Romance writer* "While deep inside, Xellos was burning with desire to strap Filia's leg to his own. The flames of his soul were burning... burning... burning!!!"

CD: We... get the point, Cerulite...

"Well there is nobody eles. I'm paired with Zelgadis and Lina and Martina are paired wit their husbands. Ta ta." With that Amelia and Zelgadis walked off.

Tes: *as Filia* "Bitch."

"Well dragon. You pairing with me?" Xellos asked

Auryn: *as Filia* "Of course I'll go have sex with you, Xellos! ....I mean...."

"Fine.... There is nothing else to do, namagomi Filia replied.
A gun shot sounded in the air as the couples started the race. Their was a lot of pushing and shoving as the couples tried to get first place.

CD: This was a ghetto three-legged race.

"Oi! Lina! Lets go under water!" Gourry suggested.

"Right!" They dived under neath and found it much easier and were gaining the lead. Lina made a shield around them so they could breath. They where almost at the end when a couple whizzed by them.

Tes: Someone whizzed in the pool?

CD: *laughing* Gods, that's gross, Tes!

"Nani nani nani?!" Lina exclaimed.

Auryn: Underwater?! Won't she drown!?

She and Gourry immediatly caught up with them.

"Xellos? She asked

"And Filia?" Gourry said after her. They both smiled and said

"See you at the finish line!" They whizzed off

Tes: So THEY'RE the ones whizzing in the pool!

Cerulite: They don't swim in our pool... so we shouldn't... pee in their... toilet... Damn!

with Lina and Gourry on their heels with Zelgadis and Amelia following behind them. Underwater it seemed just like a slayers race with Zelgadis and Amelia, Martina and Zangulus easily gaining on Gourry and Lina. They all surfaced the water swimming for the end when all of a sudden a big black blob swam in from of them.

"Eeek It's the sea demon!" They heard people scream.

CD: Now how do they know that? It could just be some poor, misunderstood sea blob that was looking to get some sun!

Tes: Stupid sea blob! Now we'll never get to know who won the race!

Gourry and Zangulus immediatley pulled out their swords (Don't ask where they came from)

Auryn: Should they be pulling those out in public? And at a time like this?

While Amelia, Zelgadis and Filia braced themselves to use thier magic.

Cerulite: Unfortunately for Lina, it was her time of the month, so she couldn't use magic. But she shouldn't have been in the pool anyway like that...

CD: Gross!

"Hey I want to help too! I've learned a few light magic tricks." Martina boasted.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Like the Zoalmagustar Slave! And the Zoalmagustar Bomb! And..."

"Oh? I don't think I should be here." Xellos said about to disappear. Filia immediatley smacked him with her mace and told him he was going to help the rest of them.

"Hey Xellos...Filia.. don't you think you could try to speak to him?" Lina asked.

"Me?! Why me?! I'm not related to that trash faced Xellos. How would we be able to talk to him...?" Filia exclaimed.

"Well becuase this thing has to have some dragon in him and becuase he's a demon right?" Lina answered smartly.

Tes: I don't know how she came to that conclusion...

Auryn: Hush, since it's Lina, she HAS to be right!

Filia hated the idea of being put together with Xellos but agreed.

"Why are you here?" The golden dragon asked the sea demon in dragon language. The demon immediatley understood but didn't speak. Xellos gave it a try, speaking to the demon thru it's mind.

"What do you want with the people here?" He asked. Filia closed her eyes and tuned into what they were saying.

CD: *as an announcer* "Filia can tune her mind, much like a short wave radio!"

"I was sent by my master looking for a Lina Inverse." The demon answered them.

"I figured if I made enough mess I would be able to get to her." Xellos replayed this to Lina.

"What do you want with me?" Lina asked the demon. Filia told the demon what Lina said.

"We want to know if you will join us and destroy the world."The demon answered.

Auryn: *as Lina* "I dunno... First we'll have to negotiate my payment... I want all I can eat for the rest of my life... At least 30,000,000 gold pieces, a castle..." *ticks off on fingers while speaking*

Xellos opened his eyes wide and gasped on the inside.

'He was sent from Zelas' He thought.

"Hell no! How many times do I have to tell you bad guys I don't want to join you!" Lina shouted at the demon.

CD: *putting hands behind head and leaning back* Since when has she ever cared about who was a bad guy?

"Well then I'll have to kill you." The demon said. Lina immediatley began firing off orders "Amelia! You and Zelgadis fire off a RaTilt, and....." Lina was cut off by Xellos.

"Ah but Lina that wont work on a demon sent by the Mistress! Maybe something like this." He raised his staff and shot a powerful spell at the demon causing it to die.

Tes: That was anti-climactic.

CD: About like the ending of X.

Everyone congratuglated him except Filia, who waited till everyone walked off.

"But Xellos? Wasn't he sent from your Mistress? Why would you go against her" Filia gasped at him.

Cerulite: *as Filia* "You are SO screwed, you know that don't you? She's gonna chop you into little pieces and feed you to her wolves... but only after she's strung you on barbed wire for at least three days and castrated you..."

"That's a secret!" Was Xellos's reply, but Filia noticed something deep in side of him that no one else did.

Auryn: *as Harlequin Romance author* "The burning chains of desire that bound his heart. She noticed it, and it made her long to break them. Long to touch his face and feel the heat of his burning kisses, burning into her flesh... burning... burning... burning!!!"

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Zelgadis Greywers
CD: Why do we have to sit through this again?

Amelia Seyrunn
Filia Ul Copt
Cerulite: You're already bored with these? You have 17 more of these to go!

Xelloss Metallium
Zangulus and Martina
Auryn: *as announcer* "Buy your Zangulus and Martina set today! Zoalmagustar medallion sold seperately."

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Slayers Return Again
Episode 3

"Oh a dining party tomorrow night!" Amelia said happily as the group looked at the resort's bulletin board.

CD: There's always a party in these sorts of fics, isn't there?

"Since we are leaving the day after tomorrow, lets go to the dining." Xellos suggested. Everyone start to agree then realized who suggested it and looked over at Xellos. A sweat drop appeared behind Xellos's head as he put his hand behind his head and laughed nervously.

Auryn: *as Lina* "It's a trap, isn't it?"

Cerulite: *as Filia* "That Namagomi doesn't even need to eat!"

"Ah'hahahaha I uh just like dancing, eheheheh" He said nervously.

"Well I think it sounds like fun." Martina said.

"Well I guess so... Why don't we go see what we are going to wear?" Amelia suggested to the other girls, Who immediatly agreed and went back to their rooms.

Tes: Cute, girlish hijinks ensue.

"Well uh tennis anyone?" Zangulus asked.

Two minutes later all four guys were on the tennis court in pairs. Zangulus and Zelgadis, Xellos and Gourry.

"No teleporting in tennis, Xellos" Zelgadis said. Xellos had a sweatdrop

CD: Geez, why does he even hang around them anymore? They all know his tricks. That just takes all the fun out of it!

"You'd think I'd do that?" He asked. They started with Zelgadis and Zangulus winning the first match,

Auryn: *authoritative adult voice* Because as we all know, Mazoku were meant to destroy worlds and burn cities, not play tennis.

then Xellos and Gourry took the second match. The girls came running out on the third match. Xellos and Gourry where about to win when Filia called out to them. Xellos turned and saw Filia looking beautiful as usual and ended up getting hit in the face with the ball.

Cerulite: *as Xellos, sounding smushed* "I hate tennis..."

"Couldn't you block that??!!" Gourry cried out to Xellos.

"I had something on my mind." He muttered

Tes: *as Xellos* "Sorry, my raging hormones were blinding me."


"Oh Xellos are you alright?" Filia asked as the women ran over to him.

CD: *as the other guys* "That damned fruitcake gets all the babes..."

"Ah of course I am. I'm a Mazoku after all." Xellos answered, rubbing his cheek.

"We picked up a Tuxedo for all of you to wear." Martina said.

Auryn: *gape* Just ONE tuxedo for all of them!?!

Tes: *as Martina* "Okay, Zelgadis, you get the pants, Xellos, you get the jacket, Zangulus, you take the shirt, and Gourry, I'm afraid you have to wear the cummerbund!"

"We figured out yours and Xellos's size." She added to Zelgadis. Lina walked over to Gourry and slipped her arm around his waist.

"Want to go back to the room?" Gourry bent down and asked her.

Tes: *hopeful* Can we watch?

CD: Baow chika bow waow! Chika bow waow!

"Sure." She whispered to him then added to everyone else

"We are going to go take a nap." They walked off. "Well That's where we are headed... Cya later." Zangulus told the others as he and Martina walked off.

"Well another game of tennis?" Zelgadis asked.

Auryn: *as Filia* "While they're off making out!? No way! Let's have an orgy!"

Cerulite: *as Amelia* "Orgy! Orgy! Orgy on the tennis court!"

"Ah! I'm tired out!" Lina exclaimed flopping on her bed. Gourry sat down next to her.

"Need a massage?" He asked?

"Yeah I could use one."

Tes: WOOHOO! We DO get to watch after all! Now Gourry should get nekkid! *cheer*

She replied slipping off her shirt and laid face down on the bed. Gourry's large hands gently massaged her back and shoulders.

Tes: Uh... wait... this wasn't quite what I was expecting...

Her eyes slowly closed in sleep when suddenly Gourry started tickling her.

"Eeek! Gourry! That's not fair!" Lina screeched. She picked up a pillow and smacked him with one. They went into a pillow fight till Gourry collasped and pleaded for Lina to stop.

Auryn: *as Lina, crowing* "Ha ha! And that's just what you get for picking a fight with me, loser!"

CD: Never pick a fight of any kind with Lina...

"You promise never to sneak up on me like that?" Lina asked pinning Gourry down.

