Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer "Please don't sue me" garbage here. No one would want to sue me anyway. Can't get blood outta a turnip, after all! ^-^ And yes, I know I said I was swearing off the ANGST, but this... really isn't ANGST. Oh well. This might get a little violent, too. And sadistic. So you were warned.
Feedback: You know, this is really just a cry for help... ~ SailorN1@aol.com or FiriaulCopt81@aol.com
by Crystal Dawn Phoenix
Ever since I was a young one,
I was taught to hunt you,
to hurt you, to kill you.
And then I met you.
It wasn't that I really had any
true feelings of hate for your
kind, either. It's all just a job
for me, only just a game.
Then came the day that I saw
you for the first time. A being of
light, purity, love, and hope.
Oh, how I hated you.
The white and shining gold,
mixing together in the sunlight,
forming a blur that was somehow
entrancing, enchanting me.
Even with your stinging words,
you excited me. How many years
had gone by since I'd met
someone as lively as you?
So I teased you every chance I
could find, just to hear the venom
in your voice and to see the fire
of anger in your eyes.
So now we travel on together
with all the others, bickering from
time to time, and all the while, I'm
admiring your lovely features.
The sweet, damp forest surrounds
us as we travel, the trees dappling
sunlight onto the mossy floor
of the green, shadowy woods.
I float somewhere behind you
and the rest of the group, lost in
my own black, base thoughts,
quieter than I normally am.
Oh, yes, my sweet little Gold,
if it were only you and I alone
in this forest, then I know I would
do you mischief in the wood.
I don't think you quite understand
the way my kind are, the way we
think. And unable to understand,
you hate without a reason.
We only destroy because it is the
role we were given to play in the
Drama of nature, but that isn't to
say we don't enjoy it as well.
To one of us, something you can't
quite comprehend, but pain is
affection, cruelty is attraction,
and violence is love.
That's why right now, as we walk
through the playful shadows, I wish
the others would leave you to me,
a lamb in the hands of a wolf.
I want to throw you to the forest
floor, green with moss, and hurt you,
marring your milky flesh with
bruises and painful scrapes.
I want to pin your tiny wrists with
my own hands, squeezing them
tighter until you scream for mercy
and I hear bones pop within them.
I want to feel you writhe, trying
to free yourself from my grip,
gasping in horror as you realize
you can't get away from me.
But most of all, my dear sweet
Gold, most of all, what I want
is to see you bleeding, and
bleeding only for me.
I want the blood to stain your
white robes red, making you just
as impure and unholy as you
claim me to be.
I want to have your blood on
me while I make you scream
in agony, calling my name
and begging me to stop.
I would twist my fingers
through your long blonde hair,
pulling it tighter until you
cried out in helpless agony.
But it is too late for you now,
little priestess, for you are mine
now, and just as sullied and dirty
and unclean as I am.
Ah, but I sigh, because the only
way that it would be fun at all
is if you agreed to let me hurt you
like that, of your own free will.
Perhaps I could trick you one
day into trusting a little too
much or giving more than you
know that you should.
I see you looking back at me,
over your shoulder, glaring,
perhaps noticing that I'm not
paying too much attention.
Or maybe you're noticing
the way that I was paying
attention to the way you walked
or the curve of your hips.
I put on my best gambler's
face, showing no emotion, and
give you a flippant "What?"
in response to an unasked question.
You say nothing, but turn back
around toward the others
with a 'hmph' and a shrug, but
I know you better than that.
For just a brief moment there,
when I saw your eyes just then,
I thought I saw an all-too-familiar
confused frustration in them.
I watch you walk, hair swaying,
entrancing, bright and blinding,
away from me, and I know
exactly what I want from you now.