"I promise I promise!" Gourry promised with a smirk. He knew that Lina knew that he was lying.

Cerulite: Isn't Gourry too stupid to lie?

Tes: Who cares, when is he going to strip!?

"If you ever do that to me again I'll fireball you, and I'll torture you till your all tired out and then some." Lina said angrily.

"Ok I promise." Gourry told her.

"Good now....." Lina's sentence ended when somebody knocked on the door.

Tes: *sigh* I guess he won't NOW. Stupid door.

CD: *patting Tes' back* Don't worry, I'm sure there will be plenty of Gourry booty soon!

Lina quickly slipped on her shirt as Gourry answered the door.

"Ah Filia come in." Gourry told the woman at the door.

"Hi Lina. I was on my way to

Auryn: *as Filia* "...have a gigantic orgy on the tennis court with Zel, Xellos, and Amelia. I mean..."

play tennis with Xellos, Amelia and Zelgadis when I decided to stop at your room to speak to you about something that has been bothering me." Filia told Lina.

"Nani? Ok shoot." Lina said motioning for Filia to sit on a chair.

Cerulite: *as Filia* "Lina, do you ever get that... 'not-so-fresh' feeling?"

"Well you see it's Xellos." Filia said sitting down.

"Ah you finally realized you love him, ne?" Lina said with a teasing look in her eyes. Filia blushed and shook her head

CD: *as Filia* "Actually, I've just killed him and I was wondering if you'd help me find somewhere to hide the body."

"Of course not!! Why would I be in love with that monster??!

Auryn: *counting* He's cute...

CD: *counting* He's charming...

Cerulite: *counting* He's always saving her...

Tes: *counting* I'm sure he's well hung... *everyone glares at her* Well! He gets to choose what he looks like! Right?!

But anyways it was when he killed the Sea Demon. Xellos would never help us like that. Unless he has a plan with Zelas... er uh I mean their Mistress." Filia stuttered. Lina obviously didn't notice her stutter

Auryn: *shrug* Well, I noticed, I just don't know what she's getting at.

"Hmmm maybe we should ask him. Ok I'll ask him later about it." Lina suggested.

"Ok but don't hound on him to much or he'll disappear and wont come backfor while and don't go to easy on him or he'll close up." Filia saidas she walked out

Cerulite: *as Filia* "And goodness knows I'd never want to get rid of him!"

"Thanks! Bye Lina." Filia called before shutting the door.
Two people met in the empy hall on their way to the tennis court.

CD: And we care because...?

"Oh? You on your way to the tennis court too?

Tes: *as the guy* "Oh, you were on your way to the orgy, too?"

Well we might as well walk together." the guy suggested. The girl nodded as she slipped her arm around the guy's waist.

"Wait before we go out there." The guy leaned over and kissed the girl on her lips.

"Mmmm, your kisses are sweet." The girl whispered to the guy. The guy laughed and murmured of course the held the girls hand as they went off to the tennis court.

Auryn: *as announcer* "We interrupt your regularly scheduled Slayers fanfic to bring you this episode of Revolutionary Girl Utena..."

Lina Inverse Gabriev
CD: *as announcer* "A plucky sorceress, not at all unlike the frontierswoman, Laura Ingells Wilder!"

Gourry Gabriev
Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Cerulite: *cries* I'm running out of snappy things to say about these things!

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Auryn: *pats his back* Hang in there, Cerulite! Don't let it get to you! That's just what Rail wants!

Zangulus and Martina
(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)
Tes: *flips bird at nowhere in particular* Yeah! Don't let him win! Bite us, Rail!

Slayers Return Again
Episode 4

"I can't belive Filia and Xellos are dancing."

CD: I can. The author obviously has a heavy Xel/Fil leaning...

Amelia told Zelgadis as they danced on the ballroom floor to a slow beat song.

"I can't belive Xellos knows how to dance." Zelgadis grunted.

Tes: He's been around long enough... I'm sure he's picked that up by now... among other things...

"Now Zelgadis-san, you really shouldn't hold a grudge on Xellos-san....." Amelia admonished.

"Whee this is fun." Martina exclaimed as Zangulus twirled her around..

Auryn: *as Zangulus* "Martina, are you sure you haven't had too many wine coolers?"

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Of course not, Master Zangulus! *barf*"

"How lucky we are to have such friends, eh right Martini?" Zangulus said laughing.

"I told you my name isn't Martini!" Martina told him trying to be stern.

CD: *as Zangulus* "Oh, damn! Well, I've not known you for that long, anyway. Sorry, dear."

"You know you like it." Zangulus told her as they danced away.

"Gourry you shouldn't have so much to drink you know, you'll wake up with a hangover." Lina told her husband as she drank some of the wine herself.

Tes: *announcer voice* "Gourry and Lina have become winos since we last saw them in Slayers Try..."

"Well we leave tomorrow night, why not live it up now?" Gourry said reasonably.

"Yeah well..." Lina thought about it.

"I used to do this all the time." Xellos exclaimed as the song turned to a faster beat.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "...before the wife and kids tied me down, that is..."

"What dance?" Filia asked him as he expertly danced her around.

"Yeah. I used to come dancing when I was younger." Xellos said.

"Really that's surprising." Filia laughed. She and Xellos were having the time of their life drinking and dancing (surprising for Xellos because Mazoku's have fun doing evil.)

CD: *flatly* I feel so informed for knowing that now, thank you.
Two hours later of dancing Zelgadis drunk and tired of dancing asked Amelia

"Wanna ditch this party and have a party of our own in the bedroom?" He asked her seductivley.

All: *blink**blink* *fall in the floor laughing*

Tes: Well, at least we get some action here...

CD: Oh, dear Gods... that's right up there with "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Auryn? Or "Are you tired? Cuz you been running through my mind all day long..."

Cerulite: *laughing helplessly* This from Zelgadis, of all people...

"Well only if your hosting the party." Amelia replied coyly.

CD: Amelia is COY? When did this happen?!

Auryn: *laughing* Amelia's easy.

"Yep and only one guest is invited... you." Zelgadis took her hand and lead the way to his room. Once the door shut they started kissing. Amelia pushed Zelgadis on the bed and climbed on top of him.

Tes: Woohoo! Go Amelia! *others continue to laugh*

They rolled around taking each others clothes off. Zelgadis kissed her shoulders, taking the night farther than they should have gone.
Filia and Xellos danced their way out of the ballroom up to Filia's room.

Cerulite: What the...? He's not even going to use a pick up line? How rude!

Xellos nibbled on Filia's ear playfully. Filia closed the door and ran her fingers thru Xellos's hair bringing his head down to kiss her. Xellos willingly kissed her slipping off his Tuxedo jacket.

CD: Gratuitous sex scene number two...

Tes: And WHERE'S the Gourry booty!?!

Then wrapping his arms around Filia. He slowly unzipped her dress letting it fall to the floor showing her body.

Auryn: *reaches over and covers Cerulite's eyes with her hands* "You're too young to be watching this.

CD: Looks like Filia's easy, too.

"Your beautiful." Xellos whispered to her. She stepped back and turned around slowly.

"And it's all for you." She whispered back.

Cerulite: I feel like I missed an important plot point.

"Zelgadis-san! What are you doing here?!" Amelia asked when she woke up. The she looked around the room.

"Hey this isn't my room." she exclaimed.

Tes: Amelia, Master of the Obvious.

CD: MotO!

Zelgadis woke up and sat up groggily.

"Amelia what are you doing here.... What?! Amelia?!" He jumped out of the bed. Amelia turned her head.

"Zelgadis your naked!" Amelia exclaimed blushing deeply.

All three girls: WOOHOO!

Cerulite: Ugh. *covers eyes*

CD: Amelia, Master of the Obvious, strikes again!

Zelgadis grabbed his robe from a nearby chair and slipped it on.

Tes: Damn. *snaps*

He sat back down on the bed, where Amelia was hugging herself wit the blankets.

"Oh Zelgadis-san.... I just... last night.." Amelia left the sentence trailing.

Auryn: *as Amelia* "God, how drunk WAS I last night? I mean, you look so dumb as a human!"

"Hey Amelia I'm sorry about anything I did to you last night." Zelgadis muttered looking down, blushing. He turned from her surveying the room. Amelia's dress was hanging off the desk with Zelgadis's clothes indifferent parts of the room. He looked back at Amelia who blushed again. He went over to Amelia's dress and handed it to her.

"Here put this on. I'll be in the bathroom while you get dressed.

Cerulite: Oh, NOW he decides to be polite and proper!?

Amelia just nodded mutely. She still didn't believe what happened. She pinched herself to see if she was awake.

"Ouch!" She said pinching herself quite hard. She slipped on her dress and patted down her hair. She sat back down on the bed not feeling too well.

Auryn: I don't think I'd feel well if I woke up looking at human Zelgadis, either.

'Well at least we leave tonight.' She thought. Zelgadis slowly opened the bathroom door to see if she was finished.

"You ok Amelia?" He asked her.

"Just a small stomache." She replied looking up with a feeble smile. "I think I'll go back to my room."

CD: *pulls an anatomy textbook out of nowhere* ...If that's supposed to be morning sickness the morning after, the author and I are gonna have words over human anatomy...

She slowly got up and shuffled her way out the door. When she closed the door, Zelgadis looked at his hands and asked himself.

"What have I've done?!"
Filia woke up in her bed, not really remebering that night. She saw her dress and other clothes all around her room.

'I must have been real tired last night.' She thought to herself.

All: *snicker, barely repressed laughter*

Auryn: Here it comes...

Cerulites: Wait for it...

Xellos awoke with a terrible headache.

'Maybe I can ask Filia to give me a healing spell.' He thought.

Cerulite: ...wait for it...

'Well on second thought I might ask Lina or Amelia.' He thought again blushing to himself.


Cerulite: ...wait for... What the hell!? I thought they were gonna wake up and figure out what they'd done!?

CD: That was anti-climactic.

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Auryn: I don't think I'd say that exactly...

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
Tes: As a matter of fact, I think there were TWO...

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
Zangulus and Martina
CD: Wait, are you counting Lina and Gourry and Martina and Zangulus? Cuz that'd be four. Or if you count them all individually, that'd be eight....

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

Tes: Yeah, but we didn't see that, so we only know of two for sure...

Slayers Return Again
Episode 5

Cerulite: God, you guys are perverts.

The trip back home was a sort of quiet one. Martina, Lina and Filia were going over the things they did at the resort excitedly with Amelia smiling feebly trying to get into the spirit of things.

CD: Oh, come on! The author makes it so easy!

Tes: It's like the story's there going "Please! Make dirty jokes about me!"

Gourry, Zangulus and Xellos were boasting about how they could beat each other in tennis with Zelgadis holding back a little. Zelgadis looked over at Amelia. Amelia looked over at Zelgadis.

Auryn: Intense looking action!

They both turned their heads away from each other, scared to speak to the other.

"Amelia! what did you like best about the Resort? The hotsprings? the beach?" Lina asked

All: *barely repressed fits of giggles*

Tes: See!? It's too easy!

"Er uh um I liked uh well I liked everything." Amelia said blushing a little.

Auryn: *as Amelia* "...everything about Zelgadis, that is..."

"The dance was real fun... I was surprised at how well Xellos knew how to dance." Filia exclaimed.

Cerulite: *as Filia, giggling* "But what I liked best was after the dance!"

Xellos over heard and looked over in his usual teasing face.

"There is alot you don't know about me, dragon girl." he teased her.

CD: A lot which I hope he doesn't intend to fill us in on...

She ran after him with her mace and he quickly shut up and started running. Filia almost gained on Xellos when she was thrown back by a powerful force.

"Uh oh...." Xellos slowed down. "Xellos!" A deep voice said from behind them. The group turned around to see a shadow of a woman standing there. Xellos bowed.

Tes: *whistles* Ohhh, he's in trouble...

"Hello Mistress." He said addressing the woman.

Auryn: Ohhhh, yeah. He's gonna get it now...

"Why do ya stay here with these humans?" Her deep voice made Lina and the rest of the gang stand still.

"You are a monster Xellos! You like chaos! Not hanging out at resorts!" She said angrily.

CD: *as Xellos* "No, I don't! I really like being a beach bum! It's what I want to do when I grow up! Why can't you just accept it, mother!?! *breaks down in tears*"

"I want to see some evil done! And as for the rest of you. I'll be coming back for you... Lina Inverse!" Her evil laughter echoed as her shadow left.

"Mistress?! Xellos that's Zelas Metallium??!" Lina asked picking Xellos up by his shirt.

"Ah'haha I can explain." Xellos said getting a sweat drop.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "You see, I work for her! And as such, she gets to boss me around like that!"

"Later." He disappeared from Lina's hands.

Cerulite: Okay, how many people saw that move coming? *all raise hands* Thought so.

Lina had steam coming from her ears

"One day I'm going to kill you Xellos." She yelled.

"Fireball!!!" She threw a fireball to the nearest tree followed with a freeze arrow.

"Ah I feel a little better" She sighed patting her stomach

Tes: Why is she patting her stomach?

CD: Why am I sure I don't even want to know..?

"Oh? I'm starving lets go eat!" Lina said running off with Gourry on her heels and Filia, Martina and Zangulus right behind them. Amelia and Zelgadis dragged behind.

Auryn: Human Zel doesn't seem to be responding too well to getting a little nooky...

Tes: Here I thought he needed to get laid... it only seems to be making him more depressed...

"I'll have everything on the left side and the back." Gourry told the waiter.

"Everything?!" The waiter exclaimed.

"And I'll have everything to the right side and on the front." Lina told the waiter.

"Everything?!" the waiter looked like he was about to faint.

"I'll just have some tea." Filia told the waiter politely.

Auryn: Well, now Filia had to go and ruin the pattern. Gehin Wir, Filia.

CD: Hey, there's nothing wrong with tea!

"Ah so much to choose!" Martina so looking over the menu.

"We could just get everything on the right side...... each." Zangulus told the waiter.

"Everything?" The waiter asked.

Cerulite: Damned extras only know one word apiece...

"I'm not hungry." Amelia and Zelgadis told the waiter at the same time. Zelgadis and Amelia looked at each other and blushed.

"Stupid Lina... why did she sit me next to Zelgadis." Amelia asked herself.

Tes: Better not let her hear you say that...
"I'll hey Zangulus come sit next to Gourry and Martina you can sit next to me and Filia you too. Um Zelgadis uh you and Amelia can sit in those two chairs left." Lina directed.

Auryn: *as Gourry* "Huh? This is complicated...."

Zelgadis tried not to look over at Amelia but did and blushed deep red. He looked down so no one will see his red face.

CD: More intense looking action!

"Well you can sit down!" Lina said. Amelia knew that Lina thought she and Zelgadis should get together...but she didn't have to make it so obvious. Amelia thought.

Tes: All this flashing's going to give me epileptic seizures...

Amelia blushed thinking about it that she almost missed Xellos walking up.

"Ah tea please." He told the waiter pulling up a chair.

"Oh I remember you and the lady from last time. I knew I saw you before."He said addressing him and Filia. The waiter walked off with the orders.

CD: *points* Ohh! Important plot point!

"Er ah um Xellos what are you doing here?" Filia asked nervously changing the subject. Martina and Lina's eyes turned to Xellos and Filia.

"Hmmmm?" They asked evilly

"Oh I remember you and the lady from last time." Martina said quoting the waiter.

"I knew I saw you before." Lina said.

"Er uh... I saw her here in this town and She was here and I sat down with her for some tea." Xellos stuttered.

Tes: And they didn't level the town?

Cerulite: Or cause any massive property damage?

All: *waving hands from side to side in air* Liar! Liar! Liar!

They let it drop at that but Lina kept a wary eye on the both of them. Sweatdrops appeared behind Filia and Xellos's head.

"By the way Xellos.... Why are you here?" Zangulus asked piping up.

"Ah well I decided to stop for some tea, and saw you all here." Xellos answered.

"You need to work on your lying, Xellos." Martina said.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "You foul, lying demon in the shape of a man who toyed with my heart! Now feel the torment of the curse of Zoalmagustar upon you! HA!"

Ah the food is here!. EAT EAT EAT!!" The waiter placed down the food and immediately Lina and Gourry tore in to it with Martina and Zangulus semi-politely tearing into theirs.

"No Gourry! That's yours! This is mine!" Lina snatched a piece of sausage from Gourry's mouth and gulped it down. Filia sipped on her tea. Xellos sat there with his teasing grin and eyes closed drinking his tea, watching Lina and Gourry argue over food. Amelia and Zelgadis sat there sipping on the water the waiter brought. Xellos looked over at Filia, thinking of a way to tease her.

CD: ...or get her out of her dress, whichever happened first today.

"Oh Filia there's a bug in your tea." He said calmly.

"Don't think about it Xellos..." Filia warned with her eyes closed crossing her legs sipping her tea.

'Ok something scarier.' Xellos thought. "Filia... your tail is sticking out." Xellos said teasingly.

"Oh Xellos did you see my new trick?" Filia asked picking up her mace, twirling it like a baton and 'accidently' dropped it on Xellos head.

Cerulite: Okay, so what, you sleep with a guy and he's no longer annoying?

CD: Not true.

Tes: Nope.

Auryn: Definitely not.

"Oops!" Filia said.

"Ah I'm full!" Lina exclaimed. "Xellos go pay ok?" Lina directed him. He left to go pay for the bill.

"Ah everyone ready? He asked when he got back.

CD: Boy, he sure took that well...

Tes: Lina has carpetbagged him.

"Sure let’sgo everyone!" Lina said excitedly. Everyone got ready but kinda stared at Xellos. Once they were a little ways from town Xellos asked:

"Why is everyone staring at me??!" He asked.

Auryn: Aside from the fact that you have evil, beady, cat-like demon eyes? No reason.

"Well you let Lina trick you into paying for the bill." Amelia spoke up.

"Lina.... trick...paying... bill?" He finally got it as Lina ran off.

Cerulite: I don't think you could even call it 'tricking'. She just kinda told him to pay it and he did...

"Come on guys.... you guys are too slow!" She called.

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
Zelgadis Greywers
Auryn: *starts singing "Komm, susser Tod" for the 'credits'* "I know, I know I've let you down..."

CD: Uh oh...

Amelia Seyrunn
Auryn: *singing in an incredibly happy tone* "I've been a fool to myself, I thought that I could live for noone else..."

Filia Ul Copt
Auryn: *still incredibly happy* "But now through all the hurt and pain, it's time for me to respect the ones who love me more than anything..."

Tes: *groan*

Xelloss Metallia
Cerulite: *feebly attempting joke* All hail Queen Metallia! Eh.. Heh... heehh...

Auryn: *happily singing* "So with sadness in my heart, feel the best thing I can do, is end it all and leave forever..."

Zangulus and Martina
Auryn: *happily singing* "What's done is done, it feels so bad, what once was happy, now is sad, I'll never love again, my world is ending..."

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Auryn: *starts in on chorus, but is silence by Tes' hand*

Tes: That's enough of your happy Eva suicide music.

Slayers Return Again
Episode 6

"Four rooms please. Two with double beds." Amelia told the attendant at the desk.

"Names of you all." He said

"I'm Amelia, this is Martina, Gourry, Filia, Zangulus, Xellos, Lina, and uh er Zelgadis." Amelia told him.
Tes: *recovering from suicidal tendencies brought on my Auryn's Eva song* No, I think he just meant what name you wanted the rooms registered under.

"Oh your that dragon-slaying, monster eating group!" The attendant's eyes flew wide open.

Cerulite: Isn't it the other way around? Monster-slaying, dragon-eating?

Auryn: *barely suppressed fits of laughter* Apparently only for Xellos.

CD: *groan* Okay, enough dirty jokes. You guys have no shame.

"Nani nani nani?! We don't eat monsters!" Lina exclaimed

"Dontcha think they'd eat me by now?!" Xellos asked.

"What?! Your a monster??!!" The attendant gasped and stood back away from the counter.

Tes: *blink**blink* Damn, he's really slipping in his old age to let that kind of sensitive information out.

"Ah'haha no what he means is that we always call him monster... just teasing him." Lina explained waving her hands. Filia poked Xellos in the side.

"Jerk." She whispered to him. He scratched his head and replied to her.

"Oh hush!" The attendant kind of walked forward but not to close.

"Ok we have 3 rooms available.... so uh two of you could sleep over in the Inn house behind the Inn." The attendant said scratching his head.

CD: Apparently there's a raging epidemic of lice going around...

"I'll do it." Filia and Xellos piped up at the same time, and before anyone could protest the attendant agreed.

Tes: Who saw this coming? *all raise hands*

CD: Remember! No more dirty jokes!

All but CD: Riiiiiight.

"Ok now here's your keys." He handed the room keys to Gourry, Zelgadis and Zangulus.

"Last three rooms in the back on the left." He walked off with Xellos and Filia.

"Oh... how wonderful I have guests for the night!" The attendant's wife said. She was a plump grandmotherly type and had a sweet voice.

"Hello... thank you letting us stay here for the night. Here..."

Auryn: *as if explaining to a small child* Well, Filia, it's an inn. That's what they do.

Filia undid her earmuffs and took out some teabags.

"Here these are for you." Filia handed them to the lady and smiled.

"Ooooh thanks! Oh your so sweet..." The lady gushed then looked over at Xellos.

Tes: *as Xellos* "Ne, Filia-san... You do realize you just paid for your stay twice, don't you?"

"Your so lucky to have her for wife.... Oh ok don't let me keep you... You can have that room." She pointed to a door to the left of them.

"But she isn't..." Xellos let the sentence trail off.

Cerulite: Oh, come on, you know you wanna...

"Oh you two must be newlyweds.... Well don't worry anything that goes on in there cannot be heard out here." She told them.

CD: *glares at others while they attempt to keep from laughing* You promised....

"Ah well good..." Xellos said making Filia blush. They both walked in the room and closed the door.

"Hmmm this sure is roomy." Xellos commented looking around the room. Filia was fuming.

"What made you say a stupid thing like that?!" She asked walking up to him, grabbing his shirt.

"Well uh I just uh wanted to uh...."

Tes: Oh, come on! Please let me finish that! Pleaaaaase!

CD: *sigh* Fine... But don't make it too dirty...

Tes: *leaps up onto theater chair and makes an Amelia pose* *as Xellos* "Ijustwantedtoripallyourclothesoffandthrowyouintothefloorandtakeoffmypantsandmakedirtylovetoyoubecausethat'swhatBrianBoytonowoulddo!!!!" *wheezes, out of breath*

Xellos let it trail off again. She walked up closer making him back up and fall on the bed. She leaned over and held him there.

"What made you say it!" She demanded to know.

"Your being mean to me." He pouted.

"You better answer me." She told him.

"Ok ok what did I say?" He asked, still teasing her.

Auryn: *hmph* Typical male.

CD: *nod* Yup.

"Ah well good..." She mimiked him.

"And what's wrong with saying that?" He asked her. She raised her hand to slap him

Cerulite: Filia's a little abusive, isn't she?

Tes: I think she has issues.

but he grabbed her wrists and brought her down near him, rolling over to pin her down, then lowered his mouth and kissed her.

"Hmpfmhmmrmmm..." She said at first. Then quieted down, closing her eyes and kissing him back. He let go of her wrists and spread his hands over her back.

Auryn: Wouldn't that be kinda hard considering she's laying on her back?

CD: Details, details...

She ran her fingers thru is hair. They stopped kissing and looked at each other.

"As much as I hate you Xellos...."

Tes: Yes, she seems to hate him a WHOLE lot...

Cerulite: I think I'm missing something again...

She was cut off by Xellos.

"Shh lets talk about hating later." He said
"Ah Lina-san.." Amelia said trying to get Lina to pay attention.

"Not now Amelia... I'm tired. You can tell me in the morning." Lina walked in her room with Gourry.

"Zangulus sweetheart can youunzip me?" A sweet voiced Martina called from their room.

Auryn: Mein Gott.... there is a mental image I didn't need...

"Well I guess I'll go now eh'heh heh heh." Zangulus said.

CD: *shuddering* *chanting* ...erase the bad thoughts... ...erase the bad thoughts...

"B-b-b-but!" Zelgadis and Amelia protested.

"Well uh Amelia... uh I guess we can um I guess we have to uh share a room. I mean it has two beds." Zelgadis said un-Zelgadis like.

"Yeah...." Amelia said. Zelgadis unlocked the door and held it open it for Amelia. Amelia walked in and exclaimed.

"There is only one bed!"

Cerulite: Who saw that coming? *all raise hands*

CD: Who wants to bet they get in it together?

Zelgadis looked in.

"I bet Lina set this up." he muttered.

Tes: You're on! I'll bet you 20 bucks he sleeps in the floor to keep the "Romantic Tension"!

"Most likely her and Martina." Amelia said walking over to the bed.

CD: You're on! *shakes her hand*

"Well there are two covers... you can take one and I can take one. It's a big bed so we can share it." Amelia suggested. Zelgadis blushed a little but agreed.

"I'm uh going to the bathroom.... You can get dressed for bed out here." He suggested. He walked out and shut the bathroom door. When he got back, Amelia was laying on the floor fainted.

Tes: Uhhh, wait a minute... Did that just kill the bet?

"Amelia? Come on wake up." Zelgadis slapped her face gently.

"Oh shoot, no choice left." He bent down and put his lips to hers and gave her AR.

Auryn: Well, there's your "Romantic Tension"... Froggy and RJ would be proud.

Cerulite: No, I don't think so... her nails aren't painted the same color as his hair and he doesn't have a rose tattoo the same color as her hair.

Amelia woke up to see Zelgadis's handsome face right in front of hers.

"Zelgadis-san?" She asked weakly.

"Oh well uh I was just giving you artificial resperation... because you er fainted." Zelgadis blushed.

CD: *as Zelgadis* "Even though it clearly looked like I was kissing you, I clearly was not, even though I obviously want to and... oh."

"By the way why did you faint?" he asked her.

"The bugs! Did you see them?! They were climbing out of the window!" She exclaimed sitting up.

"You must have imagined them, because I didn't see any bugs." Zelgadis said in disbelief.

Tes: *as Zelgadis* *sigh* "Amelia, you've been hitting the acid again, haven't you?"

"But there were some! They were huge!" Amelia insited stretching her fingers apart to show Zelgadis how big they were.

"Well nothing to worry about... I'm sure they were your imagination. Come on lets go to bed." Zelgadis told her, picking her up.

Auryn: Hey, guys, it looks like your bet's back on!

Tes: Alright!

"B-but Zelgadis-san....." Amelia said. Zelgadis walked her to the bed and laid her down, Placing a blanket over her. He shut off the light and walked over to the other side of the bed and took his blanket and curled in it.

CD: Hah! I won! Pay up, chump!

Tes: *grumbles, gives CD a twenty*

"Goodnight Amelia." He said. Amelia laid there looking at the ceiling not replying.
"I don't know why I married you.." Zangulus told his wife as he unzipped her dress.

Cerulite: Hell, that's a mystery to us, too. They never explained that too well in Next.

CD: I guess because they were both crazy?

"Take a guess." She teased him slipping off her sundress letting it fall to the floor. She 'fell' into his arms.

"Here, maybe this would help you." She grabbed his shirt and brought herself up to his lips, kissing him. He wrapped his arms around her, picking her up taking her to the bed. He placed her gently on the bed. She climbed underneath the blankets.

Auryn: *retch* We really don't have to watch the Martina nooky, do we?

Tes: Well, I guess it's only fair since we've only been watching the decent couples so far...

"G'night honey." She told him sweetly.

CD: Or not... *shrug*

"Oh no you don't....." Zangulus protested tickling her.

Auryn: Whew! Thought we were goners for sure there for a second!

CD: Do I get to sing the ending theme this time?

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Tes: Well, I guess it can't be too much worse than Auryn's happy suicide pop.

Lina Inverse Gabriev
CD: Yay! *ahem* *begins humming intro to "Virtual Star Hasseigaku"* "Taiko, Kanzen, Saboku ni kodoku! Kuuki, Genshin, Ingaritsuboshi!"

Auryn: Are you sure that was such a good idea... she can get pretty loud with that...

Gourry Gabriev
CD: *somewhat off-key, but wailing on it nonetheless* "Sooooou, Tochi no Ko
Seichooooou! Tetsuuuuuuugaku no Kodomooooooo!"

Zelgadis Greywers
CD: *still off-key, but getting louder* "Soshite Tsukiten Suseiten Kinseiten Taiyouten Kaseiten Mokuseiten Doseiten Kouseiten Gendouten.... Saranaruuuuu!"

Cerulite: *holding ears and trying to scream over CD's screeching* This was a bad idea!!!

Amelia Seyrunn
Tes: *holding ears as well* You're telling me!

CD: *getting waaay too involved in the song* "Enkan Mugen ni Hatenaki, Hitotsu no Yuukitekina Kikan!!!"

Filia Ul Copt
Auryn: *holding ears as well* Don't worry! She's almost to the end!

CD: *getting higher pitched and louder every second* "Hitotsu no Eikyuu Undou Souchi!!!"

Xelloss Metallia
Cerulite: *choke**sob* All... hail... Queen... Metallia...

Auryn: Oh, Gott.... here it comes...

CD: *going for the finale* "Aaaaaaa Kuuuudou Nariiiiiii....."

Zangulus and Martina
All but CD: *brace for impact*

CD: *blowing out several pieces of glass in the theater* "Sowaaa, Kuudou Nari! NNNNNNNAAAAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIII!" *sounds of several church bells accompany blaringly loud vocals*

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

Tes: I am now officially deaf.

Slayers Return Again
Episode 7

"Xellos! I'm plenty angry with ya! When are ya goin' to kill that 'slayers' group." Zelas Metallium asked Xellos angrily.

"Ah soon?" Xellos asked.

"Good... and make sure ya save that monster killing girl last. I wanna torture her." Zelas's evil laughter echoed thru her cavern as she blew on a cigarette making some circles.

CD: *in awe* Zelas is cool...

Xellos winced and was about to leave when Mistress Zelas said something Elis.

"Also Xellos... stay away from that bitchy dragon girl, Filia.... God's people ain't ya fellowship. Monsters don't like the dragons and vice versa." She ordered.


Tes: *as Zelas* "No, the OTHER bitchy dragon girl that you're sleeping with."

He asked, but knew what his Mistress was talking about.

"I've seen you two... Of course I didn't watch y'all the whole time... I didn't wanna be grossed out." She rolled her eyes.

Auryn: Zelas is a peeping tom...

Cerulite: Did she just say "y'all"?

Xellos slightly blushed but nodded.

"Wait...before ya kill them.. make sure they absolutely don't wanna join us. I could use the whole group.... even that dragon girl ya like." Zelas said.

"But I don't like Filia." Xellos protested out loud...

All: *waving hands back and forth in the air* Liar! Liar! Liar!

CD: Boy, Martina was right. He does need to work on his lying.

then covered his mouth for talking like that. Zelas got a half smile but didn't do anything.

"If they don't agree.... then ta ta to ya dragon girl."

Auryn: Is it just me, or is Zelas talking like Amanda from "The Glass Menagerie"?

Zelas dismissed Xellos with a wave of her hand, transporting him a few ways behind Lina, Amelia and Martina. Zelas sighed, bored. She frowned thinking back on her mom dad. ***Authors Note**** (Yes my monsters have parents)

Cerulite: *as Zelas, acting as Amanda from "The Glass Menagerie"* "That year Ah had so many gentlemen callahs! And Ah just had to have mah jonquils! 'Zelas has gotten Jonquil Fevah!' Mama and Daddy used to say!"

"Ah Lina, Martina, Amelia. Hello." Xellos said nervously. He has gotten attached to the energetic redhead and the half dumb blond. Not to mention the super heroine and her ex-chimera friend. Even the grudge holding green haired girl with her swordsman husband...... Of course who can forget Filia? Her pretty blonde hair, How her tail sticks out when she's angry...

Tes: ...how she likes to whack him with that big, heavy mace...

CD: Methinks Xelly boy is a bit of a masochist?

"....Xellos? Xellos? Hello Xellos!" He snapped back with Filia looking over at him.

"Aaack! Filia! When did you get here and did you have to do that??!!" Xellos exclaimed.

"Well you were murmuring something and I've been calling you for five minutes!" Filia said calmly.

Auryn: They had phones back then?

Cerulite: If Prince Endymion could find a way to get that odanga atama-ed moon princess to earth a thousand years ago, anything's possible.

All but Cerulite: *blink**blink**stare*

A sweatdrop appeared behind Xellos's head. He was about to say something when Gourry, Zelgadis and Zangulus walked up.

"Hey guys! Did you get me anything? Huh, huh didja didja?" Lina and Martina ran over to their husband's bags and looked in. Filia and Xellos were enjoying watching Lina and Martina when screams and yells erupted.

"Monsters!" "Demons!" "Aaaack! Bugs!" Amelia immediately looked up.

"Those bugs from last night, Zelgadis-san!" she exclaimed.

CD: *as Zelgadis* *sigh* "I told you, Amelia, it was only a hallucination brought on by your consumption of LSD. Now let us never speak of this again."

"Yes you weren't lying! Come guys lets go!" Zelgadis said.

"Yeah... what are you waiting for?! Lina exclaimed.
Auryn: *as Lina* "Yeah, the plot's about to start without us! Hurry up!" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Ah so it's Lina Inverse... and her 'singing' group. Oh and who is this? Xellos Metallium? Well what are you doing with Lina Inverse and her group?" The Monster taunted them and addressing Xellos.

Tes: *as Xellos**huffily* "I'm performing a duet with Lina this weekend, thank you very much! Hmph!"

"Oh? I do believe we are in the presence of The Great Deciver... Decivio." ***Decivio's bug-creature was standing along side of him. Xellos said his teasing grin annoying the monster Decivio.

Cerulite: *scoff* He's not that great... All he did was make a bunch of bugs!

"Argh! Do you have to use that stupid grin?! I hate it! Wipe it off your face! Decivio ordered Xellos.

"Oh? Are you trying to boss me around?" Xellos said, annoying the monster even more.

CD: *as Decivio* "Yes, yes I am."

Cerulite: *as Xellos* "Well, in that case, okay."

Decivio threw a fast ball of fire to the group, who automatically blocked with a shield.

"Oh you think that's tough? Try this!" He sent another ball of fire.

"Eeeek it's hot!" Filia screamed. Xellos teleported behind Decivio and knocked on the top of his head with power-stick.

Auryn: Power-stick? Xellos knocked him on the head with deodorant?

Decivios fell down canceling out his spell and was writhering in pain. Lina, Gourry and the group gasped when the monster fell so easily.

"I'll be back Xellos you'll see!" He yelled at Xellos.

"And you Lina Inverse..."

Tes: *cackles like the Wicked Witch of the West* "I'll get you, Xellos! And your Lina Inverse, too!" *cackle*

CD: *makes Wicked Witch Bicycle music*

He transported out with his bug creature.

"Oooooh!" Lina fell back. Gourry ran up behind her and caught her in time.

"Oh gosh Lina your burning up!" He exclaimed. "Don't...... worry..... Gourry..... it's an ill..usion.... But ... I can....'t shake... it!"

Auryn: She's been possessed by ghosts again, like in the first season.

Cerulite: *as "Mae West Lina"* "Oh, just how I like 'em... Tall, blonde, and stupid!"

Lina said gasping for air, then fainted. Amelia, Filia, Zelgadis and Martina immediately casted a recovery spell on Lina to shake the spell off her.

"Ok she needs to rest for eight hours. Come on we gotta find a Inn." Amelia ordered.

Tes: Amelia's certainly a well of information...

CD: *suspiciously* I think this was an... 'inside job'....

Zangulus and Gourry put her arms around their neck and brought her to the nearest Inn. They laid her down on the bed.

"Filia, Amelia and I can stay with her, just in case she needs a recovery spell." Martina suggested.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "So you boys can just go out and do the manly thing and drink your sorrows away! Ohohohohohoho! Now I have you right where I want you, Lina Inverse! Oh, no one's left yet...? Eh...heh. Heh."

Everyone still couldn't get past how much Martina matured since the last time they saw her. Gourry nodded then the guys left.
"So tell us about Decivio." Zelgadis said to Xellos.

Auryn: *as Zelgadis* "Before I break your knee caps, fruitcake."

"Decivio is one of Dynasty Grausherra's General's servants. Grausherra is the most powerful Dark Lord underneath Shabranigdo. His general and Priest are the most powerful general and priest but I can't say to much about their servants. Since my Lord is at rivals with them, and you are now rivals against them, I guess I can tell you. He resides in the North pole, with his General Sherra and his Priest Grau. Like me Dynasty takes the look of a young person. He is the coldest and strongest dark lord. Instead of destroying the world he wants to rule it. You know the usual thing.

Tes: *as Xellos* "You know, the usual thing for those Mazoku Dark Lords. They have no sense of originality anymore."

Decivio was a human who was turned into a Mazoku with Sherra's sword, Dougulaf. dedicated to his mistress and is a powerful mazoku.... except for the spot in the middle of his head. If you hit it with strong magic he'll be paralyzed for a week." Xellos ended.

Cerulite: I take it he speaks from experience?

Zelgadis and Zangulus excepted the explaination but Gourry scratched his head with a confused look on his face.

"Decivio is one of.... That's the last thing I heard you say." He said confused. Sweatdrops appeared behind the other guys heads.

"Nevermind, Gourry." Zelgadis told him.
CD: *as Zelgadis* "Look, Gourry. Let me put this in terms you'll understand: Fire bad. Decevio bad. Food good."

Tes: Hey, lay offa Gourry. What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in booty!

"Look inside yourself. You got a power no one else has." A voice told Lina while she was sleep.

"What power? Who are you?!" Lina called out to the voice.

"Some call me L-sama, Some call me Lucifer.... I'm the Lord of Nightmares!"

Tes: *as L-sama* "Some call me Luche RenRen... But you can call me Dark Schneider! Bwa-hahahahaha!"

The voice said walking forward from the shadows. Lina gasped when she saw a golden colored woman that looked just like her.

"Lord.... Of.... Nightmares?!" Lina asked amazed.

"But you look like.... me!" She exclaimed.

CD: Wait... Gold colored... Powerful creature... In the shape of a redhead? I think it's actually just the Phoenix in a really poor disguise.

Auryn: You would think that.

"Well I'm just using a copy of your body for my human form."The lord chuckled. Lina loosened up but still was a little frightened.

"It's time you knew something.... People wonder why you are so powerful in magic. You were able to defeat the Shabrignido, Hellmaster, Gaav, and the Dark Star." She said.

Cerulite: *as Lina**clears throat* "Actually, I didn't really defeat Gaav... That was Phibby..."

"Yes but that was with the help of you and my friends." Lina protested.

Tes: And Phibby! Don't forget him!

"Yes that's true... but there is something you don't know. Look..." L-Sama pointed straight ahead and there was a vision of baby Lina with her mother and a mazoku. "What is that mazoku doing with Momma?!" Lina asked excitedly.

CD: *as Lina* "Ewwww, I don't wanna see my Momma doing that..."

"Shhh watch." L-Sama commanded. Lina heard a knock on the door and watched the monster go back to human form and Luna Inverse walked in.

"That's! That's! That's Papa! He's a mazoku???!!" Lina gasped.

Auryn: *as L-sama* "Whoops! Sorry, I showed you the wrong vision... Your father is actually Darth Vader..."

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Tes: Alright, the rest of you can shut up now, cuz I'm going to sing something that actually has some redeeming cultural value... Klingon Opera!

All but Tes: *blink**blink*

Gourry Gabriev
Tes: *singing bawdily* "Ej Im-Ta Fey De-Ja I!"

All but Tes: *blink**blink*

Zelgadis Greywers
Tes: *singing bawdily* "Ejahdak-So-Tas Ghos Va Skral Byteek!"

CD: I have no idea what she just said, but yeah! Right on!

Amelia Seyrunn
Tes: *singing bawdily* "Empa Jaj Law-Mock Jaj Push!"

Filia Ul Copt
Tes: *singing bawdily* "Jaj Kayless Molor-Migh Hohk-Chew Koo!" *laughs, butts heads with Auryn*

Xelloss Metallia
Cerulite: Ummm... All hail Queen Meta... What the...?

Auryn: *dizzy, rubbing head* What the hell was that for, Tes?

Zangulus and Martina
Tes: *indignantly* It's tradition! After you sing, you have to do that!

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.

CD: What the hell was that supposed to be, anyway?

***Decivio's one of my creations

Tes: Traditional Klingon drinking song, what else?

Slayers Return Again
Episode 8

"Guys I need to tell you something.... but I want to speak to Gourry first." Lina said a few days later at breakfast. Lina nodded to Gourry who stood up and followed her outside.

"Oh poor Lina-san. She's been quiet for the last few days." Amelia commented.

Auryn: *still wincing from her headbutting* I'd think that would be a good thing?

Zelgadis grunted, while Zangulus and Martina dug into their food. Filia tried to pay attention to Amelia but was distracted by a teasing Xellos. They were sitting next to each other and he placed his hand on her leg secretly, not seen by the others.

Tes: *as Xellos* "Hey, Filia... Is that a mace up your skirt, or are you just happy to see me?"

Filia tried not to blush and sipped her tea to hide her face.

"I wonder what's wrong." Amelia murmured, caring for her friend. Again Zelgadis grunted.

"Maybe she is dying." Martina remarked.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Zoalmagustar be praised."

Zelgadis and Filia spit out there tea and Zangulus choked on his food.

"What??! Martina! How can you say something like that about Lina-san?!" Amelia exclaimed.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Maybe it was just wishful thinking, I dunno."

Tes: If Lina dies, does that mean this fic is over and we can go?

Amelia pointed at Martina and said:

"In the name of justice, You must not talk about Lina-san like that!" She cried to Martina. Martina looked scared.

CD: *as Martina* "I don't really see how that relates to justice, but if you continue to point at me like that, you will feel the wrath of the curse of a true daughter of Zoalmagustar! Ahhhhhahahhahahahahaha!"

"Ok ok! I was just saying the first thing that came to my head." She said crossing her fingers warding Amelia of like a demon. Xellos sat back smiling and sipped on his tea. They all sat up straight politely when Lina and Gourry came back in.

Auryn: Yeah, right. Like any of them have ever been polite.

Lina and Gourry took their place's back at the table and silence filled the table. Lina had a flashback
CD: That was random.

Auryn: How rude! Having a flashback like that at the dinner table!

"Papa's a mazoku!" Lina gasped in a voice not like her own.

"Yes... He is. His was banned from the mazoku long ago.

Tes: *as L-sama**seriously* "All of the other Mazoku laughed and called him names. They wouldn't let him play any of their Mazoku games."

He has the powers of a mazoku but he's mortal like a human." LON told Lina. Lina was having a hard time digesting this.

Auryn: Which was odd, because Lina can usually digest ANYTHING.

"So that means..." The Lord of Nightmares nodded. "Your half mazoku/human." She said bluntly.

Cerulite: So she's half mazoku/human, but what's her other half?

Lina swallowed.

"Your mother was a traveling sorceress like yourself. She met your father traveling. When she found out he was a mazoku she was devasted, because she fell into love with him. In the end he turned against the mazoku for her, and was banned and they took away his immortal self and he became mortal.

CD: Wow, that was a tense and gripping backstory.

Auryn: A thrill a minute around these parts...

You easily learn spells and easily pull of spells and they are so powerful because of that.

Cerulite: *as L-sama* "Or maybe it's because of those Demons Blood Talismen. I dunno." *shrug*

They aren't as powerful as a mazoku but close." L-sama told her.

"How could they keep this from me..." Lina whispered.

Tes: I think it's quite simply because they never told you.

"Why don't you ask them that." The Lord of Nightmares started to fade and Lina woke up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
CD: *announcer voice* "Like Moses, the End of Flashback has parted the waves of the Red Sea..."

"My dad is a mazoku." Lina told the others bluntly, making them stop what they were doing and stae at Lina. Lina explained the whole story.

"Ah that means your one of us." Xellos was the first to comment. Lina glared at him.

"Wow I'm thrilled." She said with false happiness.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "That means you get to come to our family reunions! You'll get to meet Cousin Dynast and Uncle Death Fog, and crazy Aunt Dolphin! Won't that be fun?"

CD: *as Lina* "Excuse me while I throw myself on my own sword."

"Your half evil?" Amelia asked her justice side kicking in.

"Amelia... please." Zelgadis said poking Amelia's side.

"That means... your.... your... your evil like HIM?!" Filia asked pointing to the mazoku sitting next to her. He sweatdropped.

"You don't want me to talk, dragon girl."

Tes: *as Xellos* "Or I'll tell them about the time we did it in the spare inn house, or after the dinner party, or out in the woods at midnight after everyone else was asleep, or... Oh, damn."

Filia pulled out her mace. A sweatdrop appeared behind Lina.

"NANI NANI NANI?! Here I am talking about a crisis and you all are arguing?" She slammed her fist on the table.

Cerulite: *shrugging* Well, it's what they normally do.

"I want some sympathy or a dragon slave is coming up for all of you." She growled... becoming her regular self. Every sat in attention like she was a general.

"Aw poor Lina-san. No wonder she's steals from bandits." Amelia said with a sympathy like voice.

"You know I always wondered that." Zelgadis commented.

CD: I never have. She just does it cause she's greedy.

Lina sweatdropped.

"That's why you blew up my castle? Because you felt like it? Just like a mazoku." Martina said.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Mazoku, Mazoku, MAZOKU!" *faint*

"That deciving side came from the mazoku huh?" Zangulus asked. Lina seethed.

"That means she half like that, that, that namagomi?!" Filia exclaimed.

"Hmmm Lina that's cool." Xellos said sipping his tea. Gourry snuck outside.

Tes: See! Gourry's not dumb! He knows when to get the hell outta Dodge!

"FIREBAAAAAAALL!!! Six toasted 'friends' coming right up!" Lina said. She grabbed the food of the table and walked outside to Gourry.

"You'll still be the same to me." Gourry said with real sympathy.

CD: *as Gourry* "You'll still be the same greedy, lying, swindling, opportunistic scavenger you always were to me!"

Lina smiled and actually offered him some of the food. The burnt 'friends' walked out lazily with the owner yelling after them.

"You still didn't pay!" He yelled.

Cerulite: Uh-oh.... it's "The Owner" again. I think those mob ties are coming back to haunt them.

Auryn: He's going to break their knuckles with a ball-peen hammer unless they pay him.

"Well Gourry. Time to go, ne?" Lina asked.

"Oi, Lina right as always!" Gourry answered her.
"Hello Greater Beast." Xellos addressed his mistress.

All: *cheer* ZELAS!!!

"Yeah yeah, whatta ya want?" She asked.

Tes: No, I think her accent's from Boston this time.

CD: *almost looking possessed, growling* Bostonians.... Joy Gerard... Carol Danvers... I will eat her SOUL!!!

Others: *blink**blink*

"Well first I got some more cigarettes for you." He handed them to her.

"Oooooh Look at the pretty box ooooh cigarettes!" She rubbed them on her face in great delight. Xellos sweatdropped.

All: *blink**blink*

CD: *in awe* Zelas is cool.

Auryn: *blink* Zelas is nuts.

"Well that isn't what I exactly what I came here for." he said scratching the back of his head.

"Well what is it?" She asked, opening her cigarettes and lighting one.

Tes: I just had a thought... Did they even sell cigarettes in boxes back then?

Auryn: I think they rolled their own back then...

CD: I have no idea.

"Well it seems that our dear Lina Inverse is a mazoku." He stated. Zelas choked on her cigarette.

"Hold on..... Didja just say that Lina Inverse is a Mazoku?"She yelled.

"Yes ma'am I did." He answered. "Well she is only half mazoku. Her dad is a mazoku and her mom was a traveling sorceress."He said with his eyes closed.

Cerulite: Did Lina even tell him that about her mom?

Tes: Come on. We all know Xellos has been in direct contact with L-sama this whole time!

Cerulite: Uh... oh... oh yeah!

"Well.... more of a reason for her to join us. Maybe ya can get her to sign a contract." She suggested.

CD: *as Zelas acting as an agent* "She has so much talent!"

"Maybe! Will try my hardest, Mother er uh Mistress Zelas." Xellos said stuttered. Zelas smiled and nodded, and he left.

"One day I'll have to do something good for that boy." She commented.

Auryn: I don't think he really deserves it, now do you?

Tes: *pokes Cerulite in the ribs* It's your turn.

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

Cerulite: Huh? My turn?

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Auryn: Ja! Your turn to sing the ending theme!

Cerulite: Uhhhh, oh... Oh, okay! *clears throat and starts humming intro to Moonlight Densetsu* "Gomen ne sunao ja nakute
Yume no naka nara ieru!"

Gourry Gabriev
Cerulite: *a little off-key, but still amazingly good for a man* "Shikou kairo wa short sunzen Ima sugu aitai yo!"

CD: Should he really be able to sing that high-pitched?

Zelgadis Greywers

Cerulite: *singing* "Nakitaku naru you-na Moonlight, Denwa mo dekinai Midnight!"

Auryn: Hell if I know, but it's better than being headbutt or having our eardrums blown out.
Amelia Seyrunn
Tes: Or being driven to suicidal tendencies...

Cerulite: *singing* "Datte junjou dou shiyou, Haato wa mangekyou! Tsukiiiiii no hikari ni miiiichibikare, Nandomo meguri-auuuuu!"

Filia Ul Copt
Cerulite: *singing* "Seiza no matataki kazoe, Uranau koi no yukue!"

Xelloss Metallia
Cerulite: *singing* "Onaji kuni ni umareta no, Mirakuru romansu!" *stops* All hail Queen Metallia!

Zangulus and Martina
Cerulite: *resumes singing* "Shinjite-iru no! Mirakuru romansu!"

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker of Slayers.)

Others: *all clap*

Slayers Return Again
Episode 9

CD: Damn! Nine of these already? Can we take a break after this?

Lina still didn't take it to well that she was half mazoku, but she returned to her usual self. Xellos kept commenting on how she is welcome to actually join the mazoku clan, Which she always responded

Tes: *as Lina* "Get bent, Xellos." Yeah, let's have an intermission!

"I'm not evil.",

Cerulite: *as Lina* "I'm just misunderstood!" I agree, I'm out of soup.

Which made Amelia go on and say:

"Way to go, Lina san!" Which made Zelgadis sweatdrop. And Gourry kept complaining he was hungry while Filia tried to hit Xellos with her mace for: "Trying to make Lina evil."

Auryn: I think Xellos is about 16 or 17 years too late for that.

Zangulus complained he was bored when all of a sudden

"Hey look! The sky... it's gold over there!" Martina exclaimed.

Tes: Why is the color gold never associated with very good things in the Slayers universe?

Filia immediately looked up.

"Those are Golden Dragons!" She yelled. "Hai! lets go!" Lina shouted and started running with the others following..... except Gourry.

CD: Who has enough animal instinct to know that when Golds show up in these fics, it's never for anything good.

"Oi? Lina... can you get the gold off the dragons?"

Cerulite: ...or not...

He asked which was follwed by a conk in the head.

"Oooooh! they are pretty!" Amelia got star eyes as she watched them.

"Hmmmm." Xellos said. He opened his eyes.

Auryn: *as narrator* "...causing several Golds to die of fright, while the remaining dragons simply fled at the sight of his open eyes."

Tes: They should know by now that when he opens his eyes, he's planning on opening a can o' whupass on someone.

"Just as I thought." He stood back and watched the others. Filia was excited as her tail stuck out from under her dress. An idea popped in her head as her stomach felt queasy.

"Hmmm... maybe....." She said to herself.

CD: ...they know about your illicit affair with an enemy of their race?

Cerulite: ...they've discovered Lina's a Mazoku and want to eliminate her?

Tes: Nahhhh, they've just come for tea, that's all.

"Why don't you call to them in your native tongue." Zangulus suggested. Everyone agreed. Filia called out to them, but as she and Xellos thought they did nothing.

"Why aren't they talking back?" Martina asked.

Auryn: *as an authoritative adult* Because they were obviously taught better by their parents...

Filia was about to tell them when she heard someone say

"ATTACK!" The dragons looked down at the group and opened their mouths to fire.

"Everyone close your eyes!" Filia commanded.

CD: I don't think that's going to make them go away, Filia.

The dragons fired at them and all closed their eyes.

Tes: *as narrator* "...causing them all to be hit with the dragons' laser breath, killing everyone instantly. Except for Xellos, who teleported his happy Mazo-butt out of there. He lived happily ever after on Wolf Pack Island with his crazy, cigarette smoking mistress. The End." Can we go now?

"But Filia-san we'll get toasted!" Amelia screamed. They all waited to get toasted and when nothing happened they were surprised.

Tes: No? Damn.

"No one open your eyes! It's just an Illusion.... if you don't look at it then nothing will happen." Filia commanded again.

"Decivio! We know your out there." Xellos called. Of course Xellos could see with his eyes closed.... he did it all the time.

CD: *as narrator* "...of course, he bumped into things all the time as a result, but he was still pretty good at it."

"Oh? Where did the dragons go?" Xellos asked. Everyone open their eyes and looked around.

"Oh so you saw thru that, Filia dear? Well try this." Decivio appeared and snapped his fingers and immediately Filia fell to the ground, withering in pain.

Cerulite: *as Filia, gasping in pain* "He... called me... Filia DEAR!"

Auryn: *as Xellos, offended* "Hey! I'm the only one allowed to call her cutesy, yet insulting names!"

"Filia san!" Amelia gasped running to her fallen friend

"Filia!" Lina and the others ran to her. She screamed in pain. Decivio stood there and laughed.

Tes: ...as obnoxious villains are apt to do...

"Oh you think that's bad? Let's liven those screams!" He pointed to her and shot a ball of light toward her. Xellos ran in front of her and blocked it.

"Oh? Well lookie lookie. We've found a cookie.

All: *laughing*

Auryn: What the hell was that? He found a cookie in the middle of a fight?

CD: *singing a TV jingle* "Lookie, lookie, lookie! Here comes Cookie! Cooke's Pest Control!"

So Xellos is protecting a dragon now? Lets see even after what you did long ago?" Decivio waved his hand and an illusion of a young Xellos wiping out the dragons appeared.

Tes: This scene seems to be in a lot of Xel/Fil fanfics, doesn't it?

CD: *nods sagely*

Xellos twitched but held his guard. Filia gasped at the sight and screamed louder.

"AAAAAIIIIIII!!!" She screamed and ran toward Decivio. She pushed Xellos out of the way and teleported next to Decivio, surprising the mazoku by whipping out her mace and hitting him with all her might on the middle of his head.

Auryn: *as Xellos* "No, no, Filia, you're doing it wrong! It only works if you use magic!"

She was still screaming and started shooting balls of fire at Decivio.

Cerulite: *ala Jerry Lee Lewis* Goodness Gracious! Great balls of fire!

"AAAAAAIIIIIII!!!" She screamed very high pitched, breaking a few trees nearby. Xellos teleported next to Filia and took her into his arms and covered her mouth.

"Hey... Filia... calm down..." He told her. She blinked in surprise.

"Sorry I went over board....." She noticed Xellos arms around her.

Tes: *as game show announcer* Sorry, but any chance at Romantic Tension they had was shot to Hell when they slept together. But thanks for playing!

"EEEEK! Xellos get your slimy namagomi hands of me!" She screeched. She and Xellos teleported to the others.

"I'll... be... back for you....all."

CD: *as Wicked Witch of the West* "And your... Lina Inverse... too!"

Decivio called out to them and teleported away. Filia's pain ceased.

"Everyone ok?" Lina asked her group. Everyone nodded.

"Ok well we can keep going then." Lina told everyone.

"Uh Lina... where exactly are we going?" Martina asked.

Cerulite: *as Martina* "Can we go back to the kingdom of Xoana, so I can rebuild it with the help of the mighty Zoalmagustar?"

Lina rolled her eyes.

"To Dynasty!" She said exasperated.

Auryn: *blink* To that old 80's soap opera about oil tycoons?

"How do you know where Dynasty is?" Amelia asked.

CD: No, no... You're thinking of Dallas. Dynasty was different.

Auryn: Ahhhhhh....

"Remember what Xellos told us? He stays somewhere in the north pole. So we go north." Lina said explaining like to little kids. Amelia and Martina got the picture

Tes: *as narrator* "Unfortunately for them, it was only a picture of Xellos in a thong...."

and they were all quiet for about a few hours...tired... and bored.

"Oi? I was thinking...." Gourry started

All: *break out into hysterics*

"Thinking? You were thinking? Go ahead Gourry." Lina said surprised.

"If Shabby was closed in Rezo's eyes, then how come he did so many good deeds?" He asked puzzeled.

Cerulite: Where the hell did that come from?

CD: Forget that, I wanna know just how the hell he even remembers who Rezo and Shaburanigdo ARE!

The others were puzzeled.... even Xellos. They never wondered that themselves. Lina was the first to reply.

"Well Gourry... I guess when Shabranidgo was enclosed in Rezo's eyes he wasn't fully awakened. So during Rezo's lifetime he was able to do good deeds because he was a natural good person...

Tes: *as Lina* "Except for the fact that he was somehow Zel's grandpa AND great-grandpa. Like to elaborate on that for us, Zel?"

until Shabranidgo was awakened." She said thoughtfully.

"You know maybe that's why Rezo lived a long life." Zangulus commented.

CD: No, I'd have to say that it was either due to the demon hiding in his eyes, or that he learned a spell to lengthen his lifespan...

Tes: Hell, the long life spell is usually one of the first that sorcerers and wizards learn in D&D...

"Shabranidgo was always partly awakened. Rezo always had to find away to treat bad." Zelgadis muttered.

"Oh Zelgadis-san!" Amelia got watery eyes.

Cerulite: "Miaka..." "Tamahome!" "Miaka..." "Tamahome!" "Miaka..."

"Rezo wasn't an orignal bad person. I'm sure if you had a mazoku closed in your eyes then you'd be a bad person too." Filia commented.

Auryn: *as Filia* "Either that, or it would hurt like hell. One or the other."

"Well thanks Filia." A semi-hurt Xellos said.

Tes: What's his problem? It's not like he's got a Mazoku in his eyes or anything.

"Oh it was my pleasure." She said smiling.

"Hey I know where we are!" Lina exclaimed 7 hours later.

"You do? where?" Zelgadis asked.

"Zephelia! My hometown.


Aaaah everything looks like it did when I used to live here...... Food!" Lina and Gourry took off with.

"Hey Lina-san! Gourry-san! Wait for me!" Amelia shouted. Zangulus and Martina took off with Amelia. Zelgadis, Filia and Xellos walked casually after them.

"I'll have all this!" Lina told the waitress.

"Lina Inverse?!" The girl questioned peering into Lina's face.

"Yes that's me... do I know you?" Lina asked.

"Yes! Gosh! Long time since I've seen you. Remember me?! Miko Kawangi!" The girl exclaimed.

CD: *as Lina* "The super-hyper sugar freak? Sure! I remember you!"

"Miko-chan?!! Wow you look so ol_er. I mean you are and all." Lina said to Miko.

"Yeah I heard how you destroyed that Shabrignidgo guy and the red priest Rezo... too bad he had to become bad, he did some good things in life." Miko commented.

Auryn: Yeah, I mean, God knows Zelgadis looked much cooler as a chimera than he ever did human.

Cerulite: *as Zelgadis* "Damn you, Rezooooo!"

"Yeah I know. Well let me introduce everyone. This is Amelia Seyruun. Zelgadis Graywers, Filia Ul Copt, Xellos Metallium, Zangulus and Martina, and my husband Gourry Gabriev." Lina said, leaving Gourry for last.

Tes: *as Miko* "Ask me if I care. Now, what will the rest of you have to eat?"

"Wow to meet the Slayers! It's amazing... we heard so much abou- WHA?! You said your married?!!" Miko cut off in the middle of her sentence. "Yeah two years." Lina nodded. "Wow Lina I'm surprised! I thought you'd never settle down!" She exclaimed, giving Lina a look over.

"You look great too." Lina beamed.

Auryn: *as Miko* "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

"Oh yeah I forgot! what do you all want to eat?" Miko said politely.

CD: I don't think she's a very good waitress...

Cerulite: Luna's gonna come out there and kick her ass and show her what a REAL waitress is made of!

"Well I'll take this this and that." Amelia said.

"Yeah and I'll have this, and that." Martina told the waitress.

"Same here." Zangulus said.

"I'll have everything." Gourry said brightly.

Tes: Is it just me, or does it feel like this is the 84th time this fanfic that they've been in a restaurant?

"Gosh you got a apppetite to match Lina's!" The waitress commented.

"I'll have tea." Filia said politely.

"Yeah I'll have what she said." Xellos said.

All the girls: Ohhhhhh!

"I'll have coffee and this." Zelgadis said in his usual cool way.

"Ok I'll be right out with your food."

Auryn: *as Miko* "I'll be sure to poison it!"

The waitress smiled at everyone and left. Lina and the others quickly ate their food because ("I wanna see Mama!") Lina said. They quickly left aterwards with Lina promising Miko she'll write.

Tes: *as Lina* "Yeah, I'll be sure to write your boss and tell him what a lousy waitress you are! Hah!"

When they walked closer to her house, Lina felt uneasy.

CD: It's probably because Miko poisoned her food...

'What will I do when I see Papa?'

Auryn: I get the ending theme this time!

Tes: Nah, screw that, let's just bail for intermission.

Dynasty Grausherra
CD: What the...!? We didn't even see this guy in the fic!!!

Tes: Yeah! Where's Zelas!? I like her cheap and easy ways!

Zelas Metallium
All: *cheer* ZELAS!

CD: *cries* I knew Zelas wouldn't abandon us!

Lina Inverse Gabriev
Gourry Gabriev
*lights come up in theater as cheesy jazz music plays*

Tes: Screw this, let's go get some more to eat and drink.

Zelgadis Greywers
Amelia Seyrunn
CD: *whining* And I gotta pee!

Filia Ul Copt
Xelloss Metallium
*all stand, stretch, and collect random, various pieces of garbage from their seats*

Auryn: That Canal chick will be pissed if we leave a mess in here...

Zangulus and Martina
Shabrignigdo (I really don't know how to spell it)
Cerulite: I don't think he was in this, either...

(All the characters above were not my creation but the original maker ofSlayers.)

Tes: I am so gone. *all exeunt*

Miko and Decivio were my own creation

*begin transmission*

The four hapless people who had been stuck in the theater for the last 2 hours stumbled out, mumbling to themselves and rubbing their eyes. CD ran off, hunting down the Swordbreaker's one, sole, solitary, lone bathroom. Cerulite went to kick Millie's flakey ass out of the kitchen and get some soup. Tes and Auryn went to stock up on Diet Pepsi.

They reconvened a little while later in front of the theater. Tes and Auryn found CD and Cerulite hanging various things from a set of hangers dangling from the overhead of the compartment. "What the frag are you doing?", Tes asked, arching an eyebrow. CD and Cerulite beamed at them and spun what they'd been working on around.

"We're making a mobile to represent all the things that make up Xellos' personality in this fic!", CD said happily as a picture of a mace passed by her head on the mobile. Cerulite, who had several thermoses of soup latched to his belt, nodded.

"See, he's obviously got some issues in this fic," Cerulite began, "And we thought we'd see if we could sort them all out like this!" Tes and Auryn simply blinked. Cerulite picked a cardboard cutout of Filia posing nude out of the air and showed it to them. "See, this represents his fascination with naked dragon girls, particularly Filia," he said, then picked a cardboard cutout of Juuou-sama Zelas out of the air, "And this represents his loyalty to Zelas, and how living with her has somehow unhinged his mind..." CD picked a cardboard picture of a table off the spinning mobile and showed it to them.

"This represents the whole Slayers group, and how many times they stop at restaurants during this fic, most of the time abusing Xellos by making him pay their bill," she said cheerily, then picked a pair of scissors off the mobile, "And this represents his traumatically bad chili-bowl haircut!" Auryn and Tes stared in disbelief at the other various objects that floated lazily past their heads on the mobile. Cerulite began pointing out random objects hanging from the strings of the mobile.

"The staff is his fixation with a probably phallic security item," he said, "The box of cigarettes is Juuou-sama's. The horror of being reduced to mere cigarette run duty! And of course, the piece of cardboard that just has 'The Owner' written on it represents his mob ties..." CD grabbed the cutout of Filia's mace that was floating by on the mobile.

"And the mace, of course, represents how many times Filia's whomped him over the head," she said, smiling, "Probably causing some brain cells to dislodge." Auryn and Tes stared at the mobile, then at each other, then at Cerulite and CD.

"You two are letting the fic get to you," Auryn said, shaking her head. Suddenly, there was a sound of quite a few footsteps running through the corridor toward them.

"I told you, NO watching that catgirl smut on my ship!", Canal screeched, chasing three retreating figures into the room, angrily swinging a broom after them. The spikey-black-haired one hid behind Auryn. The green-haired one hid behind Tes. The blond haired one with neko ears refused to hide, but tried to fire a few shots off at Canal from his Imperial Repeater Rifle. Unfortunately for Haunter, Canal is a hologram, and as such, the shots passed right through her and blew several pieces out of the bulkheads of the compartment. Canal, generating smoke from her temples, balled her hands into fists and started generating a few sparks. "And NO blowing the ship up, either!", she yelled, then proceeded to scream furiously, managing to shock Haunter in the process. After a few good minutes and a flash-fried Neko later, Canal calmed down, and began taking deep, calming breaths. "There," she said finally, "That's better!" Then she turned to the two men who were hiding behind Tes and Auryn. "Now!", she said, shaking her finger at them, "I don't want anymore of that smut on my ship!"

"Smut?", Auryn asked, raising an eyebrow and folding her arms, "Were you guys watching that catgirl channel on the satellite again?" The black-haired one, Trent, waved his hands feebly in front of him.

"No, no, no, Auryn!", he said, "It wasn't like that! It's not smut at all! Is it my fault that Canal can't appreciate the classic cinema that is 'Daughters of the Bikini Clad Amazon Catgirls from Planet X Return VIII'!?" Tes looked at the green-hair behind her.

"What the hell were you watching that for when you have THIS!?", she asked, pointing to her rather obvious endowments. Matise laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Well, actually, I was just in there to keep Trent company," he replied. Tes didn't look like she was buying it, but she was momentarily distracted by Auryn screaming German obscenities at Trent and chasing him around the room. The German/Fantasian ice queen was freezing large chunks of the wall, so Tes decided that it was probably as good a time as any to go back into the theater. She yanked Auryn up by her collar and ignored her squirming and German ranting while dragging her back into the theater. Matise followed after them.

"Tes?", he asked, trailing off as he entered the theater, "You aren't mad at me, are you?"

Meanwhile, CD poked at the flat, crispy golden brown Neko who was currently lying on the deck. "Watching the catgirl channel again, huh?", she asked, irritated, "Serves you right, then!" She stood up and walked back into the theater with Cerulite. Canal watched them all file back into the theater, then sank to the deck, crying to herself.

"Just look at this ship!", she wailed, "They'll be the ruin of me, I just know it!"

*end transmission*

Continued in Part B!


the New Crew of the Swordbreaker!